You test drive a car before you buy it; you have sex before you get married. I can't hire a team based on a ten minute interview. What if I don't like having sex with them?
“Alone” · Season 4, Episode 1
In this episode: Gregory House (5), James Wilson (2)
Imagine that the roof of the storage closet collapses on your favorite floor buffer, which then starts overheating.
JJanitor
Why would I have a favorite floor buffer? [House looks at him] Okay... maybe the electrical works got banged up in there from stuff falling on it.
Hmm, interesting. Brain damage leading to hypothalamic disregulation. Nah, if you're brought in covered with rubble it's all about the MRI's, we would've seen that. C'mon! Gotta earn that fiver.
JJanitor
Or stuff [points to his bottle of cleaning fluid] leaked in the holes, messin' it up.
Lacerations lead to multiple portals for infection. Bacterial would've responded to the antibiotics, [indicates "fever" written on the white board] it's too high for viral. Parasites or fungus is possible.
JJanitor
Or maybe lupus. [House stops writing and stares at the guy] My grandma has lupus.
Okay, autoimmune. I'll run a lupus panel. Infection fits best. [picks up his cane from the board] A complete history would be helpful, which leads to the worst part of the job: dealing with the floor buffer's family.
[to Dr. Wilson] Did you ever see Raid on Entebbe?
Yeah, in the end they release the hostages. How's that working for you?
The Ugandans played fair. They didn't move the hostages on the Israelis.
Once again, I am in awe of the kidnapper's tactical brilliance.
[switches on Wilson's TiVo] What is "El Fuego Del Amor" and why do you need ten of them?
It's a... it's a Telenovela. I'm learning Spanish.
Well, say adios.
Are you erasing my Tivo? House! Not the season finale!
I don't negotiate with terrorists. I smoke them out of their hidey-holes.
Do you know what terrorists do when you don't negotiate? They terrorize.
Bring it on!
You stole my patient.
You kidnapped my guitar.
Give him back.
Only when you give her back.
It's a she?
Well, it's certainly not a dude.
It's a guitar! You took a human being!
HDr.House
Now who doesn't have a sense of humor?
[Speaks while strumming his guitar] Sometimes, I am wrong. I have a gift for observation, for reading people and situations, but sometimes, I am wrong. This will be the longest job interview of your life. I will test you in ways that you will often consider unfair, demeaning and illegal, and you'll often be right. Look to your left, and now look to your right. By the end of six weeks, one of you will be gone, as well as twenty-eight more of you. Wear a cup. [Plays a chord]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's House pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.