[One of Robin's colleagues, Patrice, is getting mushy at Barney's displays of affection for Nora]
PPatrice
[commenting on Barney serenading Nora with his When A Man Loves A Woman rendition] He's so dreamy..
NOBODY ASKED YOU, PATRICE!!!!
S7 E4The Stinson Missile Crisis
[Having decided to apologize to Lily for interfering in her pregnancy, Ted and Marshall leave the birthing class]
CIClass Instructor
Dads, this is the time I'll answer every question you've ever had about vaginas.
[overhears instructor almost out of the door] Damn it! [Ted ushers him out]
S7 E5Field Trip
[Marshall confronts Garrison Cootes over the piddly settlement from Gruber Pharmaceuticals]
Listen, I've been thinking a lot about what you said yesterday on how we all are going to die.
CCootes
Oh, I'm not gonna die. I've bought a mine shaft in Colorado. I spent the past six months stocking it with canned goods, assault rifles, and all five seasons of Friday Night Lights.
First of all, you can skip season 2. Second of all, after our talk, I came pretty close to giving up myself, but then I went to the doctor with my wife, and I saw this. [shows Garrison ultrasound footage on laptop]
CCootes
Boy or girl?
I don't know, but I know I sure as hell can't give up now. So if you're looking for someone to hold one end of the limbo stick, you got the wrong guy. You know why?
CCootes
'Cause you're three feet taller than everyone in this office?
No, because if I'm going to work here, then first thing tomorrow, I'm going down to Gruber Pharmaceuticals and rejecting our offer - even if I have to do it myself.
[Barney tries to call Nora on her actual age]
I know you're old, and I've been struggling with it, but when I look at you, and I don't care, because I really like you...and because for 37, you're keeping it really tight!
You think I'm 37?
If you were actually 29, then you would have been a little kid the first time you saw the Ewoks, and you would have loved them.
Barney, I never saw any of the Star Wars movies until last year.
You...you're 29?! [embraces Nora] You still have one good year left -
[Surprised] What?
Nothing...[kisses Nora]
S7 E6Mystery Vs History
[Robin reflects on her 14th birthday gift, which turns out to be a long trek in the woods and she is being airdropped]
I wanna go home, daddy!
RSRobin Sr
[points out woods] That direction is nothing but wolves. Forty kilometers that way is a mining town called Smithers. I'd rather take my chances with the wolves. [hands Robin a Swiss knife] I'll see you in three days.
But what am I supposed to eat?
RSRobin Sr
You got a knife! The forest is full of animals, what do you want, a buffet? [drops off Robin]
Papa!!!!!
RSRobin Sr
Happy Birthday, son!!
[Marshall has given Barney a card where the gender of his and Lily's baby is written. Robin sees it too]
[seeing them giggle] This may have been a mistake.
[looks at Marshall] Boy...do I like babies!
Girl...friend, your hair looks fantastic!
Twins...was the feel-good movie of 1988.
S7 E7Noretta
[Kevin is not too pleased about Robin massaging Ted on what should be their date night]
FTFuture Ted
Now Kevin, as a trained psychologist, knew the appropriate way to voice his displeasure...
I think we need to calmly discuss the relationship dynamics at play here. I'm uncomfortable with how close you two are as roommates, given your particular romantic history.
FTFuture Ted
Instead, he took a different approach...
Oh Hell NO! If you want a date with my girlfriend, I don't have to wear pants in your apartment! [unbuttons pants, revealing boxers]
[Marshall and Lily freak out because the other acts like their own fathers]
AHHHH, I can't go through with this!
Thank God, me neither.
You're too much like my dad.
You're too much like my dad!
Your dad??
S7 E8The Slutty Pumpkin Returns
[Barney has just sipped a drink to drown the fact that he has Canadian blood]
This is nice. What is this?
WWaitress
Canadian whiskey.
[Spits out drink] I want Scotch...American Scotch, from Scotland! Just get that swill away from me! [hands back glass to waitress and makes cat-like hiss; to Robin] Why are you doing this to me?
You've been ripping on Canada since Justin Bieber was knee-high to a snowblower, so now this Canuck's gonna be on you like the drummer from the Yukon Blondes, high up on Timbits.
[Naomi, the Slutty Pumpkin, has mutually agreed with Ted to end their relationship]
NNaomi
Ted, I've been looking for the hot Hanging Chad for the last nine Halloweens. I've waded through a parade of Big Lebowskis, Harry Potters, Antoine Dodsons and the jackass who always dresses as laundry.
I hate that guy.
NNaomi
That's why when I finally found you... it was hard to let go. Goodbye, Ted. [offers handshake, but Ted tries to hug her.] Let's not touch, ever.
Probably a good idea. [Naomi leaves]
S7 E9Disaster Averted
[Ted tries to convince the gang to leave New York ahead of Hurricane Irene]
Guys, luckily you're friends with a former Boy Scout, who is always...
Unpopular.
Beaten up.
Going to movies with his mom.
A Boy Scout is always prepared.
Prepared to spend lunch in his locker.
Prepared to die a virgin.
Prepared to paint his sister's nails..
Prepared for emergencies. That's why a week ago, when Irene was a tropical depression...
You're a tropical depression.
[Barney has offered Marshall another slap so he can take off his ducky tie]
Don't let him tempt you, baby.
I don't know baby, we have a baby on the way, an extra slap would come in handy.
S7 E10Tick, Tick, Tick...
[Aboard Sandy Rivers' cruise, Robin and Barney couldn't find the strength to tell Kevin and Nora about sleeping together again]
As soon as we dock, I'm taking Kevin to the ER. God, I wish last night never happened.
I don't.
What do you mean?
What if this whole thing isn't the whole story of how we made a horrible mistake and ruined our relationships? What if it's the story of how we got back together?
Okay, I'm gonna ask you one last time: is this what you want?
It's what we both want. Why else are we rushing to tell them what we did - on a boat? That is a terrible idea.
Barney, we tried this, and we failed! Why try again?
Because I haven't stopped thinking about you and you haven't stopped thinking about me.
I'm such a mess. Why do you even like me?
[long pause] I guess, because you're as messed up as I am.
[Marshall and Ted have an epiphany for apparently missing the entire Groovaplooza show]
I'm sorry, Ted. I still want to have fun, but want to be a good husband and father too. Just not enough time, you know.
I know, it all goes by so damn fast you know.
We're getting old. [sees Lily] Lily! [hugs her] I'm so sorry that we ruined our night.
What are you talking about? You've been gone for less than two minutes!
S7 E11The Rebound Girl
[Marshall talks to Lily about selling the house she inherited from her grandparents]
Baby, your grandparents gave you this house outright. The way I see it, we have five options: number one, sell it. Number two, year-round haunted house. Three, giant fence around the perimeter. Chimp sanctuary, there's a swing around the backyard. Four, we destroy it with sledgehammers. I like four.
Or five, we move in, raise our children, make this our family home.
'Till they graduate, and we destroy it with sledgehammers....as a family.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's How I Met Your Mother pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.