Gordon quotes from Hell's Kitchen

Julia, what you got in here is enough for two orders.

Okay.

I'm going to toss all this (spaghetti) out. [dumps it in the garbage]

Away next, scallop, risotto, spaghetti yes?

Ladies, spaghetti!

You need more spaghetti Julia? Oh, I fucking just tossed it! Let me just get it. I'll get it. I'll get it. (interview) We had an order for spaghetti and I threw out what we had and I just decided to retrieve the spaghetti from the top of the garbage and washed it. 212 (degrees) kills the bacteria and I decided to serve it.

Where did you get it from?

The garbage on top.

Oh no, no, no. No way. (interview) Who in the world picks food out of the trash? You can't just do anything in the heat of the moment.

(not having seen what Jen did) How long Julia?

Six minutes chef.

Oh dear.

Julia's quality control kept garbage from being served and Jen should consider herself lucky Chef Ramsay didn't witnessed her mistake. Meanwhile in the blue kitchen, the pressure is on Josh and Brad to get out some entrées.

Let's do two wellingtons, one turbot. Lets go.

Josh, did you hear that? I'm going on two wellingtons. Can you, I need you guys to go.

That's not a problem. How long on the wellingtons?

I can go right now.

No, I can't.

You can't? I need to pull this out then.

Hey, JOSH!

Yes, chef.

Fucking little bastard. Hey, are you just trying to sabotage them?

No way, chef.

So that it makes you look good?

No way, chef.

Who's the first person you should be telling?

I should talk to him (Brad), chef. I should talk to meat station. It was my fault, chef. (defensively) No sabotage. (interview) I wasn't trying to sabotage. Are you crazy?

You deserve a kick in the nuts.

Yes, chef.

Hey, start the fucking table again.

Brad, two minutes.

Yes, no go in two minutes 45 seconds.

Hold on, there's someone being dishonest. Lift the bottom of the wellington over. [Brad does so] Oh come on. You give me them anaemic bits of shit, I'll fucking throw them up your arse sideways. [kicks a bin] Where's your fucking brains? I just cannot believe this! Can we have the two main courses TOGETHER? [kicks the bins] SHIT!

Where's the wellington? How long?

[comes up to Gordon] My wellingtons are going to be overdone.

Oh, for fuck's sake! Oh, come on!!

I'm not waiting another minute for my main course.

Seventeen (wellingtons) on order and you've got three to send. We're fourteen short!

(to a female diner) You don't want to stay a bit longer?

Uhm, no.

Chef, they are all walking out. To the left and 12, 14, from both sides, chef.

(to the red team) Stop. (calls the blue team) Come here. Hey, hello, chef (Josh), sabotage. Your tables are now getting up and leaving. Fuck off, will you, yeah? [gets the tickets from the pass, crumples them and throws them away] Get out. GET OUT!

Melissa. You're running the appetisers, yes?

Yes.

You're running ahead, and no-one's with you. You're not a team player. Right now, I need some team fucking spirit!

Yes, chef!

Or I'll kick you out, and I'll do the fucking section myself!

Yes, chef!

I know what your game is. You just want to get all the appetisers out.

No chef, I swear to God that's not true.

Look good, [pretends to put makeup on] Oh, fuck me. [pretends to adjust his boobs] Oh, fuck me! Fuck off. Piss off. Fucking bimbo.

We're waiting on you Bonnie! Is that just sliced in half there and put back in the pan?

[points at chicken on the cutting board] This chef?

Oh no, Bonnie, not that. You're fucking here, you stupid cat. D'you know what? Every time I've asked you a sensible question, you give me a dumb blonde answer.

Sorry chef.

Right, let's go back to the beginning shall we?

Yes, chef.

Have you just sliced the chicken in half and stuck it back in the oven?

Yes, chef.

Is it dry?

It doesn't feel dry but I'll start over.

It's fucking lost its texture. Right now, you're all screwing your fucking selves. Is the chicken in for the langoustine?

[points to the same chicken] Yes, chef. Right here.

Fuck me. No that's the main course one.

It's right here.

Listen, Hey, listen, it's not in.

It's not in but I'm putting it in now.

Right so - here we go again - When are you going to fucking shut up? I'VE HAD ENOUGH NOW! Stop lying to me! You're saying yes all the fucking time, yet nothing's DONE! WORK TOGETHER!

Yes, chef!

Jean-Philippe, what table is the lady from, please? So we can find out where food is, please?

23 chef.

23, blue, yes?

Yes, chef.

Take the giraffe back to her table please. Service please, let's go.

Excuse me?! I'm asking for service and he's being rude.

Let's go. (to the tall lady) Fuck off, will you? Move your fucking ass, will you?

What did he do to them?

He was flashing them in the oven after they were cooked.

(comes back to the workstation) Okay guys. Just stop, stop, stop, stop, STOP!!!! Blue donkeys, come here! Touch that, touch that. IT'S RARE!! You (Vinnie), look at me. You don't care anymore, you know that?

(checking Vinnie's wellingtons) Vinnie!

Yes, chef?

Vinnie, come on chef. Look, raw pastry's trimmed off the bottom. That's the shit you don't send to the customers. It's still left on. Tell him to trim them please?

Trim them real quick.

Chef Vinnie!

