Carly Shay quotes from iCarly

[to Spencer] Dude, if I didn't have a little crush on you, you'd be falling for my baseball bat to your face bit!

Carly

Little crush?

Did he sign the contract or not?!

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Carly

How long did the doctor say you have to wear that cast?

6 weeks.

Well, it's your own fault. You jumped off that pipe for nothin'.

You said my cue was Gibby and I heard Gibby.

Yeah, but you didn't hear the cue!

Guys-okay, yes, the cue was Gibby. [the 4 start yelling at each other quickly]

You guys? [they continue yelling] YOU GUYS!

[very angry] WHAT, T-BO?!

You guys gotta do something about Spencer, the boy's gone too far.

Carly

What did he do now?

He gave me the fancy face cream from Europe. It says "It make your face all smooth.".

Carly

Yeah?

Well, my face is already smooth. So I gave it to my friend Lucas here. His face has dry patches.

And?

Kevin, kill the lights! [Kevin turns the lights off as Lucas's face glows in the dark]

Whoa! [the 4 are shocked]

Turn 'em back on! [Kevin turns the lights back on as Lucas's glow face goes off] Glow in the dark face cream?! What kinda sick man thinks that's funny?!

Carly

[sighs] I'm sorry!

Tell that to Lucas! Now he can't go see a movie! You all better do something about Spencer.

Lucas

Mm-hmm.

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Carly

No one wants to kill a live chicken and then barbecue it!

You don't know everything.

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Carly

(referring to the old lady who stomped her) She stomped me with her boney old foot!

You want me to rub it? (she looks at him displeased) You rub it.

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Carly

Give me the mic. (takes the mic)

Go get em', kid:

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SSecurity officer

(to the people quarreling with each other) Stop fighting! You don't need to do this! Have you no sense of decency?!?

Carly

(is playing with a Rubik's cube and completes one side, then turns to Sam) Look! I got one side done.

Nice.

Will you take your head out of your Fatshake and listen to me?! [grabs fatshake and slams it on table]

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CCort

I remember it. It was the first day of seventh grade and my dad told me 'Cort: you gotta learn how to tie your own shoes. It's important.' Now I can tie my own shoes without even thinking about it!

CSCarly and Sam

Aww.

Carly

That is such an interesting story !

You are sooo good looking.

Carly

[laughs] I was about to say that.

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AAshley

Um excuse me. Someone left their purse here. Is there a lost and found I could take it to?

Carly

No, that's my purse.

AAshley

[gasps] You must've been so worried!

Carly

No...it was just on my bed.

AAshley

[surprised] I have a bed!

CCort

I got one, too!

AAshley

Rock on!

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[Sam runs into Spencer and Carly's apartment]

Hey! Can I come in?! Freddie get off that computer! Have you guys seen this?! YOU GOTTA SEE THIS!!!

No wait, just give me about 20- [Sam pushes Freddie off the chair] GOING DOWN!!! [falls to the floor before getting up] Aw, man! It was rendering!

Carly

[to Sam] What is up?

Nevel!

Spencer

Papperman?

[sarcastically] No, Nevel van Houterschmousen.

Spencer

[idiotically] The pianist?!

There's only one Nevel.

Carly

And he's not a pianist.

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[Nevel shows up at the apartment and the gang tie him up on the sofa next to Gibby, eating pudding]

Nevel

Must you eat your pudding so loudly?

Carly

Okay, Nevel, why are you here?

Yeah, why?

You hate us.

Nevel

I don't hate anyone anymore except myself. Until I saw that video of me shouting at that little girl, I didn't realize what a terrible, awful person I really am.

This pudding rocks.

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Carly

You've seen the animal channel!

[looks confused]

Carly

The...the horses.

[raises eyebrows]

Carly

When they want two horses to...y'know... "DATE"...

[nods head]

Carly

...they put 'em in the same barn together...then they, like, turn the barn lights down...

[smiles, raises eyebrows, and nods]

Carly

Oh, you know what I'm talking about, why are you making me say it!?

[laughs] Okay, okay. So we get Sam and Brad. Take 'em to a barn...

Carly

Stop joking, this is serious!

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Carly

Okay, we're going to move on to our next segment here on iCarly!

Which involves the brain of our disturbed friend, Gibby!

Carly

Yes! We all know that Gibby's head is full of wrong-ness...

And to demonstrate that again, let's take a look at- [huge moving cactus walks towards Carly and Sam growling]. Uh oh... it's the cactus' big brother!

CSCarly and Sam

[holds onto each other and screams]

TTori

[from Los Angeles watching the web show with Steven laughing] Oh my God, how funny is this? Aren't they hilarious?

SSteven

Yeah, it's funny... [pretending not to know what it is] What's it called?

