Oh, I'm home! This is where I belong, back in the bosom of my youth!
[laughing with Freddie] Ha, Bosom.
FreddieI know. [giggle with Gibby]
[Maurice clucks]
Maurice! Oh, Maurice, I missed you so much! Give me some beak! [kisses Maurice]
This place brings back the memories, huh?
Yep. Hey, Nora, remember when your clown had an aneurism, or should I say, clownurism?
NSNora's Mother
Ok, kids, we don't need to talk about that terrible day! Not when we have this beautiful buffet of Norwegian foods. [brings everyone round the table of food, and takes of the foil from the food]
Freddie
Yeahh, what exactly are, 'Norwegian Foods'?
NSNora's Mother
Well, we have lutefisk.
It's dry cod fish soaked in lie solution for several days.
NSNora's Mother
And then we have warm tongue with flan.
[Nora's mother takes of the foil of the desert]
[gasps] Beef cookies and cream! [gasps again]
[Freddie looks disgusted whilst getting out his phone]
Ok, [picks up a lutefisk] even I can't eat this chiz! [and throws it back down again disgusted]
Freddie
Hey, there's no way we're gonna make the last train back to Seattle.
I'll just text Spencer and tell him to come pick us up. [gets out her phone and texts Spencer] "Hey, pick us up from Nora's at about 9 o'clock-"
Try this monkfish liver! [shoves a plate of Norwegian food in Sam and Carly's faces]
[Sam stands there with a disgusted look on her face]
[walks up to the TV] Spencer! Spencer!!
Oh, silly Carly, he can't hear you.
Freddie
Would you stop that wheel?!
Oh, I'd be glad to. [stops the wheel]
Arggghhhhh..... Oh, great, it's stopped spinning.. now I can puke.
No need to watch that. [turns off the TV]
Don't turn it off, it was just getting good!
Nora... you're a nutcase!
[stands up on the couch] The proper term is disturbed, lonely, socio-path.
Look, dude, we're the ones who got you out of jail!
True.. but first, you tainted the memory of my 16th birthday party! So now, we're going to undo the taint. Mother, please fetch our party guests!
NSNora's Mother
[while doing weird and uncool hand gestures] BRB!
You're the one who ruined the memory of your own birthday party!
Freddie
Everything would’ve been cool if you'd just let us go home afterwards!
Instead of you and your stupid chicken locking us in your basement!
You will never, besmirch the name of my chicken. You apologize to Maurice right now!
I will not, sniff it! But I will give Carly's brother, the spins.
[Nora's starts spinning Spencer's wheel again]
Oh no, It's turning again, what's.. happening!?
Just apologize to the chicken!
Urghh. [walks over and bends down to Maurice] I'm sorry that I bespired your name by calling you stupid. And that I've eaten thousands of your relatives.
[Nora stops Spencer from spinning]
Thank you, Sam. Now let's all wear party hats, there's some right over there!
We're not wearing party hats.
[They all rush over and quickly put on the hats]
[The other three stare at Gibby]
Why are you guys staring at me?
Freddie
You said, "Wait a second."
Oh, yeah! Uh, there's 4 of us and 1 of Nora, so let's just take the remote away from her.
Ooooh, bad idea. See if any iCarly's make a sudden move, I hit this special red button, and Spencer spins at top speed until his brain turns to goo.
Yes, goo! Haha! And you won't be able to stop it.
Huuhhhh. She's really thought this through.
Yes, prison gives you lots of time to think, and to plan, and to not shower.
[All stand there with disgusted faces once again]
Ok, what are we gonna do?!
[starts walking towards her bag] I'll tell you what we're gonna do. As soon as those two freaks walk back in here... [gets out and starts swinging the butter sock]
Freddie
You can't attack them as long as Spencer's on that wheel in the basement or else Nora's just gonna spin him again.
And anyway that butter sock is gross!
I change the butter once a month!
Freddie
Man, there is no way to get this window open.
Hey, I know how Santa Claus would get out of here.
