Sam Puckett quotes from iCarly

Carly

I know you're upset, but hedge clippers are never the answer.

Sam

Well...

Carly

Never the answer!

Carly

I can do iCarly by myself.

Sam

You can't do iCarly without me!

Freddie

I MEAN IT! BOTH OF YOU, GET BACK INSIDE, RIGHT NOW!

Sam

I'm not going back in unless Carly goes first!

Carly

Well I'm not going back in 'till Dave and I shoot what we need for our video! ...No matter how messy this wind makes my hair!

Carly, it’s not worth it! And you guys are friends, you shouldn’t be fighting!

Yeah, friends shouldn’t fight!

I just said that!

Well, I thought it before you said it!

Liar!

Sam

Carly! Don't let go!

Carly

[hanging from the edge of the platform] WHY ON EARTH WOULD I LET GO?!?!

Sam

I have as much of a right to Freddie as you do!

Carly

No, you don't! Freddie loves me!

Freddie

Hey, look, a freckle on my wrist...

Carly

Look, we made it.

Sam

Yeah, and neither one of us cried the whole time.

Carly

Nope. We're brave.

Sam

Yeah, we are.

Spencer

You bought a taco?

Sam

Uh-huh.

Spencer

From the truck that hit Freddie?

Sam

Well, me starving is not gonna help him!

Sam

Use your face and body to protect me.

Gibby

Ah, like a human shield.

Sam

I was gonna say bullet monkey, but whatever tickles your peach.

Gibby

There's Spencer with a fake beard!

OY!

Mr. Stern

Rabbi Goldman!

Sam

[to Gibby] That was a real rabbi!

Gibby

I didn't know! I don't have cable!

Mr. Stern

Puckett, you just earned yourself triple detention. Come along, rabbi.

Gibby

How my hair look, Sam?

Sam

You look good, Gib.

Sam

Remember two years ago when I dated that guy Eric Moseby–- kid with the big nose?

Freddie

Sure, Noseby Moseby.

Sam

Uh-huh. And remember how he tried to get me to be his girlfriend for like six months and I kept saying, "Get away from me, or I'll kill you"? And then he bought me a subscription to the Bacons of the World Club, and then boom, I thought I was in love with the guy?

Freddie

I'm listening.

Sam

I was never in love with him; I was in love with the foreign bacon that kept showing up at my door every month...like a beautiful greasy dream.

Freddie

I doubt that bacon can make you think you're in love with someone.

Sam

You ever had Bolivian bacon?

Freddie

No.

Sam

It changes you.

Freddie

You just can't stand the idea of Carly and me as a couple.

Sam

Very true, it makes me wanna puke up blood.

Okay, I dare Sam to get arrested.

Carly

Nope, uh-uh.

Sam

Been there, done that.

Sam

I look hot.

Carly

I feel violated.

Sam

[as introduction to the audience] My name is Samantha Puckett, I'm from Seattle, and I love fried chicken!

Carly

[backstage, to a random person] It's true she really does.