Carly Shay quotes from iCarly

*pulls off Dr. Van Gurbin's Bigfoot mask*

VGDr. Van Gurbin

Hey!

Carly

Dr. Van Gurbin?

Well, this is a Scooby Doo moment.

VGDr. Van Gurbin

I'm so sorry. See, my book wasn't selling well, and my dad always told me I would be a failure.

Your dad was right.

So you dressed up like Bigfoot just to create hype?

VGDr. Van Gurbin

Yes. So people would buy my new book. [takes out his book] Bigfoot.

[Sam smacks the book out off his hands]

VGDr. Van Gurbin

I had that coming.

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[Spencer is making a sandwich.]

[Spreads mayo on the sandwich] Little mayyyyyo. [Squeezes mustard on the sandwich] Some mustarrrrrd. [Puts turkey breast on the sandwich] Some turkey breastess. [Swats away a fly, then puts a slice of tomato on the sandwich] Slice of tomato. [Swats away the fly, then takes out a piece of lettuce] A little iceberg– [Uses the piece of lettuce to swat at the fly] –off the port bow. [Puts the piece of lettuce on the sandwich, then swats at the fly] Back off, jerk! [To Carly, who is upstairs] Carly! Where's the fly swatter?

Carly

[From upstairs] I threw it away.

Why?

Carly

[From upstairs] 'Cause it's not nice to kill things.

[To Carly] Oh, yeah, I guess you're right. [To the fly] I'm gonna kill you so hard. [Accidentally sweeps the food off the table]

Carly

[From upstairs] What are you doing?

[To Carly] Nothing! Just reading the Bible! This pharaoh guy's really giving Moses a hard time.

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I was reading this Bible.

Carly

This is a Mexican cookbook.

We can still learn from it.

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[Notices the broken piece of the counter top] How'd the counter get broken?

Some lady came and–

Carly

[Takes the umbrella, realizes] You were trying to kill the fly!

Flies like to die.

[Carly grunts at Spencer. Spencer takes the umbrella from Carly and grunts back at her.]

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It's a natural pose.

Of course it is. I do this all the time, don't you, Carls?

Carly

Yeah, I find it both natural and not stupid-looking.

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I don't wanna go to Nora Dirshlitt's lame birthday party!

Carly

That girl has a sad life!

So does Freddie! We can't fix the world!

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Carly

When do we go to the bathroom?

That is up to your bladder.

Do girls have bladders?

Carly

No, we store pee in our feet.

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Carly

Yay, a clown!

Nora

Yeah, he's 87 years old and his name's Cramps!

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Carly

I'm really sorry your clown had an aneurysm.

I'm sorry he had an aneurysm while I was dancin' with him.

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Carly

What are you doing?

She's either cooling herself, or eating your frozen pizzas. Probably both.

Carly

[she walks up to the freezer, turns Sam to her and sees a slice of frozen pizza in her mouth] Oh, my God! You are eating my frozen pizza!

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Carly, come rub my neck.

Carly

I have to go work on my project.

Freddie, come rub my neck.

Yeah, that'll happen.

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Carly

MY ROOM'S ON FIRE!

WHAT?

Fire?

(The firefighters put out the fire that destroyed Carly's room)

Carly

Oh my god... my room.

Wow.

Well... It could be worse.

CDChief Donker

No, It couldn't. I'm Chief Donker. Seattle Fire Department.

(holds out his hand) Spencer Shay.

CDChief Donker

Yeah. We know who you are.

Hey, come here, kid. (Carly breaks down into tears and she and Sam hug each other after her room got destroyed) It's okay, Carls. If you want, you can stay with me and my mom. (Carly keeps crying louder and harder)

Do you guys know how the fire started?

CDChief Donker

Oh, yes. (he holds up the gummy bear lamp) This bedside table lamp started the fire.

(Spencer gets shocked)

Carly

But I don't have a table lamp.

(Everyone gets looks at Spencer in shock)

Look... Spencer wanted to make you a special present for your birthday...