[the three of them rush over to the chimney.]
No. [strokes the dummy's hair] On a reindeer.
Freddie
[Annoyed] Gibby!
We thought you meant climbing up the chimney.
Urgh, just stuff yourself up there and go for help!
Wa, wa, wa, wait! The Dershilts will notice he's gone!
Freddie
No. 'Cause Gibby's gonna be taking a nap [Pulls out Gibby's fake head] on the couch.
NNNora and Nora's Mother
[they both come out of the kitchen carrying cake and singing] "Oh, for Nora's a jolly good person, for Nora's a jolly good person... [Nora makes the iCarly gang join]
EEveryone
For Nora's a jolly good person!...
Now Freddie's gonna get kissed!"
Freddie
What?! That's not the lyrics! I don't want-
[Nora blows out her candles and grabs Freddie]
Freddie
No! C'mon!
[Nora kisses Freddie and Carly and Sam stand there looking worried and shocked]
[Nora's still kissing Freddie whilst Sam, Carly and Nora's mother and watching and eating cake]
[finally lets Freddie go] Yeah! [gives Freddie a thumbs up]
Freddie
[out of breath, he turns to Sam and Carly, looking shocked and confused.] You guys just stood there, eating cake, while I was tampered with?!
Will you stop spinning my brother?!
Why?! I sang you Happy Birthday like you wanted!
[Spencer continuous screaming from the television]
[Sam picks up a vase and throws it to make it smash]
NSNora's Mother
He's still in the house!
NSNora's Father
Check all the bedrooms.
[Nora, Nora's Father and Nora's Mother go off looking for Gibby]
No, I threw a glass thing in there to buy us some time.
Freddie
Time for what?!
To figure out a way to get us out of this 'nut-hut'! [hits Freddie continuously while saying it]
Freddie
Ow!
Why hasn't your freakish mother come looking for us by now?
Freddie
She thinks we're at the hotel with Spencer so why would she-? [Quickly remembers something and grabs the back of his head] The chip!
Freddie
[turns to Sam] The one my mom had surgically installed in my head when I was a toddler.
[Sam pulls an 'of course' face]
Freddie
If it stops transmitting, it triggers an emergency signal to my mom's tracking device and tells her my location!
Oh, cool, then how do we make it stop transmitting!
Yeah, where's the off switch?
Freddie
I dunno, it's in my head!
[Smacks Freddie on the head and screams into his ear] Mrs Benson, help us!!
Shhh! Do you want the Dershilts to hear you?!
Freddie
Smacking me on the head isn't gonna make the chip stop working!
Then what will make it stop working?!
And trigger the emergency signal!
Freddie
I guess it would have to be electrically shorted out somehow.
[all pause and think]
Ohh!! [rushes over to the chair and searches quickly through her jacket] The shock pen!
Freddie
[worried] Oh, the shock pen?
Freddie
Why'd you steal his shock pen?
'Cause I like it, and I didn't have one!
[Nora rushes back into the room]
Just don't look in you parent's shower!
Mother, mother! Gibby may be showering! [runs off to find Gibby again]
Ok Benson, I hope this thing is powerful enough to blow that chip-
Freddie
No no no no, let Carly do it.
Freddie
'Cause Carly cares about me. A least she'll try to be gentle. She won't just take the thing and stick it-
[Carly sticks the pen in Freddie's head and he falls on the floor]
Just to be sure. [places the pen on Freddie's head once more]
Okay! This is outta control! We've been here for 15 hours, and we wanna leave!
[tries to open the door] OPEN THIS DOOR!!!!
NSNora's Father
We may never open the door!!
That's right! [Pauses] Because my birthday party shall go on. Forever....
DFDershlit family
And ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever....
[Suddenly, Mrs. Benson and T-Bo ram through the door on T-Bo's motercycle]
Freddie
Mom!
Chicken? [Maurice clucks]
Freddie! [Freddie runs over and hugs her]
Hey, if you're going to Yakima for the weekend how are we gonna do iCarly?
