Jackie quotes from Jackie Chan Adventures

Jade

Hi Jackie.

Jackie

Jade! You're supposed to be taking a tour of Paris.

You drive too fast! How can Uncle see the sights?! Slow down!

Jackie

That was useless! I already knew the thief could fold up.

Jade

Yeah, but now we also know that he steals the finest Far East Art.

Viper

Hey, the kid's a good listener.

Jackie

How come you never listen to the things I say? For example, "Stay with Uncle"?

Jade

Aw man...

[holding his playing cards] All hands on deck, Agent Tag!

Jackie

[kicks him over] I am not Agent Tag!

Don't try to bluff me, it doesn't suit you! [throws more cards at Jackie, and traps him in a vortex of cards] Druid Stone is secure, and inform the good doctor that we have a bonus jackpot onboard. A certain joker who claims he isn't Agent Tag.

You are not what I expected, Agent Tag. Although your disguise as a buffoon was most convincing.

Jackie

[secured to a table] But I am not Agent Tag. I am Jackie Chan, a researcher.

Of course if you were Agent Tag, you would deny it emphatically.

Jackie

No, I would claim to be Agent Tag, assuming you would not believe me.

But I would anticipate your assumption that I would not believe you!

Jackie

I would foresee your anticipating my assumption of your not believing!

But how could you predict I wouldn't expect your forseeing my anticipation of your assuming my not believing? Ha! Answer me that.

Jackie

I DO NOT EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU JUST SAID!

Precisely what I expected you to say... Agent Tag.

And that's how I reached Arecibo in time to rescue the Chans.

Captain Black

That's why you're our top agent, Tag.

Jade

[growls] "Rescue the Chans"? We did all the hard stuff!

Jackie

It's alright, Jade. Let it go.

Now if I can finish my crossword, this day will truly be a success. Six letters, Celtic Pig Goddess...

Jackie

[falling asleep] Moccas. M-O-C-C-A-S.

Mr. Chan, you're a genius!

Jade

Nope. Just a researcher.

Jackie

Is it Halloween already?

Jade

[dressed as Mr. Hyde] You forgot, didn't you? Tonight's the school play! I'm Dr. Jekyell and Mr. Hyde, it's my big debut!

Jackie

Ohhhhh, I am sorry, Jade. But the university asked Uncle and me to explore the subterranean city underneath the streets.

Jade

Uh-huh...

Jackie

No, it's true! A recent tremor has opened a passageway to parts of San Francisco which have been buried since the 1906 earthquake. Another tremor may collapse the passageway at any moment. So there's not much time.

Jade

But... my play...

Jackie

I am sorry. I would rather see your play, but I have to do this now, and I cannot be in two places at the same time.

Jackie! Did not expect you until tonight!

Jackie

You and I both Uncle. I believe this necklace has magical powers.

Jade

Cool, can I check it out?

Jackie

No Jade. This necklace could be very dangerous.

Jade

Everything is very dangerous! Traveling to Venice, digging for artifacts, wearing jewelry...

Jackie

[opening the box, revealing a black cat statue] The Cat of Khartoum.

Jade

That's it? Looks like something you'd buy at a swap-meet for a buck.

Valmont

[appearing from around a corner] Worth quite a bit more, young lady.

Jackie

Valmont!

Valmont

Thanks ever so for finding the Cat for me, Chan. Now hand it over!

Jackie

No! It belongs to the museum!

Jade

Hey, maybe you haven't heard, but possession is nine tenths of the law!

[taking out some nunchucks] Yeah? And this here's the other two tenths!

Jackie

You need to work on your math!

Yeah? My math's good enough to know that three against one ain't very good odds.

Valmont

Spare me the gladiator scene. Just get the merchandise!

Valmont

[after perfectly landing from a large fall] Fantastic! I've never felt so alive! [proceeds to leap up the cliff past Jackie] Something about the Statue, Chan. It's good luck! [leaves]

Jackie

Good luck, or bad magic?

Jackie

[cellphone rings] Is that you, Uncle?

No. It is a magazine salesman calling you at five o'clock in morning!

Jackie

Oh, sorry. It's almost lunchtime here.

Uncle has been researching the Cat of Khartoum.

Jackie

Yes, and did you discover any unusual legends or-

Getting to that! According to legend, anyone who gets scratched by claw of statue-

Jackie

Becomes like a cat themself!

Bah! You already know so much! Why you bother me?

Jackie

There is one thing I do not know, Uncle. What is the antidote?

Antidote?! Do not get scratched by claw of cat!

Jackie

I mean, how do you reverse the process? Or are you getting to that?

No! Getting to bed! Call you back later!

Jackie

The cargo ship was not a secure enough transport. The museum decided that with the thieves still at large, the Golden Dragon will instead travel to Hong Kong on the last place anyone would think to look; a cruise ship. I will accompany it.

Jade

Tch. You lucked out.

Jackie

Yes. The only problem is that the museum has given me a two room suite. I do not know what to do with all the extra space.

Jade

I'm going on a cruise! Yes!

Jackie

Heh heh, all of us are going. Uncle, Tohru...

Pah! Uncle does not cruise. Uncle does inventory!

Jackie

Uncle, when was the last time you took a real vacation?

Let me see. Three, four, carry the one, never! So why start now?

Jackie

Where are you going, Uncle?

To lifeboat! Row back to shore!

Good! I have better things to do than hang around with junk seller! I visit with my boy, relax, play a little Mahjong...

[interested] You play Mahjong?

No, I win at Mahjong. Five-time All Kyoto Finalist!

Hong Kong Community Center Champion 1955. Beat you with one hand tied behind back!

Ha! Big talker! How about you put your tiles where your mouth is?

[rolling out a mattress] Uncle is too old for this!

Jade

[rolling out a mattress] Tch. I'm too old for this!

Jackie

[rolling out a mattress] Let's just try to make the best of- [mattresses are pulled out from under them] Oof!

Jade

Hey!

Huh?!

When the Chosen One sleeps well, everyone is rested!

Jackie

I'm sorry, but this find belongs to the museum.

Uh...your name is "The Museum"?