Gordon quotes from Hell's Kitchen

All of you. ALL OF YOU, GET HERE!! Who dressed that?!

I did. [Gordon raises an overdressed piece of lettuce] Too much.

"Too much?!" Did you honestly think they came here for that?!

No.

We got worse now. We can't even dress a fucking salad! [throws the salad away] SALAD, TREV! LET'S GO!!

(interview) Who doesn't know how to make a salad? [points to himself] This guy!

Thanks to Trev, no appetizers have left the blue kitchen.

We've had a long wait. Very bright.

Apologies.

The Red team, however, have served half of their customers' appetizers, but some of them have not received their welcoming pizza.

(with a pizza) Melissa.

Yes, chef?

Touch that. Touch that. What is that?

It's raw, chef.

It's what?

It's raw, chef.

Touch that! It's raw, Melissa!

Yes, chef.

It's raw! Come on!

Yes, chef.

[mocking Gordon] "It's rawww!!" [smiles] "It's fucking rawww!!"

(interview) Boris, what were you thinking, buddy? You don't mock Gordon Ramsay.

Boris.

Yes, sir?

Come here.

Yes, sir.

So I'm telling her about a raw pizza and you're mimicking me out in the back.

Sorry, chef.

Yeah, so I'm telling her the pizza's raw, come here, you fuck-face!

(interview) Oh, no!

And there you go, you touch it then. Now look at me! Take the piss out of me now, fuck-face. What's your fucking crack?

I don't have any crack, chef.

Yeah. What's your game?

I'm just here to cook, sir.

Now look at me! You fucking take the piss out of me one more time in the middle of fucking service, yeah, kiss your fuckin' ass goodbye. Is that clear?

Understood, chef.

WAKE UP!!!

It will not happen again. (interview) Shouldn't have done that, and I meant no disrespect. What can I say? I'm losing my mind.

(to Boris) Just concentrate. Look at me, look at me. Just fucking concentrate.

Will do, chef. Yes, sir.

While Lisa's work on the fish station has left her teammates seriously underwhelmed, over in the blue kitchen...

Trev!

Chef.

Trev's salad is once again seriously overdressed.

Oh, my God!

Probably too much, chef.

That's just on one fucking leaf, come on!

Yes, chef.

Dress me a fucking SALAD!!! [violently throws the salad on the floor] Hey... fuck - you - all.

(interview) I almost wrapped my hands around his narrow neck. Salad! Salad! [shot of Trev remaking the salad] Get the salad out! Nothing's easier.

(brings up his salad) Here's that salad you're waiting on.

Thank you.

You're very welcome.

(to waiters) Service, please? BLUE TEAM!

Yes, chef?

One hour and 30 minutes into service, that's the first table of appetizers gone!

Yes, chef!

Ohhh, fucking hell.

Here's the two beef and a lamb.

What is she doing?

Two beef and lamb, where's the halibut?

Well, I just wanted to bring this to you, chef.

You just what?

I wanted to bring this to you, chef.

What?!

(interview; in a high pitch voice) Wha-- a-- Is this bitch crazy?!

And where's the halibut, then? And where's the garnish? (to Gail) Are you ready?

No, chef. (interview) I told her not to bring the beef up because everything has to come up at the pass together so that we can send out the whole entire table together at the same time.

Why are you throwing them under the bus?

I'm not, chef.

So what the fuck is this doing here?!

I'm sorry, chef. I cooked it for you, chef. I don't know--

What can I do with it?

Nothing, chef.

Oh, fuck off. Hey, Baby Spice. As long as you're okay, right?

No, chef.

"Here's my food, fuck everybody else! She doesn't fucking care.

While Sabrina needs to get back in sync with her team, in the Blue kitchen, Chef Ramsay needs...

Raj! Help them, or fuck off!

[enters the Blue kitchen] (interview) It was fairly abusive on his part, but I'm a little bit worried about Chef Ramsay's, you know, karma.

Russell.

Yes, sir.

Get off of there...

Yes, sir.

...and let these two work as a team.

