Sam Puckett quotes from iCarly

Nevel

Okay, Freddie, I'm not scared of you.

Freddie

That's cool. (he shuts the door to the ring and locks it. A light appears that uncloaks Carly)

Carly

Hello, Nevel.

Nevel

I'm not scared of you, either. (after a bit of silence, another light appears that uncloaks Sam)

Sam

'Sup, Nevel?

Nevel

Okay, you I'm scared of.

Carly

Just admit it.

Nevel

Admit what?

Sam

That you tricked Shelby Marx with some fake video.

Carly

That made it look like I meant to tackle her grandmother.

Nevel

(fakes a gasp) I did no such thing. (Sam steps closer to him) Okay! I tricked Shelby! ...So? (a light appears that uncloaks Shelby)

Shelby

Hi, Nevel.

Nevel

Oh, dear. [Carly, Sam and Shelby start to close in on him] Oh, okay... what are you gonna do? Ladies, my pants are very expensive. [view cuts to outside the Seattle Super Center] AAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Carly

You're in trouble!

Sam

Who has urine trouble?

Carly

No! You tweeted about me spitting in Nate's eye!

Sam

It was a totally tweetworthy event!

Carly

Maybe, but I'd appreciate it if you didn't tweet about my personal spit!

Carly

I can't believe you embarrassed me like that in front of the whole web!

Sam

Well, if you didn't want me to do it, then why didn't you say something?

Carly

You duct-taped my mouth shut!

Sam

Come on, you might meet a really cool guy!

Carly

Or a psychopath with a chainsaw!

Freddie

Girls who are rude to me don't get a bag of bacon. (holds up bacon)

Sam

(really fast) Whoa, Freddie, I never realized what a hot handsome hunk of boy you really are.

Sam

Dude, it's enormous...

Spencer

I know!

Freddie

It's like 10-Feet tall!

Spencer

Yeah. Its like what you said: 1 10-feet iCarly award.

Carly

NO! We said 10 1-foot iCarly Awardsssss...

Sam

And now, since I drank five sodas before we started tonight, I must go pee.

Carly

Sam!

Sam

You want my bladder to explode live on the internet?

Carly

Ew, no.

Sam

You got that on video?

Mr. Howard

No.

Sam

Then I didn't do it.

Carly

Why are we in trouble?!

Mr. Howard

Stop asking that!

Carly

No fudge balls were harmed during this web show.

Sam

Yeah, they were.

Carly

Oh, right, a man sat on them.

Principal Franklin

I've been fired.

What?! Why?!

Sam

Dude, we gotta stop doing that...

T-Bo

You wanna buy a donut?

Freddie

No, we're having a meeting.

Sam

Why'd you stick the donuts on that way?

T-Bo

What you saying?

Freddie

Well, they're donuts, they have a hole right in the middle.

Sam

But you put the stick through the sides.

T-Bo

Man. This is embarrassing.

Sam

Ugh, I can't believe school's actually gotten worse.

Carly

Shh.

Freddie

Be quiet.

Sam

[sulkily] I don't wanna be quiet! I hate these clothes! Wearing blue and khaki makes me feel like a nub! [to Freddie] No offense to you and all the other nubs in the world.

Carly

[warns Sam] You shouldn't criticize the dress code out loud.

Sam

Why? It's not like they're gonna hear me, and how come I gotta--

Sam Puckett, to the principal's office!

Sam

Huh? Why?

I heard you.

Sam

[screams so loud in anxiety due to her losing her temper] “T-BO!” [Her screaming ends up scaring T-Bo]

T-Bo

[drops smoothie; angrily] What?!

Sam

[She then stops screaming] We want a table that's as far away from them as possible! [indicates Carly and Dave]

T-Bo

[still angry] Have I ever cared where you sat?!

Sam

...You dip your french fries in your smoothie?

Yeah, try it.

Sam

Okay, but...(she does and takes a bite of it) Seems kinda weird, 'cause the french fry's all salty, and the smoothie's all...oh, man, you're a genius.

Yeah.

[gets hit with a muffin] Ow!

Carly

What?

He just threw a muffin at me.

Carly

Well, that is-- [gets hit with a muffin by Sam] Ow! Sam!

Sam

It slipped!

You got a cranberry on your nose.

Carly

[removes the cranberry, folds her arms, and grabs a muffin and attempts to hit Sam, but it hits an elderly lady]

Ahhhh!

Carly

[shocked] I'm so sorry!

Sam

I accept your apology.

Carly

It wasn't for you; it was for the lady I muffined!

Carly

I'm just saying, it might be nice if you showed a tiny bit of appreciation for the work I do to make iCarly happen.

Sam

MORE appreciation? You already named the show after yourself.

Carly

Well, if you don't like the name iCARLY, then maybe we should change it to... iSAM, who's too lazy to even show up for rehearsal most of the time.