Portia quotes from Jackie Chan Adventures

Jackie

[waking up tied to a chair] Jumba? Ms. Martindale? Dr. Weber? I don't understand!

Oh you will in a moment.

Portia

A little novocaine to ease the pain?

Dr. Weber

[brandishing his dental drill] Don't bother, Portia. Mr. Chan hates needles.

Jackie

Only at your museum. You said they were just a legend.

I lied. You see, the Sutras do very much exist. [Holds Jackie's filling up under a magnifying glass, revealing inscriptions]

Jackie

In my filling!

Magnificent, are they not? A 3000 word incantation, painstakingly inscribed by skilled sorcerers onto a piece of silver no larger than a grain of basmati rice.

Portia

Legend foretells that when the Sutras are returned to the Ganges, the river will dry up.

Jackie

That would be- So, those thieves who have been after me, you've been trying to stop them!

Well, no. Actually, they've been trying to stop us. They are not truly thieves, you see. They are Disciples of Mohajah.

Jackie

Who?

Portia

Oh, a do-gooder-mystic. A psychic. Claims his mission is to protect India from evil magic.

Mohajah suspected I was in possession of the Sutras, and planning to transport them here to India.

Dr. Weber

But none of us could carry the Sutras without the Mohajah knowing it; that mind reading power of his... real nuisance.

Jackie

So you had to find a courier who did not know he was carrying the Sutras. Me.

Portia

We so appreciate your help, Jackie.

Jackie

But that means you want to dry up the Ganges River! Why?

Have you no sense of vision man? Do you not realize what treasures lie on the riverbed? Centuries worth of artifacts; silver, gold, riches beyond measure, there for the taking!

Jackie

Millions of people depend upon the river for farming, and travel, and- Lives will be destroyed!

Portia

Our Jackie's a bit of a sentimentalist. So sweet! But really, one must have priorities. We're talking about the archaeological event of the millennium. If a few people must be inconvenienced... [shrug]

Jackie

You are bad people! All of you!

Yes, soon to be very rich people!

Jade

Hyah! Nobody moves, nobody gets hurt!

Jackie

Jade?! I told you to go back to the hotel room!

Jade

Lost my key. Okay, now. Let the Chan Man go.

Portia

Dr. Weber, give the child a lollipop.

Jade

Don't sucker me, sucker!