(interview) Boris and Raj are working together. It's like watching two idiots do a Rubik's Cube. There's no chance on Earth they're going to get it right.

Mozzarella cheese, I got the cheese. (To Raj) All I'm asking you is to please help me the roll the fucking dough.

Where the fuck is it?

It's here. First, shape it. Here. Put it here, put it down, shape it.

The dough's there, you can't roll it.

ROLL. The FUCKING. PIZZA DOUGH.

Here's more mozzarella. [starts slicing the mozzarella]

(To Raj) Th-- ROLL THE FUCKIN' PIZZA DOUGH! WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?! Are you fuckin'-...? URRRGGGGHHHH!!! (interview) My partner was sent here to sabotage. That guy is fucking nuts.

Why aren't you two working as a team?

We're doing the best we can, chef.

We're screwed on a fucking pizza.

Jesus. Lisa!

Yes, chef?

Come here! [returns the halibut to the workstation] It's sushi!

I'm sorry, chef.

Hey, madam. What's happening here?!

(interview) It was a mess. I fucked up big time, and really I'm disappointed at myself.

Chef, I've got tables walking out. They've been here two hours, chef.

Fucking hell. Hey, ladies, come here. Hey, all of you, come here. LADIES, Move your fuckin' ass. BORIS!

Yes, chef?

Look out there. Are you kidding me? Tables are leaving. No one's even working together. No one's even caring. You're (Sabrina) bringing me the main courses, bypassing your team. You (Boris) laughed at me earlier, pissing around with your fucking pizzas. And you (Raj), you've just switched off. Where do we go? No one's even caring. FUCK OFF, is that clear?

Yes, chef.

Everything off. Clear down.

That honestly has to be the worst ever opening in Hell's Kitchen. Tonight, we set slow. Congratulation. So far, you're a joke. There's no winning team. Both teams,I want you to go upstairs and nominate two from the men,and two from the ladies. But the good news is, you're spoilt for choice. Now FUCK OFF.

Raj, why should you stay in Hell's Kitchen?

Now that I'm more familiar with everything, I'll be able to jump in there and really cook the food correctly.

Aren't you the most experienced chef in here?

Yes.

You've been cooking longer than me!

Yes.

[squirms] Shit!

Sabrina, you are quite frankly the most selfish cook in here.

Believe it or not, you don't know me, and you don't know what I'm capable of, Chef. I made a mistake, I fucked up. Give me an opportunity to prove to you that I can do better, chef, and honestly if it's between us two (her and Lisa)... I mean... I'm...

Yeah, thank you.

She's spent, Chef... you know...I'm young. The world is my oyster. [simultaneously] Just give me...You're spent.

What was that? I'm spent? Spent?

[clarifying] Finished.

Yeah, you're finished.

Are you kidding me?

No, I'm serious.

I will cook circles around you, honey. I may be 48, but believe me, you don't have a chance.

Sabrina, who do you think should go home?

I think that Nona should go home, chef. Her idea of fine dining is fried chicken, chef? She can't cook asparagus. She...snores and it keeps us all awake, and I honestly believe she's good for nothing, chef.

(whispering) That was low.

She's crap, and she can't cook asparagus, but she's not standing in your shoes there. Quite frankly, all four of you (Lisa, Sabrina, Raj and Trev) should go.

Good morning.

Good morning, chef.

Last night's service was memorable, [Red team members turn to Raj, who was breathing loud] for all the wrong reasons. [Gordon hears the breathing as well] Who's breathing? What is that? [Russell points to Raj] Are you okay?

(interview) Raj was breathing a little bit creepy like, [imitates Raj's breathing; same as Jillian]

(interview; also imitates Raj's breathing) And it sounded like a big jerk!

Slow down!

Yes, chef.

Who did the nigiri tuna?

Me, chef! Raj, chef.

Well, now I know it's Raj. (examines sushi piece Russell made) Nice. First tuna, in. [peels back the piece Raj made to show...] No wasabi. Out.

(interview) It's perfect, but...

Yes.

