[Spencer is looking at the broken countertop when he hears a knock on the door.]
Gibby[Comes into the apartment wearing a backpack and a lanyard and holding two pillows] Hello, fellow camper!
Hey, Gib. Where's your mom?
Gibby
She dropped me off. [Closes the door]
Aw. She didn't wanna come up and see me?
Gibby
Nope.
Okay. [Sees the lanyard on Gibby's neck] Whoa! Nice lanyard. [Takes a look at the lanyard]
Gibby
Thanks. Made it at camp last year.
Gibby
True chiz!
Gibby
[Takes off his backpack and puts it down on the couch] So what's our first camp activity?
Uh– I was gonna plan some stuff, but then I got stuck working on this countertop all day– [Picks up the piece of the countertop and shows it to Gibby] –and it's still not fixed.
Gibby
No problem. Let's fix the countertop together, then start camp.
[Puts down the piece] Who's awesome?
Gibby
Gibby!
[Spencer and Gibby high five.]
[Gibby sits on a chair backwards sipping from a bottle while Spencer paints glue on the piece of the countertop.]
Gibby
[Puts down the bottle] Spence. I don't mean to be rude, but– [Angrily] –I've been sittin' here for two hours doing NOTHING!
Gibby
[Stands up] You said this would be like camp. How long is it gonna take you to fix that countertop?
[Finishes painting glue on the piece of the countertop] It's done. [Puts the paintbrush on top of the bucket]
Gibby
It is?
I just applied the lacquer. [Puts down the cloth] Now, I test it– [Picks up the bottle] –by setting this bottle right here on the previously broken corner. [Puts down the bottle on the piece of the countertop]
Gibby
Nice work!
Gibby
Time for camp?
Yep. [Picks up the bottle, but the glue has glued the piece of the countertop to the bottom of the bottle] I was thinkin' we could start with– [Realizes that the glue has glued the piece of the countertop to the bottom of the bottle and gets exasperated]
Gibby
Maybe you should've waited longer for it to dry.
[Spencer is drilling under the bottom of the countertop while Gibby eats a banana while swinging his lanyard.]
Gibby
[Angrily] You really gotta take the whole countertop off?
Yeah, I told you, I need to set it on its side so I can epoxy the corner back on and secure it with clamps 'till the epoxy dries.
Gibby
And then, we get to do camp stuff?
I promise. Now come on and help me lift the counter off.
[Gibby puts down his lanyard and banana on the table.]
[Spencer and Gibby grab both sides of the countertop.]
Gibby
[Too shocked to see Nora face to face] Uh, yeah. My name is Gibby.
Oh yes. I recognize you from your appearances on ICarly.
Gibby
Thanks, The show's a lot of fun. Anyway, I was wondering do you have Carly, Sam and Freddie trapped here?
[Lying under suspicion] No. Good day.
Gibby
Wait! are you sure they're not here?
[irate and impatient] Yes, there is no one in my basement.
Gibby
[in a suspicious tone] I didn't say anything about your basement.
[pauses for a moment and became fearful] NO ONE SEES THE WIZARD! [she then slams the door]
Gibby
Okay. No problem. I'll just– GO AWAAAAY! [crashes through Nora's front door]
[screams in pure fright and rage] GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!
Gibby
WHERE ARE MY FRIENDS?!
Gibby
Except for all your old photos and other personal items that can never be replaced.
SSSam, Spencer and Freddie
GIBBY!!
(to Spencer) Who has the best big brother ever?
You... (they hug, then face the others)
Gibby
Man. Is there anything money can't do?
How long did the doctor say you have to wear that cast?
Gibby
6 weeks.
Well, it's your own fault. You jumped off that pipe for nothin'.
Gibby
You said my cue was Gibby and I heard Gibby.
Yeah, but you didn't hear the cue!
Guys-okay, yes, the cue was Gibby. [the 4 start yelling at each other quickly]
You guys? [they continue yelling] YOU GUYS!
[very angry] WHAT, T-BO?!
You guys gotta do something about Spencer, the boy's gone too far.
He gave me the fancy face cream from Europe. It says "It make your face all smooth.".
Well, my face is already smooth. So I gave it to my friend Lucas here. His face has dry patches.
Kevin, kill the lights! [Kevin turns the lights off as Lucas's face glows in the dark]
Whoa! [the 4 are shocked]
Turn 'em back on! [Kevin turns the lights back on as Lucas's glow face goes off] Glow in the dark face cream?! What kinda sick man thinks that's funny?!
Tell that to Lucas! Now he can't go see a movie! You all better do something about Spencer.
