James Wilson quotes from House

Dr. House

What is the point in being able to control people if you won't actually do it? It's like training a dog, then letting him go on your rug, which, by the way--

Dr. Wilson

Once Foreman got his mitts on them, there was no way--

Dr. House

You didn't explain chances of probabilities, you lied to them! And told them Foreman's a moron, which isn't even much of a lie right now.

Dr. Wilson

You gotta talk to him.

Dr. House

I got no problem with what Foreman did...

Dr. Wilson

He undercut us, and may have cost that kid his life--!

Dr. House

Foreman did what he thought was right, you, on the other hand, sucked out! When the decision really mattered you didn't have the guts to tell him what to do! If that kid dies, it's because Foreman was wrong and because you're a coward! [He leaves Wilson standing in the corridor, shocked.]

Dr. Wilson

How did you walk with the cane and two coffees?

Dr. House

Why are you suspicious?

Dr. Wilson

Because it's either that, or accept the fact that you've done something nice, and then I have to deal with the horsemen, and the rain of fire, and the end of days.

Dr. House

You think I spat in yours?

Dr. Wilson

Or worse?

Dr. House

I stacked them.

Dr. Wilson

[Flying on speed] Give me a Vicodin so I don't stroke.

Dr. House

I...wouldn't drink that.

Dr. House

Leg hurt and...[Points in general direction of bathroom, then at coffee, then shrugs. Wilson sighs exasperatedly.]

Dr. House

[to Dr. Wilson] Did you ever see Raid on Entebbe?

Dr. Wilson

Yeah, in the end they release the hostages. How's that working for you?

Dr. House

The Ugandans played fair. They didn't move the hostages on the Israelis.

Dr. Wilson

Once again, I am in awe of the kidnapper's tactical brilliance.

Dr. House

[switches on Wilson's TiVo] What is "El Fuego Del Amor" and why do you need ten of them?

Dr. Wilson

It's a... it's a Telenovela. I'm learning Spanish.

Dr. House

Well, say adios.

Dr. Wilson

Are you erasing my Tivo? House! Not the season finale!

Dr. House

I don't negotiate with terrorists. I smoke them out of their hidey-holes.

Dr. Wilson

Do you know what terrorists do when you don't negotiate? They terrorize.

Dr. House

Bring it on!

Dr. Wilson

You stole my patient.

Dr. House

You kidnapped my guitar.

Dr. Wilson

Give him back.

Dr. House

Only when you give her back.

Dr. Wilson

It's a she?

Dr. House

Well, it's certainly not a dude.

Dr. Wilson

It's a guitar! You took a human being!

Now who doesn't have a sense of humor?

Dr. Cuddy

Hi. I'm the Dean of Medicine.

Dr. House

Hi. I'm the guy who saved your life.

Dr. Wilson

[observing outside with Dr. Foreman] So what if it's House?

Dr. Foreman

Then I take the job at Mount Zion.

Dr. Wilson

There is no job at Mount Zion.

Dr. Foreman

House said...

Dr. Wilson

Well, if House said it, it must be true.

Dr. Cuddy

I can fire him. I can fire him now. I can fire him tomorrow. I don't even need a re-

Dr. House

She doesn't fire me. She never WILL fire me. She needs me -

Dr. Cuddy

He's a good doctor, that's all. I respect his expertise and I -

Dr. House

She's hot for me.

Shut up.

Dr. Cuddy

Well, that could have been either of us.

You have great ya-boos.

Dr. Cuddy

[Trying] Still could have been either of us.

Dr. House

[Smiles] You lose. [Starts victory dance]

Dr. Cuddy

Seriously, I have always thought my breasts were one of my best features.

Dr. Foreman

[seeing House doing his victory dance from outside the room] Damn.

Dr. House

[about Dr. Terzi] I think she might be an idiot.

Dr. Wilson

Who?

Dr. House

She can't be an idiot! She's in the CIA, for god's sake!

Dr. Wilson

The Bay of Pigs was a daring triumph?

House

She's making me an idiot.

Wilson

That's cute. You have a crush.

House

No, I think it's something systematic.

Wilson

Thirteen's pretty. You're obviously okay with her.

House

She killed a patient.

Wilson

The bitch is pretty.

House

The bitch is a bitch.

Wilson

Ask her out.

House

The bitch? She's a bitch.

Wilson

No, the one that's making you an idiot. It's the story of life. Boy meets girl. Boy gets stupid. Boy and girl live stupidly ever after.

Dr. Wilson

Can I see that again?

Dr. House

And what did you miss? She screwed up, I....

Dr. Wilson

No, just the part when she leans forward, I think you can see through her dress.

Dr. Wilson

Dying's easy. Living's hard!

Dr. House

That can't possibly be as poignant as it sounded.

Dr. House

There's a reason that everybody lies: it works. It's what allows society to function. It's what separates man from beast.

Dr. Wilson

Oh, I thought that was our thumbs.

Dr. House

You wanna know every place your mom's thumb has been?

Dr. Wilson

I'm sorry, I missed rehearsal, am I taking the "truth is good" side? Don't you usually take that part?

Dr. House

Lies are a tool - they can be used either for good or - no, wait, I've got a better one: Lies are like children: hard work, but they're worth it because the future depends on them.

Dr. Wilson

You're so full of love... or something.

Dr. House

[walking with Dr. Wilson] Where're we going?

Dr. Wilson

Nowhere, I just know it hurts you.

Dr. House

I saw something amazing: pure truth. She told her mother that she was dying. Stripped her of all hope.

Dr. Wilson

[haltingly] That sounds... horrible.

Dr. House

It was like watching some... bizarre astronomical event that you know you're never gonna see again.

Dr. Wilson

You tell people the cold, hard truth all the time. You get off on it.

Dr. House

Because I don't care. She cared. [thoughtful] She did it anyway. She did it because she cared.

Dr. Wilson

[sarcastically] The angels of Christmas have finally given House a present he can appreciate.

Dr. House

Oh, don't ruin it. Don't pin this on Christ, he's got enough nails in him.

You know, I e-mailed a couple colleagues at the hospital about you.

Dr. Wilson

You're checking up on me, not House?

Yeah, well House is straightforward, brilliant, and an ass.

Dr. Wilson

Two out of three good qualities, clear majority.

Whereas you, on the other hand, have a perfect score. You are responsible, nice, human, and yet you're House's best friend.

Dr. Wilson

Hold there. [Cate stops adjusting.] Makes you think he's secretly nicer than he seems?

Makes me think that you're secretly a lot less nice than you seem.

Dr. Wilson

Do you always insult your doctors?

It's not an insult. Indiscriminate niceness is overrated.

Dr. Wilson

[Smiles.] No wonder he likes you.

Dr. Wilson

But you don't care about her.

Of course not. House doesn't care about anyone.

Wilson

[Gets up and kisses her.] Hi.

Sorry I'm late.

Dr. House

Cutthroat Bitch?!

Dr. Wilson

I call her Amber.

Dr. Wilson

Was she on your list?