Oh yeah, you wanna host the show alone?
Naaah, I need somebody to banter with.
Freddie
Uhh, how about me? I could host iCarly with Sam.
Ooorr, I could fill a bag with yogurt and put a face on it?
That is hilarious. You could call him Baggels.
Freddie
You'd rather do comedy with a sack of yogurt than me?
[Sam and Carly pull weird faces and try and not admit the fact that he's right]
Freddie
I can be creative! I've been working on some really funny characters and stuff.
Freddie
I've done stuff on the show before!
Freddie
Just let me host the show with Sam one time.
Freddie
Yes! [turns to Sam with a pleading look.]
Freddie
Yes! This is gonna be awesome! Yeah yohooo!
Have Baggels standing by.
Freddie
I just wanted people to think I was creative.
And I wanted a mom without stretch marks. That ain't happening. And... y'know, tech stuff can be sorta creative.
Freddie
What do you mean?
Well... you know, weren't you working on some sort of tech-y 3-D chizz?
Freddie
*sighs* Yeah. I was trying to figure out a way to shoot video so people could watch it online in three-D. Y'know, without special glasses.
Freddie
But I never could make it work.
Well... you know... uh....
Freddie
I... should try again?
Yeah, sounds like the sort of advice you'd get from someone who cares.
[After Marty leaves, Spencer turns to Sam and Freddie.]
Freddie
Come on. Let's go meet Gibby at the Smoothie.
[As Freddie takes his jacket from the sofa and Spencer takes his jacket from a jacket hanger, the elevator stops at the floor of the Shay Apartment.]
[Comes out of the elevator with her suitcase] I'm back.
Freddie
See you.
[Sam, Freddie, and Spencer leave the apartment, leaving Carly standing confused.]
Okay wait, is it straight?
Freddie
Ummm, I think my side needs to be a little higher.
[Sam looks at Carly with a worried look on her face]
What are you doing with that balloon?
Taping the string to Freddie's phone.
Freddie
My.... [rummages around for his phone in a slight panic] Get your hands off my phone!
No prob. [lets go of the balloon]
Freddie
Oh, no...
Freddie
You get my phone down from there right now!
[Sam pulls out her mini paintball gun]
Freddie
No no wait, I want you t-
[Sam bursts the balloon and Freddie's phone smashes on the table]
Freddie
Not sure the warranty covers that.
[Gibby walks in]
Gibbay! Woah, you guys getting ready for a party?
Freddie
Carly's dad's coming home for a few days.
And it's the first time in 3 years that I get to spend his birthday with him.
So, Spencer's not your dad?
[Sam whacks Gibby in the butt with a paintball in annoyance]
[annoyed] You deserved that.
Great. Now when I sit I'm gonna have to put all my weight on my left buttock.
[Spencer runs out]
Okay! Okay, tell me what you guys think, huh? [makes funny noises while doing a weird jog on the spot, He is wearing a suit]
Freddie
You got a job interview?
He never told our dad that he dropped out of law school so now he wants to pretend he graduated and that he's a lawyer in a big law firm.
[fake laughs] I gotta! You want dad to come home and be disappointed in me?
He's been disappointed in you since you were 9!
Freddie
Is that when Spencer set that ice-cream truck on fire?
[annoyed] It was an accident!
Accident or not, it put Mr. Creamstein out of business!
[Gibby lifts up a lid of a box revealing a cake]
That's her dad's birthday cake.
Yeah, it's an exact replica of an Air Force, F22, fighter jet.
Aha! Which I have specially rigged with automatic, self-lighting candles.
Spencer- [tries to grab the remote off of him]
Don' touch me, your dirty. [everyone looks around all confused] When we show dad the cake he say "Well, why aren't the candles lit?" and then Carly will say "Well what do you mean the candles aren't lit?" and then I'll press this button, and-
[The cake explodes everywhere and all over everybody]
iCarly · 611 quotes