Yes, chef!

Look at me. Can you trim it properly?

Yes, chef.

And bring it to the hotplate and cut the pastry with a straighted knife. Donkey! Is it every other one is right? Or is it one in three is right?

No, chef. This one's perfect.

This one's perfect. What have you overcooked? How much have you binned?

I fucked a lot up but I'm on it now.

[seeing Vinnie's wasted meat] Oh, no!

(interview) I kept my own private garbage bin on my station and I had six wellington orders and one chicken in my bin.

Hey, a restaurant wouldn't even open with that. You'd close it before you got anywhere. [slams the tray on Vinnie's station]

(interview) It was a mistake. It's an expensive mistake.

Oh! Fuck me senseless!

Table 20, spaghetti undercooked chef.

Blue, yes?

Oui chef.

Where's fucking pretty-boy sushi man (Josh), where is he?

Right here, chef.

Complaint: raw spaghetti. No don't fucki-- [grunts] The fuck you call that? What do you think you are? WWF... Wrestling? Dick. Taste it!

I'm just getting so fucking wound up. It's not going anywhere. We're not getting anything out. Everything's fucking done, clearly given up, and it's fucking embarrassing.

No, chef!

[returning with a dish] Chef?

Aw, fuck off! Oh, fuck off! [kicks a bin] Fuck off! What did they say?

Chicken being cold, chef.

Ah?

Chicken being cold.

Right, hey, gentlemen. Hey, ladies, yeah, all look good well over. Hey, Barbie! (Bonnie) Do your hair before you come over! Stone-cold chicken, fucking salty fucking garnish, yeah? And fucking - there you go chef, there you go. [drops the dish on the floor] Fucking clear down.

(interview) Chef was furious. He dropped the plate, he said "Fuck off! Shut down!" And we were SO goddamn close again! Damn it.

This menu is a crucial, critical menu. Did you use the time wisely?

No, chef.

What? No?

Too many people were arguing on our team chef.

Oh, come on, ladies. Why are we arguing Julia on such an important occasion?

Because there was one person who wanted to run around and do every single thing.

Who was in charge?

I'm in charge, but unfortunately I can't do everything at once. I need help.

Stop. I didn't put you in charge, madam. You're standing there acting like some jumped up little cavewoman. Today's challenge quite frankly was a team effort. Let's hope what you have produced in the last hour is delicious.

Now it all comes down to the meat entrée.

(interview) Tied 1-1. All the pressure is riding on...me.

Third and final dish. Please present the meat entrées.

(to Jen) We shouldn't send it.

Please present the meat entrées together.

Ready, Jen?

Jen, don't send it. Don't.

Melissa, I don't know what you're trying to do, or whether you're trying to upset our guests. But right now, I'm starting to get pissed. Now will you send your food?

Let's go. [Rock and Jen bring the meat entrées to the table.]

Right. Domes off. [Rock and Jen reveal their dishes, Jen's dish is a small dried up duck breast on a bare plate.] Alright... okay... ahem...

(interview) There are no words to say how humiliating it was serving a piece of shit duck to a husband and wife to be. I really wanted to disintegrate.

Oh dear. Jen.

Yes, chef?

Describe the dish.

That's a duck breast... um...

First of all, I'm deeply embarrassed.

I am as well. (interview) I was so embarrassed you know. They probably think I cooked it. I had nothing to do with that!

Rock, please explain.

We have a dry aged rib eye that's been pan seared and served with wild mushroom cream sauce.

Thank you. [gives Carlotta the rib eye and Cyrus the duck breast]

[trying to cut through the duck] Oh wow, this is really tough.

I'm so sorry. Nobody's going to be eating that, are they? [takes the duck away and covers it with a napkin, then looks at the Red Team in disgust]

[tasting the rib eye] This is delicious. That's great.

Definitely.

Rock's rib eye easily beats the women's lame duck and the men win their first challenge in Hell's Kitchen.

(interview) Two things are happening right now. Number one, we finally got a win and we feel great about it. Number two, it's open hunting season on chicks and we're about to start picking them off one by one.

My, er, apologies, and we'll do all that we can to make sure it's a very special day. Thank you for joining us for the tasting.

Thank you. [she and Cyrus leave]

(to the Red Team) You four Hell's Bitches, I am embarrassed. I don't think I've ever, EVER been so embarrassed inside this restaurant in my entire life. That was a joke! You should be ashamed. All four of you are going to work your asses off. Get - out - my - sight.

(to Josh) You still look fabulous by the way, yeah? You should be covering GQ: you, front cover, "Captain Dick".

(interview) Chef wants to put me on the cover of GQ. That's fine and good. But what I'm waiting for is for him to put me in charge of Green Valley Ranch.

Gordon?

[calls the waiters] Service, please! (to Francisco) Can you get out of the fucking way? I'm trying to serve food. You get out of the way. Stand out of the fucking way!

Okay, I think that went well.

Where is the sauce for the seabass?

It's right here, Chef. (brings his sauce to the pass)

Josh is moving fast to get entrees to the pass.

Hey you, come here.

...maybe, a little too fast.

Heat the sauce up! IT'S STONE-COOOOOOOLD! Look at him, running around with a pan! Oh, my-GET IT ON THE STOVE!