Jackie quotes from Jackie Chan Adventures

Whoa! It's Chan! But bite-sized!

And if we off him when he's little...

He'll never get big!

Destroy him!

Young Jackie

[gasp] Bad day...

Jade

Think we ditched 'em.

Young Jackie

Ditched who, why are those men after me, what's that rabbit thing, how can you run so fast, what's going on?!

Jade

Okay, here's the deal. I'm from the future. You're my uncle. The talisman's magic. The Dark Hand is after it, and now they wanna get rid of you so that they won't have to fight you when you grow up. Get it?

Young Jackie

...That's crazy Jade. You're crazy!

Jade

Jackie, I keep having the same weird dream. I show up the first day of class without my... what I did during summer vacation essay.

Jackie

Gee. Perhaps you should start writing your essay.

Jade

Tch. You mean write about how boring vacation's been? We haven't seen a single demon, or ninja, or Dark Hand thug.

Jackie

Hmmm. My kind of summer.

Jackie

I recognize some of these pieces. Some of the finest examples of Emperor's Jade ever to exist.

Captain Black

Until they vanished. As you know the collections of nearly a dozen Chinese museums have been hit over the last decade, and the thefts have the same thing in common.

Jackie

No prints, no tracks, no suspects.

Captain Black

Until now. Section 13 agents have been tracking the movements of Taiwanese billionaire Bartholomew Chang.

Jackie

[noticing Chang's hand is made entirely of jade] His hand!

Captain Black

Made of jade.

Jade

[enters the room] You rang?

The stone.

Jade

Just checking! [leaves]

Captain Black

Our biggest obstacle is diplomatic. The Taiwanese government believes Chang to be its greatest philanthropist. That's why we can't make a move on his island fortress without absolute proof that he's stockpiling the goods there.

Jackie

And I can help you, how?

Captain Black

Chang is about to host his annual exclusive Martial Arts Tournament, ostensibly for charity. But I believe Chang uses the tournament as an audition to recruit muscle for his private army, and the guest transportation as a means to smuggle jade onto the island, and off of it.

Jackie

You want me to attend the tournament as a contestant.

Captain Black

And find the... [looks around; whispers] Jade.

Jade

Captain Black, no offense, but this is way out of Jackie's league. This is a job for the J-Team! El Toro Fuerte; wrestler extraordinaire! Viper; mistress of Hapkido, Pilates, and Krav Maga! Tohru; the big strong... er, Sumo!

Jackie

Uh, yes. Captain Black, I am sorry my niece has such an active imagination.

Captain Black

I like it!

Jade

Ready to go for the gold, Big Bopper?

Jackie

Jade! How did you-?!

Jade

Captain Black said the boats were used to smuggle Jade onto the island, duh!

Jackie

Not the niece, the stone!

And over here, the pride and joy of Chang Enterprises; basket weaving. All proceeds go- [Jackie falls from an air vent] You! This area is off limits! What are you doing?!

Jackie

Looking for Jade!

[nervously] What jade?! There is no jade here! I see no jade!

Jackie

Oh no no no no, Jade my niece, not jade the stone! Have you seen it- I mean, her?

Jackie! You must not let Daolon Wong have the Talismans!

Jackie

... Okay. No one will have them.

Jade

Jackie... you blew them up!

Jackie

[sigh] It is finally over... [is cuffed by Uncle] Ow!

Not over. It is just beginning.

Jackie

It is???

Talismans can be destroyed, but the powers they contain cannot. The magic has been set free, scattered to the winds, which means Daolon Wong will try to find them.

Jade

You mean Jackie just started the Talisman Hunt all over again? Cool!

Jackie

Bu- But where did the magic go?

With no vessels to contain them, the powers will return to their owners; the twelve animals of the Chinese Zodiac.

Jade

Hello? The Chinese Zodiac is way ancient. Those animals are history!

As such, the Talisman magic will be drawn to noble animals, those most worthy of their regal ancestors; twelve living creatures, each about to receive an extraordinary gift.

Jackie

WHAT HAVE I DONE?!

Quickly! You must take the dog where Daolon's magic cannot reach!

Jackie

[looking at all the dogs around him] But which dog, Uncle?

Were you not listening?! The most noble one!

Jade

Hey, Jackie.

Jackie

Jade, you should be asleep.

Jade

So should you. And I know just the thing to help you on one. First we strap on rollerblades instead of trash goal points, then we slip through the talismans out of the vault...

Jackie

Just because I can sleep, doesn't mean you don't have to.

Jade

Aw.....

Jade

Are we there yet?

Jackie

Patience Jade. We will not know where "there" is, until Uncle's locator spell leads us to the animal we seek.

[sitting in the back of the car, producing a Chi spell] The tiger who has inherited the Talisman power of Yin and Yang.

Jade

Well make it hurry, because it reeks something fierce in here!

Jackie

Are you sure the spell is accurate, Uncle? Nevada is not exactly known as tiger country.

Never mock the sock. It is our only chance of finding the tiger before the forces of darkness do.

Jade

Well betcha Daolon Wong doesn't have to spend all day cooped up in a smelly car.

Jade

[coming upon a field of cactus] Whoa, acupuncture city.

Jackie

Real acupuncture is a good thing, Jade. It stimulates the energy channels, and rids the body of- [the Dark Enforcers suddenly appear]

Hola, Señor Chan.

Jackie

Bad Chi...

Jackie

Uh, perhaps Quetzalcoatl would not be so angry if you prove to him you are not... you know. [pointing to the mask]

El Toro

El Toro Fuerte never removes his mask!

Unhand the princess, or face my wrath!

Jade

Uh, maybe you should make an exception.

Jackie

[on phone] Uncle? Now is not a good time!

What is more important than talking to Uncle?

Jackie

I am in a speeding mining cart fleeing a reanimated Mayan statue trying to seize Jade so he can fly her into the sun!

Why did you not say so? It seems you have found the rat.

Jackie

Monkey Talisman and Monkey King?

Jade

Coinkidink?

Forget Monkey King. We must catch Monkey Magic before Daolon Wong does.