TTori

iCarly. [confused] You've never heard of it?

SSteven

Uh... no... why?

TTori

Cause' you live in Seattle half the time, and that's where these girls do it from.

Carly

[from laptop with Sam] Go on now!

[at the cactus' big brother] Go!

Carly

[at the cactus' big brother] Walk out the door!

Just turn around now!

Carly

You're not welcome anymore!

STSteven and Tori

[laughing with Steven laughing nervously]

And now,

Carly

A disturbing voyage into the depths of the ever puzzling Gibbish brain...

TTori

[laughing] That girl Carly's really pretty don't you think?

SSteven

Sure... just uh, not my type... anyway... uh, you know, we've been going out for over 3 months.

TTori

I do... we're coming up on our 100 day kiss.

SSteven

Sneak preview?

TTori

Show me the trailer. [kisses Steven]

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[Freddie, Carly and Gibby walk into the mental hospital]

NNurse

Hi, welcome to Troubled Waters, how may I help you?

Carly

'Umm, we're here to see Sam Puckett?

NNurse

Oh I'm sorry, Miss Puckett isn't accepting visitors.

[Caleb pokes his head out of the janitors closet]

Listen, we're like, really close friends with Sam.

Carly

Could we please just talk to her for a minute?

NNurse

Just for a minute?

Carly

Promise.

NNurse

No.

[Caleb walks over to Gibby]

CCaleb

Please get me some barilium nitrate and four metric tons of ionized quadrazine.

Sorry, I don't roll that way.

[Caleb walks off]

[Freddie and Carly pull Gibby over to one side]

Distract the nurse so we can go find Sam.

Carly

Think you can do that?

Umm.. Gibbay.

Go.

Carly

Good.

[Caleb walks up behind Freddie and Carly]

CCaleb

You can kick me anywhere below the waist and I won't feel it.

[slightly disturbed and confused] Why not?

CCaleb

My pants, are made of neutronium cotton. You don't believe me? Kick my thighs. [slaps his own thigh] Kick 'em hard.

Carly

Um..

We, uhh...

Carly

We don't, want to.

CCaleb

Liar!

[Caleb walks off and Freddie and Carly are left very confused]

Gibby; Gibbbaaayyyy!! [Gibby jumps over the front desk]

[Freddie and Carly take a step back in shock]

NNurse

Oh my goodness, are you alrig- Argghhhh!!

Okay, I'll go this way.

Carly

No no, you go that way.

[Carly and Freddie push each other in speed and panic]

Oh fine, just, go go go!

Carly

Go!

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Carly

Excuse me, is Sam Puckett in this-

[Sam looks up from her painting]

Carly

Sam!

Hello Carly. What do you want.

Carly

To find you! What are you doing in this mental institution?

Finger painting. [shows Carly her painting of a hand with the thumb and first finger raised] What do you think?

Carly

It's a beautiful finger.

Thanks.

Carly

Now who put you in here?!

[sighs and puts her painting out of the way] I put myself in here.

Carly

What?! Why?!

Because my head's jacked! I'm bonkers! [mutters and moves closer to Carly] Do you know?

Carly

What? That you kissed Freddie?

Urgh! [steps back and puts her hand over her ears] Shut up!

Carly

I think it's awesome! I think it's great!

Noooo, no no no no no no no no no... [carries on shouting 'no' whilst Carly is speaking]

Carly

There's nothing wrong with it.. Sam, stop it!

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Accept it Carls, I've lost my mind.

Carly

What? You think just cause you like Freddie-

Urghh, don't say it outloud! [throws herself on her bed]

Carly

It's alright to say it outloud.

[puts her pillow over her head] No it's not!

Carly

Sam loves Freddie!!

Carly!

Carly

Sam loves Freddie! Sam loves Freddie!

Quit it.. Carly!

Carly

Sam loves Freddie! Sam loves Freddie! Sam loves-! [Sam catches her and covers her mouth]

[Freddie walks in a little confused]

There you guys are.

You get out!

[Carly tries to get free]

Licking my hand won't make me let go.

Sam c'mon, just... [Freddie helps Carly free]

Carly

Ewww! Why's your hand taste like peanuts and mud?

Cause yesterday I was outside playing in the mud eating peanuts.

Carly

I'm gonna leave this room, go wash my tongue, and you too, talk.

[Carly leaves and Sam and Freddie just stand still not knowing what to say]

Carly

I don't hear talking!

Why'd you come here?

To find out why you checked yourself into a mental hospital.

You wanna know why?

Kinda!

Because I hate you.

Then why'd you kiss me?

Because I-! ...I like you.

So you hate me, and you like me?

Now you see why I need to be in here?!