SGSecurity Guard
What's going on?!
NNurse
That patient's trying to escape.
SamUrgh, I'm not trying to escape!
She checked herself in here!
Sam
And now I'm checking myself out. Now go get my bag or no tip.
SGSecurity Guard
You're under 18 years of age. You can't leave here without permission from a parent.
Sam
Dude! My mom's in Teowana having laser hair removal!
SGSecurity Guard
Where's your father?
Sam
You tell me!
Look sir, you gotta let her leave, we're doing iCarly tomorrow night.
SGSecurity Guard
Can't be that popular if I've never heard of it.
Sam
It's not for old people.
SGSecurity Guard
Look! She stays, [drags Sam over to some doctors who try and take her back to her room] you people, leave.
[Freddie and Carly get dragged out by security guards]
Hey paws off! I'm the future vice president of the United States!
Sam
Whatcha wanna know?
When you first started to like me.
Sam
Okay, (sighs). Remember the time I pushed you in front of that bike messenger and he knocked you down and your head hit that fire hydrant?
Sam
Well afterwards, when you were laying there, moaning, blood coming out your ear,
Sam
I don't know, you looked, kinda cute.
Aww, then it was worth the hearing loss.
[looks to Carly] Carly, is it wrong to tell a person that it's not polite to talk with their mouth full of lasagna?
Sam
[looks to Carly and scoffs] Is it wrong for a person to pick on every little thing I do?
[frustrated as she slams her fork down and, gets up] Yes. And yes! You both should be furious with each other! [walks over to their table and pushes Sam over hard] Furious!
Well, I wouldn't say I'm furious.
Well, you should be furious! What guy wants to go on a date and watch a girl go: [mocking Sam's table manners] "Bleh! I'm Sam Puckett! Bleh! Wa-wa-wa."
Sam
[looks offended]
[to Sam] And how can you sit there and listen to that whiny nub go: [mocking Freddie nitpicking at Sam] "Bleh! You're using too much Parmesan! Bleh! Don't chew with your mouth open! Bleh!" Seriously! Why don't you two just pick up your forks, and use them to jab each other in the eyes?! [slams fork down on the table].
See, this is why I don't like to leave the house. What do we do with it? [pokes Spencer in the stomach]
The possibilities are limitless!
We can play on it, we can sit on it and listen to music, we can have a barbecue on it-
Heck yeah! Got my own racket and shuttlecock!
Sweet! [high fives Gibby] Oh! And at night, we can just lay on the grass and, stare up at the stars.
[Spencer and Gibby look up]
Okay. [walks over to the kitchen]
Man, wait 'till Sam and Freddie see this. I bet they love lawns.
I don't like couples that are all public with their.. [makes kissing noises, trying to make fun of Sam and Freddie kissing]
Oh c'mon! Sam and Freddie have spent years practically hating each other, I think it's kinda nice to see them being all... [makes kissing noises]
No no, it's more like... [makes more kissing noises]
[Carly and Spencer carry on making kissing noises making fun of Sam and Freddie]
Haha. Look at this lawn. This is one sweet patch. [starts stroking the grass]
SSencer
You know that's Kentucky Chuck grass.
[Sam walks in quite angry]
Sam
Unbelievable!
Don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you!
Sam
Fine, then talk.
Okay, look, it's not that i didn't appre-
Sam
(groans and walks away)
What are you guys fighting about?
Sam
Nothin'.
Mr. Fracs gave me a B on my world history paper and I was mad because I thought I deserved an A.
Sam
That's right, you told me you were mad at Fracs.
That didn't mean I wanted revenge!
Sam
If he's gonna give you B's, why shouldn't I give him bees?
Sam
I filled his car with bees.
I don't need you to fight my battles for me.
Sam
Come on baby, you wrote a good paper.
I know, but you can't just go around-
Alright, listen. Sam, Freddie should be able to complain about people to you without worrying that you're gonna put them in a hospital.
Sam
I guess.
And Freddie, even though it's a little extreme, to violate a man with bees, you should a least appreciate that Sam did it because she cares about you.
(Sighs) Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry.
Sam
(Puts her arms out towards him) Give mama some sugar.
Okay. [they kiss and hug]
SGSpencer and Gibby
Awww.
Don't you guys wanna go to dinner by yourselves? You know, like, just the two of you?
Sam
Nah, everytime we're alone for an hour, we fight about something.
So, we want you to come with us, 'cause you always come up with smart ways for us to compromise.
Sam
And anyway, have you ever had the lasagna at Pini's?
Good? [walks to his cart]
Sam
Uh, it is so good that when I die, please bury me naked in a bathtub full of Pini's lasagna!
So, things are going good with you and Freddie?
Sam
Yeah, way better. Only 3 fights this week.
Sam
Not in the face...
[smiles] Aww, that's sweet.
[knocks on Carly's bedroom door; comes in holding his blue laptop] So, guess a-who just finished editing iCarly's next fake movie trailer?
The same guy a-who edits all of iCarly's fake movie trailers?
[smiles proudly] Yes... [to Sam] Hey, cuteness.
Sam
Lips please. [Freddie leans down, gently lifts Sam's chin with his fingers and kisses her for 3 seconds]
[shocked in a good way] How did this happen?? You guys have a relationship, and I have a magnetic fish! [holds up the fishing rod she's been holding with a magnetic fish at the end]
[to Sam and Freddie] So, last week you two made me your involuntary Couple's Counselor. Then you edited me out of "Super Bra" and tonight you made me do iCarly by myself.
