How I Met Your Mother quotes

324 total quotes

Lily: [whispers to Marshall] I almost blurted out that Barney used to date Robin.
Quinn: Barney used to date Robin?! [Lily and Marshall are surprised]

[Quinn pores over Barney's prenup and notices a certain provision]
Quinn: I have to pay 2,000 dollars every time I gain a pound?!
Barney: Not every time. Just if it shows up at the weekly weigh-in.

[Ted tries to coach Victoria into writing her runaway-bride note]
Victoria: [starts to write letter] Klaus...
Ted: Just Klaus? Give it some heart, the poor guy!
Victoria: "Dear sweet Klaus..."
Ted: Sweet? So what, are you still in love with this jerk?
Victoria: I'm doing this on my own.
Ted: I'm sorry, I feel bad for the guy. I'm stealing the greatest girl in the world away from him.
Victoria: You're not stealing me. I'm choosing you...[kisses him] because you are loving, you are caring, and [gives note to Ted] you are going to give him this note.
Ted: You're expecting me to go there?
Victoria: It took me everything I had to climb out of that church window...and if I had to go back there, I'm not sure if I can do it again.
Ted: [gets note and leaves car but enters and rubs note in Victoria's face] It has to smell like you.