[Nevel shows up at the apartment and the gang tie him up on the sofa next to Gibby, eating pudding]
Must you eat your pudding so loudly?
Okay, Nevel, why are you here?
I don't hate anyone anymore except myself. Until I saw that video of me shouting at that little girl, I didn't realize what a terrible, awful person I really am.
Gibby
This pudding rocks.
[Freddie, Carly and Gibby walk into the mental hospital]
NNurse
Hi, welcome to Troubled Waters, how may I help you?
'Umm, we're here to see Sam Puckett?
NNurse
Oh I'm sorry, Miss Puckett isn't accepting visitors.
[Caleb pokes his head out of the janitors closet]
Listen, we're like, really close friends with Sam.
Could we please just talk to her for a minute?
NNurse
Just for a minute?
[Caleb walks over to Gibby]
CCaleb
Please get me some barilium nitrate and four metric tons of ionized quadrazine.
Gibby
Sorry, I don't roll that way.
[Caleb walks off]
[Freddie and Carly pull Gibby over to one side]
Distract the nurse so we can go find Sam.
Gibby
Umm.. Gibbay.
[Caleb walks up behind Freddie and Carly]
CCaleb
You can kick me anywhere below the waist and I won't feel it.
[slightly disturbed and confused] Why not?
CCaleb
My pants, are made of neutronium cotton. You don't believe me? Kick my thighs. [slaps his own thigh] Kick 'em hard.
[Caleb walks off and Freddie and Carly are left very confused]
Gibby; Gibbbaaayyyy!! [Gibby jumps over the front desk]
[Freddie and Carly take a step back in shock]
NNurse
Oh my goodness, are you alrig- Argghhhh!!
[Carly and Freddie push each other in speed and panic]
[Carly is spray painting a plastic butt]
Hey Carly! I brought you some- [pauses and looks at what Carly is doing] What'ya doing?
[sounding tired and stressed] Spray painting this butt blue.
It's for a bit we're doing on iCarly tonight.
[sounding excited] A blue butt bit?!
[sounding annoyed] Yes, a blue butt bit!
Ah! I brought you some corn juice. [shows Carly the glass of juice]
[Carly shrugs her shoulders looking confused and still a bit annoyed and stressed]
See, I was just, hanging on my lawn, shacking some corn, and I thought to myself, "How come no one's ever thought to juice corn?" So I grab a juicer and-
[starts to yell at Spencer] MAYBE NOBODY HAS EVER THOUGHT TO JUICE CORN BECAUSE MOST PEOPLE HAVE BRAINS THAT FUNCTION NORMALLY! [Throws her spray painter on the table in anger]
Uhh.. [sounding really upset]
[starting to feel bad for yelling at him] Oh no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! No, here, give me the cup..
[Spencer starts crying]
Come here, come here.. [gives Spencer a hug] No, I know, you didn't do anything wrong!
[Spencer grabs Carly's hair and uses it to wipe his eyes and blow his nose]
I'm just.. Sam and Freddie have been bugging me like ten times a day to referee every little argument they have, and I'm just... I'm under a lot of stress!
Okay. [blows his nose on his towel] But if Sam and Freddie keep getting on your nerves, then, why do you keep helping them?
Cause they're my friends, and... they're in this new relationship, and I.. I want them to be happy. [takes a sip of the corn juice and spits it back into the cup] Corn juice is awful!
[Gibby comes out of the elevator and Spencer walks off]
Gibby
Gibbaaayyy!
Hey Gibby, you wanna help me with-
Gibby
Shut up a sec!
Gibby
After the show, you gotta take the puppy to the vet, I think he's got an anxious bladder.
Gibby
He's your dog too!
No, he's not! I never wanted a dog!
[Gibby starts crying]
I'm sorry! Come here! [gives Gibby a hug] Oh my god I'm a monster. You want some corn juice?
Gibby
Yes please.
Gibby
Carly? I'm coming in, I got a friend. [holds up a puppy]
Gibby
Yeah, isn't he cute?
Yeah, he's really cute! [strokes the puppy]
Gibby
You hear that little guy? Mommy loves you!
Uh, uh, why did you call me his mommy?
Gibby
Well you know, Sam and Freddie are always hanging out together now,
Gibby
And that means you and I are going to have more time, just the two of us!
Gibby
So I figured sharing a dog would give us something to talk about!
Gibby
That is a lawn.
See, this is why I don't like to leave the house. What do we do with it? [pokes Spencer in the stomach]
Gibby
The possibilities are limitless!
We can play on it, we can sit on it and listen to music, we can have a barbecue on it-
Gibby
We can play badminton.
Gibby
Heck yeah! Got my own racket and shuttlecock!
