Sam Puckett quotes from iCarly

Hey, when did Freddie start looking so hot?

Okay, this chick is nothing like me!

Oh, come on, you guys could be sisters!

[to the fake Sam] You ever been arrested?

No.

We cannot be related.

Spencer

Hey, what's up, Carly and friends?

Carly

Nothing!

Sam

Everything!

Spencer

Oh. Well, that's not vague. What's the problem?

Freddie

Sam, even though you CONSTANTLY cause me both PHYSICAL and EMOTIONAL pain (rest of the party laughs) ...ha,ha, not joking... I like to think of us as really close friends.

Sam

Apparently I haven't caused him ENOUGH emotional pain!

Carly

If you wanna be all soft and girly, you gotta--

Sam

Don't say it!

Carly

I'm just gonna say--

Sam

DON'T!

Carly

Okay, I won't say it.

Sam

Thanks.

Carly

...Panties.

Sam

AAH!!!

Carly

Sam?!

Sam

Well, how can I pretend to have a crush on Freddie if I'm looking at his face?!

Freddie

You know, I don't need this!

Carly

Sam?

Sam

Yeah?

Carly

Rip her head off!

Sam

Can I be excused?

You need to go to the restroom?

Sam

No, I just hate this.

T-Bo

Here's your smoothie.

Sam

Thanks. (pays him)

T-Bo

You want some bagels with that? [Winks]

Sam

DON'T START WITH ME!

Griffin

[to Carly] If I go to your apartment, your brother's gonna want to tase me.

Sam

Nah, I've been tased before... It's not so bad.

Freddie

[greeting Carly and Sam] Buenos dias, muchacha-latas.

Carly

Freddie, we need your opinion.

Sam

And if you can, try not to make it stupid.

Carly

Sam... What would you think of someone who... collects Pee Wee babies?

Freddie

I don't know, depends. How old is she?

Carly

Aw, man!

Freddie

What?

Carly

"She"?! Why'd you have to say "she?!"

Freddie

What is going on here?

Sam

"She" is... Griffin.

Carly

Oh...

Freddie

[raises fists in triumph] YES!!!!! OHHHH YEAAAAAAH!!!!! HA HA HA!!!!!

Carly

It's NOT funny!

Sam

It's kinda funny...

Sam

So you gonna break up with him?

Carly

I don't know. I don't wanna be a terrible person. Should I just keep dating him?

Sam

Why not? Hey, maybe you can double date. You know, you, him, Willy the Walrus and Peggy the Penguin...

Carly

Peter the Penguin. Maybe I should wear a bunny suit on our next date!

Sam

He'd probably ask you to marry him!

Carly

Then we can honeymoon on Pee Wee Island!

Griffin

Real funny.

Carly

GRIFFIN! [makes shocked sound] I... I didn't know you were there!

Griffin

You were making fun of my Pee Wee Babies! What, you don't think Pee Wee Babies are cool?

Carly

Well, I just thought you were a different kind of guy.

Griffin

What kind?

Carly

The kind that doesn't collect Pee Wee Babies?

Griffin

Okay, look. If you can't accept my hobby, then maybe we should break up.

Griffin

Well?

Whee!

Don't break up with us, Carly!

Love us!

We can all get married!

And honeymoon on pee wee island!

The sand on the beach is made of sugar!

Whee! Whee!

Griffin

You know what? Forget it. We're over. [leaves]

Sam

Dude, he's walkin' out.

Carly

[relieved] Yeah...!

Carly

[about Sam being paranoid] And last year you were sure Gibby was a mermaid.

Sam

He hates wearing shirts! Coincidence?

Sam

I feel like butt! (coughs) Remember that time you dared me to lick the swing set?

Freddie

No, I said, "Sam, don't lick the swing set," and you said, "Don't tell me what to do, Benson," and then you licked the swing set.

Carly

[about the expiration date of a box of chocolates] I can't read this. It's written in... foreign.

Sam

Well, I looked it up, it says 1992. That chocolate's older than the Fresh Prince of Bel Air!

Carly

What are you doing?! (swats a piece of Persian chocolate out of Sam's hand)

Sam

Having a piece of Persian chocolate.

Carly

You said it was a stomach bomb!

Sam

But it's so good. (she tries to take another, but Carly swats that out too)