[offended as he yells to Carly] What am I, a mushroom?!
[to Carly] Okay, you're making way too big a deal out of--
Sam
[to Freddie as she gently pats him on the arm 3 times] Hey, hey, hey this isn't about us missing the show...
[to Sam] She seems pretty upset by-- [Sam nods at him] Oh, right...
Sam
Mm hmm...
[rolls her eyes, annoyed] What's right?
[to Carly] Look, since Sam and I started going out [looks to Sam, then back at Carly], maybe you've been feeling a little--
Sam
[finishing his sentence] Jealous.
[looking shocked] Wh- wh- wh- wh? [scoffs] You two think I'm jealous of your relationship?
Sam
And maybe you were the one who let his mom know that we were going out.
SFSam and Freddie
[glaring at Gibby]
Sam
[mad] Gibby?
[sarcastic to Carly] Thanks, Carly! So much for secrets!
Sam
[runs to Gibby and throws him on the floor while screaming]
[to Freddie] You know eventually you're gonna have to tell your mom you and Sam are dating.
[scoffs] Oh really, you wanna see my mom burst into flames?
Sam
[laughs]
[Off Screen knocking on the door] Freddie, are you in there? Come home! It's time for your tick bath!
Sam
[to Freddie] No worries, we'll take the 'vator. [to Spencer] Tell his batty mom you haven't seen him or me.
No, no, de nopedy nope, I am not gonna lie to your mother.
'Cause when you tell one lie it just leads to another lie, and another lie...and before you know it, you're a guy telling multiple lies.
Sam
[scoffs] Oh come on, when the girl with no teeth kept coming over here I lied for you.
[OS annoyed knocking on the door louder] Fredward Benson!
SFSam and Freddie
[look to Spencer, pleadingly]
[Sam and Freddie run toward the elevator door. Sam pushes the second button]
[OS annoyed knocking on the door] Fredward!
[to Sam and Freddie] You know, you guys could invite me to go to the movies with you. [as Sam and Freddie step in the elevator]
[to Carly as the elevator door is closing, hesitating] Uh, well if you wanted to--
Sam
[to Carly as the elevator door is closing, hesitating] Um.. well, okay, let's get the door.
SFSam and Freddie
[as the elevator door shuts] Bye, Carly!
[looking at his PearPhone] Ah, dag, man! No!
Sam
[to Freddie] What's the matter, baby?
I didn't get into that summer program I applied to.
It's not NERD Camp. It's "New Electronics Research and Development camp!"
[laughs to Freddie] You're perfect for that!
[looks at Freddie] Look, having Sam in your life is like owning a wild chimp...
FSFreddie and Sam
[both look confused]
Sure, she is unpredictable; she can go berserk and chew your foot off. But if you keep her clean and well fed, she's adorable [puts her arm around Sam] and cool and tons of fun.
[interrupts Freddie] She said she was sorry! And she really meant it.
Sam loves you! [looks at Sam waiting for her to speak then nudges her]
Sam
[shyly] It's kinda true.
[steps to the side and gestures for Sam to kiss Freddie then pushes them closer together]
Sam
[smiles lovingly back at him]
[pushes them together to kiss]
SFSam and Freddie
[kiss for 10 seconds]
CChaz
[threateningly, jokingly] You just be good to our little Sammy, or we're gonna have to stab you.
CUncle Carmine
..All over.
SCSam, Chaz, and Uncle Carmine
[laugh thinking the threat's funny]
[laughs awkwardly and nervously; still scared by the threat]
[to Carly] You see this one is an exact replica of a 1952 Santa Fe Trudgemaster.
You see these 4 rivets right here? A 1952 has 6 rivets.
Hey, I'm not gonna lie, I'm super bored by this.
Well, you wouldn't be so bored if you had come to my train club meeting to watch this baby in action.
Hmm, I'm pretty sure I woulda been.
Sam
[to Carly] Hey Carls. [to Freddie] Hey Pretty Baby.
Hey Lil' Samantha. [Sam and Freddie kiss]
Alright, let's cool it with the public display of affection.
Sam
C'mon. We haven't kissed in two days.
Why didn't you guys kiss over the weekend?
Sam
Because we didn't see each other.
You didn't go play trains with him on Saturday night?
Sam
Naah. My mom and I went out to dinner and then we did some shopping. But we're gonna hang out after school right?
Can't. I gotta go with my mom to her lady doctor. And I thought you said you had soccer practice?
Sam
Oh yeah.
You joined the soccer team?
Sam
Naah. Me and Wendy are just gonna use golf clubs to hit balls out towards the field.
Sam
[gives her a no-duh kind of look] That's when the soccer girls are out in the open.
[to Sam and Freddie] Okay, so you guys aren't gonna hang out together today and you didn't see each other at all this weekend?
SFSam and Freddie
[shake their heads no]
Sam
Um..Nuh uh
[to Carly] We're just not into the same kinda things.
Sam
[to Carly] Diff'rent stokes baby.
Sam
[glances to Freddie] So?
[to Sam] So part of dating is you learning to like stuff he likes [to Freddie] and you learning to like stuff she likes.
Sam
[confused] Uh.
[to Sam, pats her on the back] Well, I got another meeting with my Model Train Club on Wednesday night. Wanna come?
Sam
[leans over to Carly] Should I be polite and lie?
Sam
[goes back over to Freddie] I'd love to Baby.
[puts his arm around Sam] Aww, that's my little fibber.
Sam
[Takes deep breath] A buh buh buh buh [gives Freddie a kiss on the cheek]
iCarly · 611 quotes
