Freddie Benson quotes from iCarly

(referring to the old lady who stomped her) She stomped me with her boney old foot!

Freddie

You want me to rub it? (she looks at him displeased) You rub it.

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SSecurity officer

(to the people quarreling with each other) Stop fighting! You don't need to do this! Have you no sense of decency?!?

(is playing with a Rubik's cube and completes one side, then turns to Sam) Look! I got one side done.

Nice.

Freddie

Will you take your head out of your Fatshake and listen to me?! [grabs fatshake and slams it on table]

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[Sam runs into Spencer and Carly's apartment]

Hey! Can I come in?! Freddie get off that computer! Have you guys seen this?! YOU GOTTA SEE THIS!!!

Freddie

No wait, just give me about 20- [Sam pushes Freddie off the chair] GOING DOWN!!! [falls to the floor before getting up] Aw, man! It was rendering!

[to Sam] What is up?

Nevel!

Papperman?

[sarcastically] No, Nevel van Houterschmousen.

[idiotically] The pianist?!

Freddie

There's only one Nevel.

And he's not a pianist.

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[Nevel shows up at the apartment and the gang tie him up on the sofa next to Gibby, eating pudding]

Nevel

Must you eat your pudding so loudly?

Okay, Nevel, why are you here?

Yeah, why?

Freddie

You hate us.

Nevel

I don't hate anyone anymore except myself. Until I saw that video of me shouting at that little girl, I didn't realize what a terrible, awful person I really am.

This pudding rocks.

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You've seen the animal channel!

Freddie

[looks confused]

The...the horses.

Freddie

[raises eyebrows]

When they want two horses to...y'know... "DATE"...

Freddie

[nods head]

...they put 'em in the same barn together...then they, like, turn the barn lights down...

Freddie

[smiles, raises eyebrows, and nods]

Oh, you know what I'm talking about, why are you making me say it!?

Freddie

[laughs] Okay, okay. So we get Sam and Brad. Take 'em to a barn...

Stop joking, this is serious!

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Freddie

Look, I know it's scary for you to put your feelings out there, 'cuz you never know if the person you like is gonna like you back. Everyone feels that way. But you never know what might happen if you don't-

[Sam kisses Freddie; Carly, who happened to be inside the room at the window at that moment, witnesses it, shockingly realizing that Sam is in love with Freddie, and not Brad as she thought. Once they break up, the two are stunned for a few seconds.]

Freddie

I...

S-sorry.

Freddie

...It's cool.

[The two are mildly surprised as the camera focuses in on the dumbfounded Carly, ending the episode.]

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[Freddie, Carly and Gibby walk into the mental hospital]

NNurse

Hi, welcome to Troubled Waters, how may I help you?

'Umm, we're here to see Sam Puckett?

NNurse

Oh I'm sorry, Miss Puckett isn't accepting visitors.

[Caleb pokes his head out of the janitors closet]

Freddie

Listen, we're like, really close friends with Sam.

Could we please just talk to her for a minute?

NNurse

Just for a minute?

Promise.

NNurse

No.

[Caleb walks over to Gibby]

CCaleb

Please get me some barilium nitrate and four metric tons of ionized quadrazine.

Sorry, I don't roll that way.

[Caleb walks off]

[Freddie and Carly pull Gibby over to one side]

Freddie

Distract the nurse so we can go find Sam.

Think you can do that?

Umm.. Gibbay.

Freddie

Go.

Good.

[Caleb walks up behind Freddie and Carly]

CCaleb

You can kick me anywhere below the waist and I won't feel it.

Freddie

[slightly disturbed and confused] Why not?

CCaleb

My pants, are made of neutronium cotton. You don't believe me? Kick my thighs. [slaps his own thigh] Kick 'em hard.

Um..

Freddie

We, uhh...

We don't, want to.

CCaleb

Liar!

[Caleb walks off and Freddie and Carly are left very confused]

Gibby; Gibbbaaayyyy!! [Gibby jumps over the front desk]

[Freddie and Carly take a step back in shock]

NNurse

Oh my goodness, are you alrig- Argghhhh!!

Freddie

Okay, I'll go this way.

No no, you go that way.

[Carly and Freddie push each other in speed and panic]

Freddie

Oh fine, just, go go go!

Go!

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Accept it Carls, I've lost my mind.

What? You think just cause you like Freddie-

Urghh, don't say it outloud! [throws herself on her bed]

It's alright to say it outloud.

[puts her pillow over her head] No it's not!

Sam loves Freddie!!

Carly!

Sam loves Freddie! Sam loves Freddie!

Quit it.. Carly!

Sam loves Freddie! Sam loves Freddie! Sam loves-! [Sam catches her and covers her mouth]

[Freddie walks in a little confused]

Freddie

There you guys are.

You get out!

[Carly tries to get free]

Licking my hand won't make me let go.

Freddie

Sam c'mon, just... [Freddie helps Carly free]

Ewww! Why's your hand taste like peanuts and mud?

Cause yesterday I was outside playing in the mud eating peanuts.

I'm gonna leave this room, go wash my tongue, and you too, talk.

[Carly leaves and Sam and Freddie just stand still not knowing what to say]

I don't hear talking!

Why'd you come here?

Freddie

To find out why you checked yourself into a mental hospital.

You wanna know why?

Freddie

Kinda!

Because I hate you.

Freddie

Then why'd you kiss me?

Because I-! ...I like you.

