Charlie Kelly quotes from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Charlie

[Drunk and slurring] Sooo I thought we could celebrate, with some pizza! And soome beer! Ohhh, that's right! I ate all the pizza, and I drank all the beer.

Charlie

[in Dennis' bed] Am I peeing?...Hey guys, if I'm peeing, wake me up!

Charlie

Of course I'm gonna explode. You think I'm not gonna explode?

Charlie

[referring to Sinbad] I hope he's wearing something made out of windbreaker.

Charlie

[about the TV show Extreme Makeover: Home Edition] That show is basically about how awesome Sears is!

Charlie

(singing) I was that little boy, that little baby boy was me! I once was a boy, but now I'm a man! I fought the Nightman, lived as Dayman, now I'm here to ask for your hand, so if you are too merry m'am will you marry me? Will you come on stage and join me in this thing called matrimony? Please say yes and do not bone me, please just marry me!

Charlie

[barely in control] I am going to smack everyone into tiny...little...pieces!

Charlie

Keep singing, bitch! You're not gonna have a face by the time I'm through with you!

Charlie

We live and die by the crab, Dee.

Charlie

My god, there's not enough salt in the world for her.

Charlie

Hyah! Hyah! Get out of here snail! Hyah! Go snail! Go! Hyah!

Charlie

Tell you what, let me pop a quick H on this box this way we all know that it's filled with hornets.

Charlie

[trying to say that he is a philanthropist] I'm a full-on-rapist.

Charlie

Yes, my good man, I'll have the milk steak, boiled over hard, and your finest jelly beans...raw.

Charlie

Sorry about that, some guy in the bathroom wouldn't give me his shirt.