This slot defeats the purpose. I can see your eyes! We might as well get married.
It's the safest way, Frank.
Dennis, if I was looking for safe I wouldn't be sticking my dick through a wall.
“Mac & Charlie Die (Part 1)” · Season 4, Episode 5
In this episode: Charlie Kelly (3), Dennis Reynolds (2), Mac McDonald (2), Frank Reynolds (2), Sweet Dee Reynolds (1)
Dude...[reaches in mouth]
No...stop! Don't do it. Oh my God.
[Charlie pulls out tooth]
How? How is that possible?!?
I don't know.
Just put it down.
Do you think they're my baby teeth?
Put it with the other ones.
You're not going to be able to eat this hot dog.
I'll suck it down.
PGParole Guy
You're claiming that your father threatened to, quote, eat the living shit out of you.
Uh, that is correct.
PGParole Guy
Mr. Kelly, in your sworn statement to police, you claimed the prisoner told you that if you didn't, quote, jam a bunch of stuff in your butt, he was going to rape you so hard the room would stink.
PGParole Guy
Then, he was going to, quote, eat your butt and your son's butt in the stink, until his stomach was full of your... butts. Is this correct?
That is also correct.
Of course I'm gonna explode. You think I'm not gonna explode?
I can't believe they're dead.
I can't believe they didn't include me in their suicide pact.
What, are you crazy? They're not dead! They're definitely doing something stupid, but they're not dead.
You saw the tape, Dee! My best friends went out in a blaze of glory, and they didn't even ask me to be part of it! This is terrible!
Are you buying this? That is ridiculous. Dennis, they left us a list of demands!
What are you talking about? That's their last will and testament, that is not demands!
It says at the top, "list of demands"!
Well, whatever. It's their wishes, and we have to honor them.
Oh, we do? We have to honor them? Okay, let's see, Frank. Charlie's number one: "My ashes are to be made into a tea and to be drinken by every-wan in bar."
Done!
Ugh. Damn it. Gross. Fine, what else?
Mac's number one: "In lieu of a body - which was most likely blown up in the most awesome way imaginable - I would like the duster to be burned, and its ashes buried in an unmarked grave somewhere by the river."
Okay, well, that's crazy. I'm not gonna burn or bury the duster.
Oh yeah, we also both have to name our firstborn child Murphy, because that was RoboCop's name.
Goddamn it! Mac is dead, and he's still bossing me around!
Mac is not dead, Dennis.
How can you be so cold?
HE BLEW UP MY CAR!
Not burning the duster...
YOU'RE STILL TALKING ABOUT A COAT?!
ABSOLUTELY!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.