SGSecurity Guard
What's going on?!
NNurse
That patient's trying to escape.
Urgh, I'm not trying to escape!
CarlyShe checked herself in here!
And now I'm checking myself out. Now go get my bag or no tip.
SGSecurity Guard
You're under 18 years of age. You can't leave here without permission from a parent.
Dude! My mom's in Teowana having laser hair removal!
SGSecurity Guard
Where's your father?
Carly
Look sir, you gotta let her leave, we're doing iCarly tomorrow night.
SGSecurity Guard
Can't be that popular if I've never heard of it.
SGSecurity Guard
Look! She stays, [drags Sam over to some doctors who try and take her back to her room] you people, leave.
[Freddie and Carly get dragged out by security guards]
Carly
Hey paws off! I'm the future vice president of the United States!
[Carly is spray painting a plastic butt]
Hey Carly! I brought you some- [pauses and looks at what Carly is doing] What'ya doing?
Carly
[sounding tired and stressed] Spray painting this butt blue.
Carly
It's for a bit we're doing on iCarly tonight.
[sounding excited] A blue butt bit?!
Carly
[sounding annoyed] Yes, a blue butt bit!
Ah! I brought you some corn juice. [shows Carly the glass of juice]
[Carly shrugs her shoulders looking confused and still a bit annoyed and stressed]
See, I was just, hanging on my lawn, shacking some corn, and I thought to myself, "How come no one's ever thought to juice corn?" So I grab a juicer and-
Carly
[starts to yell at Spencer] MAYBE NOBODY HAS EVER THOUGHT TO JUICE CORN BECAUSE MOST PEOPLE HAVE BRAINS THAT FUNCTION NORMALLY! [Throws her spray painter on the table in anger]
Uhh.. [sounding really upset]
Carly
Oh.
Carly
[starting to feel bad for yelling at him] Oh no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! No, here, give me the cup..
[Spencer starts crying]
Carly
Come here, come here.. [gives Spencer a hug] No, I know, you didn't do anything wrong!
[Spencer grabs Carly's hair and uses it to wipe his eyes and blow his nose]
Carly
I'm just.. Sam and Freddie have been bugging me like ten times a day to referee every little argument they have, and I'm just... I'm under a lot of stress!
Okay. [blows his nose on his towel] But if Sam and Freddie keep getting on your nerves, then, why do you keep helping them?
Carly
Cause they're my friends, and... they're in this new relationship, and I.. I want them to be happy. [takes a sip of the corn juice and spits it back into the cup] Corn juice is awful!
[Gibby comes out of the elevator and Spencer walks off]
Carly
Hey Gibby, you wanna help me with-
Carly
[confused]What?
After the show, you gotta take the puppy to the vet, I think he's got an anxious bladder.
Carly
Why me?!
Carly
No, he's not! I never wanted a dog!
[Gibby starts crying]
Carly
I'm sorry! Come here! [gives Gibby a hug] Oh my god I'm a monster. You want some corn juice?
[looks to Carly] Carly, is it wrong to tell a person that it's not polite to talk with their mouth full of lasagna?
[looks to Carly and scoffs] Is it wrong for a person to pick on every little thing I do?
Carly
[frustrated as she slams her fork down and, gets up] Yes. And yes! You both should be furious with each other! [walks over to their table and pushes Sam over hard] Furious!
Well, I wouldn't say I'm furious.
Carly
Well, you should be furious! What guy wants to go on a date and watch a girl go: [mocking Sam's table manners] "Bleh! I'm Sam Puckett! Bleh! Wa-wa-wa."
Carly
[to Sam] And how can you sit there and listen to that whiny nub go: [mocking Freddie nitpicking at Sam] "Bleh! You're using too much Parmesan! Bleh! Don't chew with your mouth open! Bleh!" Seriously! Why don't you two just pick up your forks, and use them to jab each other in the eyes?! [slams fork down on the table].
Carly? I'm coming in, I got a friend. [holds up a puppy]
Carly
Awwww, a puppy?
Carly
Yeah, he's really cute! [strokes the puppy]
You hear that little guy? Mommy loves you!
Carly
Uh, uh, why did you call me his mommy?
Well you know, Sam and Freddie are always hanging out together now,
Carly
Yeahh...
And that means you and I are going to have more time, just the two of us!
Carly
Yeaahhh...
So I figured sharing a dog would give us something to talk about!
Carly
No.
Carly
Those stars you put on the ceiling look so cool.
Good. 'Cause it wasn't easy getting 'em up there.
Carly
What about that moon?
Even harder. That thing weighs like 60 pounds.
Carly
Wow.
Yeah. Had to use a bunch of big long screws, and a steel cable to stur—
[The moon on the ceiling falls on Spencer and Carly.]
SCSpencer and Carly
(Groan)
Carly
See, this is why I don't like to leave the house. What do we do with it? [pokes Spencer in the stomach]
The possibilities are limitless!
We can play on it, we can sit on it and listen to music, we can have a barbecue on it-
Heck yeah! Got my own racket and shuttlecock!
Sweet! [high fives Gibby] Oh! And at night, we can just lay on the grass and, stare up at the stars.
[Spencer and Gibby look up]
Carly
Okay. [walks over to the kitchen]
Man, wait 'till Sam and Freddie see this. I bet they love lawns.
Carly
Why ewww?
I don't like couples that are all public with their.. [makes kissing noises, trying to make fun of Sam and Freddie kissing]
Carly
Oh c'mon! Sam and Freddie have spent years practically hating each other, I think it's kinda nice to see them being all... [makes kissing noises]
No no, it's more like... [makes more kissing noises]
[Carly and Spencer carry on making kissing noises making fun of Sam and Freddie]
Haha. Look at this lawn. This is one sweet patch. [starts stroking the grass]
SSencer
You know that's Kentucky Chuck grass.
