“Episode Five” quotes from Hell's Kitchen

Bonnie, do I sear it until it gets really, really crispy?

No, you have to do it very slowly. It's not a sear.

[pushing in next to Julia] What's the problem? Julia, ask me if you have any questions.

Alright...

What is your problem, Melissa?

You're supposed to listen to me, not Bonnie.

(interview) Excuse me?

Check in on your duck, Julia. You took it out of the oven.

Yeah, so it won't burn.

I think you should stick it back in, just for a little while.

But it's already medium.

Guys, all the food has to be plated hot. I'm assuming that you have just a little bit of knowledge of how to cook...

Don't assume!

...otherwise, you shouldn't be here.

I thought that you knew how to cook, too!

(to herself) I am above all this.

Argue, argue. Hell's Bitches, Hell's Bitches. Yes!

This menu is a crucial, critical menu. Did you use the time wisely?

No, chef.

What? No?

Too many people were arguing on our team chef.

Oh, come on, ladies. Why are we arguing Julia on such an important occasion?

Because there was one person who wanted to run around and do every single thing.

Who was in charge?

I'm in charge, but unfortunately I can't do everything at once. I need help.

Stop. I didn't put you in charge, madam. You're standing there acting like some jumped up little cavewoman. Today's challenge quite frankly was a team effort. Let's hope what you have produced in the last hour is delicious.

Now it all comes down to the meat entrée.

(interview) Tied 1-1. All the pressure is riding on...me.

Third and final dish. Please present the meat entrées.

(to Jen) We shouldn't send it.

Please present the meat entrées together.

Ready, Jen?

Jen, don't send it. Don't.

Melissa, I don't know what you're trying to do, or whether you're trying to upset our guests. But right now, I'm starting to get pissed. Now will you send your food?

Let's go. [Rock and Jen bring the meat entrées to the table.]

Right. Domes off. [Rock and Jen reveal their dishes, Jen's dish is a small dried up duck breast on a bare plate.] Alright... okay... ahem...

(interview) There are no words to say how humiliating it was serving a piece of shit duck to a husband and wife to be. I really wanted to disintegrate.

Oh dear. Jen.

Yes, chef?

Describe the dish.

That's a duck breast... um...

First of all, I'm deeply embarrassed.

I am as well. (interview) I was so embarrassed you know. They probably think I cooked it. I had nothing to do with that!

Rock, please explain.

We have a dry aged rib eye that's been pan seared and served with wild mushroom cream sauce.

Thank you. [gives Carlotta the rib eye and Cyrus the duck breast]

[trying to cut through the duck] Oh wow, this is really tough.

I'm so sorry. Nobody's going to be eating that, are they? [takes the duck away and covers it with a napkin, then looks at the Red Team in disgust]

[tasting the rib eye] This is delicious. That's great.

Definitely.

Rock's rib eye easily beats the women's lame duck and the men win their first challenge in Hell's Kitchen.

(interview) Two things are happening right now. Number one, we finally got a win and we feel great about it. Number two, it's open hunting season on chicks and we're about to start picking them off one by one.

My, er, apologies, and we'll do all that we can to make sure it's a very special day. Thank you for joining us for the tasting.

Thank you. [she and Cyrus leave]

(to the Red Team) You four Hell's Bitches, I am embarrassed. I don't think I've ever, EVER been so embarrassed inside this restaurant in my entire life. That was a joke! You should be ashamed. All four of you are going to work your asses off. Get - out - my - sight.

They are getting fucking married! I can't stop the church!

(to Josh) You still look fabulous by the way, yeah? You should be covering GQ: you, front cover, "Captain Dick".

(interview) Chef wants to put me on the cover of GQ. That's fine and good. But what I'm waiting for is for him to put me in charge of Green Valley Ranch.

Gordon?

[calls the waiters] Service, please! (to Francisco) Can you get out of the fucking way? I'm trying to serve food. You get out of the way. Stand out of the fucking way!

Okay, I think that went well.

Where is the sauce for the seabass?

It's right here, Chef. (brings his sauce to the pass)

Josh is moving fast to get entrees to the pass.

Hey you, come here.

...maybe, a little too fast.

Heat the sauce up! IT'S STONE-COOOOOOOLD! Look at him, running around with a pan! Oh, my-GET IT ON THE STOVE!