Freddie

So you hate me, and you like me?

Now you see why I need to be in here?!

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SGSecurity Guard

What's going on?!

NNurse

That patient's trying to escape.

Urgh, I'm not trying to escape!

She checked herself in here!

And now I'm checking myself out. Now go get my bag or no tip.

SGSecurity Guard

You're under 18 years of age. You can't leave here without permission from a parent.

Dude! My mom's in Teowana having laser hair removal!

SGSecurity Guard

Where's your father?

You tell me!

Look sir, you gotta let her leave, we're doing iCarly tomorrow night.

SGSecurity Guard

i What?

Freddie

It's a popular web show.

SGSecurity Guard

Can't be that popular if I've never heard of it.

It's not for old people.

SGSecurity Guard

Look! She stays, [drags Sam over to some doctors who try and take her back to her room] you people, leave.

[Freddie and Carly get dragged out by security guards]

Freddie

Are you kidding me?!

Hey paws off! I'm the future vice president of the United States!

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Freddie

Ok, I wanna know,

Whatcha wanna know?

Freddie

When you first started to like me.

Okay, (sighs). Remember the time I pushed you in front of that bike messenger and he knocked you down and your head hit that fire hydrant?

Freddie

Yes,

Well afterwards, when you were laying there, moaning, blood coming out your ear,

Freddie

Yeah,

I don't know, you looked, kinda cute.

Freddie

Aww, then it was worth the hearing loss.

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I can't believe you're being so cheap!

Freddie

I can't believe you're being so pushy!

T-bo

I can't believe I still don't have my 36 dollars!

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[turns to Freddie] This is not how boyfriends behave!

Freddie

Uh, yes it is!

Ok, let's go ask Carly what she thinks!

Freddie

Let's do it! [they both get up and leave the Groovie Smoothie]

T-Bo

Wait, Wait! What about my 36 dollars?

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Freddie

[looks to Carly] Carly, is it wrong to tell a person that it's not polite to talk with their mouth full of lasagna?

[looks to Carly and scoffs] Is it wrong for a person to pick on every little thing I do?

[frustrated as she slams her fork down and, gets up] Yes. And yes! You both should be furious with each other! [walks over to their table and pushes Sam over hard] Furious!

Freddie

Well, I wouldn't say I'm furious.

Well, you should be furious! What guy wants to go on a date and watch a girl go: [mocking Sam's table manners] "Bleh! I'm Sam Puckett! Bleh! Wa-wa-wa."

[looks offended]

Freddie

...Ew.

[to Sam] And how can you sit there and listen to that whiny nub go: [mocking Freddie nitpicking at Sam] "Bleh! You're using too much Parmesan! Bleh! Don't chew with your mouth open! Bleh!" Seriously! Why don't you two just pick up your forks, and use them to jab each other in the eyes?! [slams fork down on the table].

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I'm just supposed to sit here and wait for you guys to have a fight so I can settle it?

Pretty much.

Freddie

We'd really appreciate that.

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Hi, I made a lawn!

That is a lawn.

See, this is why I don't like to leave the house. What do we do with it? [pokes Spencer in the stomach]

Whatever we wanna do!

The possibilities are limitless!

We can play on it, we can sit on it and listen to music, we can have a barbecue on it-

We can play badminton.

You play badminton?

Heck yeah! Got my own racket and shuttlecock!

Sweet! [high fives Gibby] Oh! And at night, we can just lay on the grass and, stare up at the stars.

Yeeeaaahhhh.

[Spencer and Gibby look up]

Okay. [walks over to the kitchen]

Man, wait 'till Sam and Freddie see this. I bet they love lawns.

Where are they?

Probably making out.

Eewwwwww!

Why ewww?

I don't like couples that are all public with their.. [makes kissing noises, trying to make fun of Sam and Freddie kissing]

Oh c'mon! Sam and Freddie have spent years practically hating each other, I think it's kinda nice to see them being all... [makes kissing noises]

No no, it's more like... [makes more kissing noises]

[Carly and Spencer carry on making kissing noises making fun of Sam and Freddie]

Haha. Look at this lawn. This is one sweet patch. [starts stroking the grass]

SSencer

You know that's Kentucky Chuck grass.

Seriously?!

[Sam walks in quite angry]

Unbelievable!

You don't live here.

Freddie

Don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you!

Fine, then talk.

Freddie

Okay, look, it's not that i didn't appre-

(groans and walks away)

Freddie

You walked away again!

Look at my lawn.

What are you guys fighting about?

Nothin'.

Freddie

Mr. Fracs gave me a B on my world history paper and I was mad because I thought I deserved an A.

That's right, you told me you were mad at Fracs.

Freddie

That didn't mean I wanted revenge!

If he's gonna give you B's, why shouldn't I give him bees?

Wait, what'd you do?

I filled his car with bees.

Freddie

I don't need you to fight my battles for me.

Come on baby, you wrote a good paper.

Freddie

I know, but you can't just go around-

Alright, listen. Sam, Freddie should be able to complain about people to you without worrying that you're gonna put them in a hospital.

I guess.

And Freddie, even though it's a little extreme, to violate a man with bees, you should a least appreciate that Sam did it because she cares about you.

Freddie

(Sighs) Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry.

(Puts her arms out towards him) Give mama some sugar.

Freddie

Okay. [they kiss and hug]

Awww.

SGSpencer and Gibby

Awww.