[Sam walks in quite angry]
Don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you!
Okay, look, it's not that i didn't appre-
Carly
What are you guys fighting about?
Mr. Fracs gave me a B on my world history paper and I was mad because I thought I deserved an A.
That's right, you told me you were mad at Fracs.
That didn't mean I wanted revenge!
If he's gonna give you B's, why shouldn't I give him bees?
Carly
Wait, what'd you do?
I filled his car with bees.
I don't need you to fight my battles for me.
Come on baby, you wrote a good paper.
I know, but you can't just go around-
Carly
Alright, listen. Sam, Freddie should be able to complain about people to you without worrying that you're gonna put them in a hospital.
Carly
And Freddie, even though it's a little extreme, to violate a man with bees, you should a least appreciate that Sam did it because she cares about you.
(Sighs) Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry.
(Puts her arms out towards him) Give mama some sugar.
Okay. [they kiss and hug]
Carly
Awww.
SGSpencer and Gibby
Awww.
Carly
Don't you guys wanna go to dinner by yourselves? You know, like, just the two of you?
Nah, everytime we're alone for an hour, we fight about something.
So, we want you to come with us, 'cause you always come up with smart ways for us to compromise.
And anyway, have you ever had the lasagna at Pini's?
Carly
No, is it good?
Good? [walks to his cart]
Uh, it is so good that when I die, please bury me naked in a bathtub full of Pini's lasagna!
Carly
So, things are going good with you and Freddie?
Yeah, way better. Only 3 fights this week.
Carly
And you haven't hit him?
Carly
[smiles] Aww, that's sweet.
[knocks on Carly's bedroom door; comes in holding his blue laptop] So, guess a-who just finished editing iCarly's next fake movie trailer?
Carly
The same guy a-who edits all of iCarly's fake movie trailers?
[smiles proudly] Yes... [to Sam] Hey, cuteness.
Lips please. [Freddie leans down, gently lifts Sam's chin with his fingers and kisses her for 3 seconds]
Carly
[shocked in a good way] How did this happen?? You guys have a relationship, and I have a magnetic fish! [holds up the fishing rod she's been holding with a magnetic fish at the end]
Carly
[annoyed and angry] I'm going to kill Sam and Freddie! [to Gibby] Are you sure they haven't texted you?
[to Carly] Look, I'm just having some juice.
Carly
[frustrated] Well, fan-bat-tastic! iCarly starts in thirty seconds, and I'm here, alone!
I'll try not to take that the wrong way.
Carly
[to Gibby] Alright, we're starting iCarly. You and me. Get up!
Carly
In 5, 4, 3, 2.. [as she sets up the tech stuff] I'm Carly! [looks to Gibby]
[stands there and smiles as he says nothing]
Carly
[keeps glancing at Gibby to say something]
Carly
[disappointed] And this has been iCarly. [turns off the web cast]
Carly
[to Sam and Freddie] So, last week you two made me your involuntary Couple's Counselor. Then you edited me out of "Super Bra" and tonight you made me do iCarly by myself.
[offended as he yells to Carly] What am I, a mushroom?!
[to Carly] Okay, you're making way too big a deal out of--
[to Freddie as she gently pats him on the arm 3 times] Hey, hey, hey this isn't about us missing the show...
[to Sam] She seems pretty upset by-- [Sam nods at him] Oh, right...
Carly
[rolls her eyes, annoyed] What's right?
[to Carly] Look, since Sam and I started going out [looks to Sam, then back at Carly], maybe you've been feeling a little--
[finishing his sentence] Jealous.
Carly
[looking shocked] Wh- wh- wh- wh? [scoffs] You two think I'm jealous of your relationship?
And maybe you were the one who let his mom know that we were going out.
Carly
[shocked] I did not!
Carly
[screams] Gib---what?
SFSam and Freddie
[glaring at Gibby]
[sarcastic to Carly] Thanks, Carly! So much for secrets!
[runs to Gibby and throws him on the floor while screaming]
Carly
[to Freddie] You know eventually you're gonna have to tell your mom you and Sam are dating.
[scoffs] Oh really, you wanna see my mom burst into flames?
Carly
Yes!
[Off Screen knocking on the door] Freddie, are you in there? Come home! It's time for your tick bath!
[to Freddie] No worries, we'll take the 'vator. [to Spencer] Tell his batty mom you haven't seen him or me.
No, no, de nopedy nope, I am not gonna lie to your mother.
'Cause when you tell one lie it just leads to another lie, and another lie...and before you know it, you're a guy telling multiple lies.
[scoffs] Oh come on, when the girl with no teeth kept coming over here I lied for you.
[OS annoyed knocking on the door louder] Fredward Benson!
SFSam and Freddie
[look to Spencer, pleadingly]
[Sam and Freddie run toward the elevator door. Sam pushes the second button]
[OS annoyed knocking on the door] Fredward!
Carly
[to Sam and Freddie] You know, you guys could invite me to go to the movies with you. [as Sam and Freddie step in the elevator]
[to Carly as the elevator door is closing, hesitating] Uh, well if you wanted to--
[to Carly as the elevator door is closing, hesitating] Um.. well, okay, let's get the door.
SFSam and Freddie
[as the elevator door shuts] Bye, Carly!
[looking at his PearPhone] Ah, dag, man! No!
[to Freddie] What's the matter, baby?
I didn't get into that summer program I applied to.
Carly
[smiles] NERD Camp.
It's not NERD Camp. It's "New Electronics Research and Development camp!"
[laughs to Freddie] You're perfect for that!
iCarly · 611 quotes