[drum roll; notices no wasabi on Raj's sushi] No!

(interview) ...you left out the wasabi! JACKASS!

On order, four covers away, Table 23, yes? Two risotto, two scallops, entrée one chicken, three rib-eye.

Yes, chef!

[sees Raj turning back without answering] You, come here. You're standing here next to me, I called it out and you just turned your fat arse around. You didn't even acknowledge me.

I'm-I'm here. Yes, chef. What do you need? I'm here.

What do I need? What did I just call out? (Raj doesn't answer) What did I just call out, Raj? I'm talking to you!

(interview) The fact that Raj is 49 and still alive and not in jail or an asylum is a goddamn miracle.

What did I just call out?

I didn't- I didn't catch it.

Oh fuck me. Useless.

Just over half an hour in the dinner service, Raj hasn't even begun cooking but has already disappointed Chef Ramsay.

Curtis! (returns a sushi to the workstation)

Working on it again chef.

Yeah, fuck off. Gentlemen, gentlemen, GENTLEMEN! Look at this! (points to some sushi) Fat fuck, fat fuck, fat fuck. Look at that there. Look at that. Look. Look at-- (to Curtis) come here you! It's not good enough for me. It's not good enough for me!

Yes, chef. Working now chef.

(interview) Sushi's coming back. Seriously, you're not cooking anything.

Do you think that I'm going to fucking send-- you can't even clean the fucking-- fuck off, Curtis! Fuck right off!

It's 90 minutes into dinner service, and food has been ridiculously slow leaving the blue kitchen...

(walking up the stairs to take a table's order) Hello guys.

...but Vinny has a plan to speed things up.

(to the diners) I'm gonna be perfectly honest with you: you guys order sides, you're gonna be here till next Tuesday. (interview) I have zero confidence that Raj is getting out garnishes and sides.

No sides.

Yeah. (Vinny smiles and gives a thumbs-up)

(interview) So I came up with a bit of a clever idea.

(to the same diners that Vinny just waited on) How's the service this evening?

We can't order sides...

Why are you not allowed to order sides?

Because I guess we can get our food quicker if we don't order sides?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Um, let me go speak to the chef about this.

(to Scott) Yeah, just check that. There's no sides on there, I don't know why.

(to Vinny) Come over here! (to Gordon) Chef, one of his tables, he's telling them they could not have side orders because it takes too long to get it out of the kitchen.

What I said was, I'd be happy to bring them to you...

Shut up! Come in here!

That is not what I told them.

Why?

That is NOT what I told them.

What did you tell them?

Exactly what I told them was this: I said "I'm telling you the truth. The sides are delicious, but it's going to take a lot longer if you want sides, so..."

STOP EVERYBODY! Now Captain Vinny here is telling the customers not to order sides! (to Raj) Come here. Did you tell him not to order sides?

Of course not! Why would I say that?

Don't fucking shout at me, fuck-face! You told him that? "Don't push the sides, so I look good."

No, I'm ready with the sides! Look, I got all the sides ready, I'm waiting for them.

So why's he not taking the orders?

I have no idea, but look at these sides, it's all ready! He's- he's- I'm- he's- okay...

Do you want to know the truth?

Yeah, I do want to know the truth!

The truth is, I have no faith that he's going to be able to get the sides out.

You'd better understand one fucking thing! You do NOT decide what goes out this kitchen!

(mumbles) I don't know.

GET OUT.

Yes, chef.

GET OUT, YOU!

(to Melissa) Come here you. [reads a ticket] One salmon, one halibut, one chicken, one beef. Where's the wellington?

Wellington's coming up--

Where's the wellington?

It's not on the window chef.

It's for the next table.

Yes, chef. (interview) I just put up the wrong thing. I can't explain it. It's fucking embarrassing.

You are about to sink your team. Now.

Focus chef.

No, don't focus. Swap places with Jillian. Now fuck off!

Yes, chef. (to the Red team) Guys, I have to go out to the dining room. If you need--.

Get out! Get out! Fuck the explanation! GET OUT!