Sweet! [high fives Gibby] Oh! And at night, we can just lay on the grass and, stare up at the stars.
Gibby
Yeeeaaahhhh.
[Spencer and Gibby look up]
Okay. [walks over to the kitchen]
Gibby
Man, wait 'till Sam and Freddie see this. I bet they love lawns.
Gibby
Probably making out.
I don't like couples that are all public with their.. [makes kissing noises, trying to make fun of Sam and Freddie kissing]
Oh c'mon! Sam and Freddie have spent years practically hating each other, I think it's kinda nice to see them being all... [makes kissing noises]
No no, it's more like... [makes more kissing noises]
[Carly and Spencer carry on making kissing noises making fun of Sam and Freddie]
Gibby
Haha. Look at this lawn. This is one sweet patch. [starts stroking the grass]
SSencer
You know that's Kentucky Chuck grass.
Gibby
Seriously?!
[Sam walks in quite angry]
Don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you!
Okay, look, it's not that i didn't appre-
What are you guys fighting about?
Mr. Fracs gave me a B on my world history paper and I was mad because I thought I deserved an A.
That's right, you told me you were mad at Fracs.
That didn't mean I wanted revenge!
If he's gonna give you B's, why shouldn't I give him bees?
I filled his car with bees.
I don't need you to fight my battles for me.
Come on baby, you wrote a good paper.
I know, but you can't just go around-
Alright, listen. Sam, Freddie should be able to complain about people to you without worrying that you're gonna put them in a hospital.
And Freddie, even though it's a little extreme, to violate a man with bees, you should a least appreciate that Sam did it because she cares about you.
(Sighs) Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry.
(Puts her arms out towards him) Give mama some sugar.
Okay. [they kiss and hug]
SGSpencer and Gibby
Awww.
[comes into the Shay's apartment holding a silver bar] Freddie!
Gibby
Wow, Freddie! Your mom's here!
[puts the silver bar on the counter]
[looks at her; confused] What's that?
100 ounces of pure palladium.
Gibby
Wow! So a bar like that must be quite valuable!
Oh, it is, it has a street value of nearly $100,000.
[raises his eyebrows; eyes wide]
[holding the bar; surprised] Whoa, whose is this?
Why would you give me something worth this much money?
So you'll do something for me in return!
Gibby
That seems fair!
What do you want me to do?
[loudly] Stop dating Sam!
[gets off the chair he was sitting on; looks confused and shocked] How'd you know?
Gibby
Yes, how did you know?
It doesn't matter! [to Freddie] If you want that bar of palladium, you tell that no good Puckett to find some other boy to ruin!
You can't bribe me to break up with Sam!
[screams and rips a piece of her shirt; takes the palladium back from Freddie and runs back into her apartment].
[mouthing] Wow... [sits back down]
[annoyed and angry] I'm going to kill Sam and Freddie! [to Gibby] Are you sure they haven't texted you?
Gibby
[to Carly] Look, I'm just having some juice.
[frustrated] Well, fan-bat-tastic! iCarly starts in thirty seconds, and I'm here, alone!
Gibby
I'll try not to take that the wrong way.
[to Gibby] Alright, we're starting iCarly. You and me. Get up!
Gibby
[excitedly] Really?
In 5, 4, 3, 2.. [as she sets up the tech stuff] I'm Carly! [looks to Gibby]
Gibby
[stands there and smiles as he says nothing]
[keeps glancing at Gibby to say something]
Gibby
[to Carly] My turn?
[disappointed] And this has been iCarly. [turns off the web cast]
[to Sam and Freddie] So, last week you two made me your involuntary Couple's Counselor. Then you edited me out of "Super Bra" and tonight you made me do iCarly by myself.
Gibby
[offended as he yells to Carly] What am I, a mushroom?!
[to Carly] Okay, you're making way too big a deal out of--
[to Freddie as she gently pats him on the arm 3 times] Hey, hey, hey this isn't about us missing the show...
[to Sam] She seems pretty upset by-- [Sam nods at him] Oh, right...
[rolls her eyes, annoyed] What's right?
[to Carly] Look, since Sam and I started going out [looks to Sam, then back at Carly], maybe you've been feeling a little--
[finishing his sentence] Jealous.
[looking shocked] Wh- wh- wh- wh? [scoffs] You two think I'm jealous of your relationship?
And maybe you were the one who let his mom know that we were going out.
SFSam and Freddie
[glaring at Gibby]
Gibby
[sarcastic to Carly] Thanks, Carly! So much for secrets!
[runs to Gibby and throws him on the floor while screaming]
iCarly · 611 quotes
