Gordon quotes from Hell's Kitchen

Why isn't the fish in the pan? [no answer from Jimmy] Why isn't the fish--?

[shouts] I'm trying to fucking do both do both at the same time! What do you want me to do?!

Come here you. Come here you.

No!

What do you mean no?

I'm trying to do them in the same time.

Just calm down. Just calm fucking down.

I'm trying to do them both at the same time.

Are you about to crack?

No.

Don't fucking shout at me. What are you going to do?

I'm going to stay and finish.

Calm down - while I'm standing here pissed off - what about those fucking customers there then?

I'm trying for them.

Right. Talk to me properly or fuck off! Is that clear?

Yes, chef.

Right. Is the fish in the pan?

No, chef.

Get it in the pan.

Yes.

[sees Jessica's pan catching fire] Oh, fuck's sake! Jessica, what are you doing? Shut it down, yes? [the remaining chefs groan] Yeah, and I'm going to tell you why I'm going to shut it down, okay? Because two individuals let me down here tonight, you (Jimmy) are one of them and you're (Jessica) the other one. And you think that is bad, I'll tell you what, if you'll ever going to to make it. You'll have to take a lot more pressure than that. Shut it down. [to Jean-Philippe] Tell the customers I'm closing the place down.

Okay, well done. Bloody well done. First time ever in Hell's Kitchen, we have completed a fully booked dining room. starters, mains and desserts. You three did it. [high fives the three chefs] Team, team and team. And last night, none of us had any sleep. 24 hours virtually. And do you know the most important thing about tonight's service? Did you see any food come back?

No way.

No. Did you see any dishes come back? No, nothing. And do you know the most exciting thing for me from a chef's point of view? Every dish looked the same. Spot on. Well done. I am a very proud man.

It's my coconut and pomegranate root salad.

And what's cooked on the plate?

Hmmm.... the nuts are toasted.

(sarcastically) The nuts are toasted?

Yes.

Well fuck me! We've toasted nuts for 29 minutes and then grated a coconut! [tastes her food] It's fine. [Virginia smiles] As far as rabbit food goes because it's all raw and crunchy.

Tom!

Yes, chef?

You're sweating in the fucking food! We're in danger of being closed down before we even open. Get it in the bin and start again.

[comes up to the hotplate] Gordon?

Let me just serve this table.

Why is there no pumpkin in my risotto?

Right, can you get out of the way? One spaghetti, one risotto.

I want the next pumpkin risotto.

Oh? Are you always going to be that rude and interrupt when I'm trying to talk?

I just want more pumpkin, that's all I want.

Right, well I'll give you more pumpkin and I'll ram it right up your fucking ass. Would you like it whole or diced? Can we get security and get Knob back to the seat please, yes?

I just want pumpkin.

This has been open for an hour and a half. We have served fucking zero.

Yes, chef.

I've put more food in the bin tonight than I've ever seen in ten years!

Service, please.

Yay!!! [Heather tries to shush Sara] Sorry. Sorry.

What's going on?

Heather West

Nothing, chef. Nothing chef.

Who's shouting and screaming? Hey, Sara, let me just tell you something. You're not a fucking cheerleader so stop acting like one. Because we have nothing to fucking smile about. And listen, ladies, that has been one hour and forty minutes for four starters. And personally, I wouldn't laugh, or scream, or start wetting your knickers, because that is fucking embarrassing.

Heather West

Yes, chef.

(interview) Nobody deserved to be shouted at. I feel like a little worm on a big fucking hook right now!

Just take one good look at yourselves in the mirror, 'cause it's a fucking disgrace!

What do you guy think we should do about the sauce?

What have you got?

I have a whole bunch of lamb stock and...

This is veal stock! This isn't lamb stock, this is veal stock. There's no way in hell we can pass this off as fucking lamb sauce.

(interview) I was totally desperate. Desperate enough to go over to the other team and ask them for some lamb stock. [crosses into the blue kitchen and goes over to Giacomo] May I have some lamb stock, please?

I don't think so.

[laughs] No way! Get out!

Please, you guys?

No way.

You guys don't want to share any with me? You guys don't know if you might need something in the future.

I don't give a fuck.

(interview) It was horrible. It was horrible. No matter what I did, something was messed up.

We are so fucked it's unbelievable.

[chanting] I WANT MY FOOD! I WANT MY FOOD! WE WANT OUR FOOD! WE WANT OUR FOOD!

Listen to that shit! (to Jean-Philippe) I can't take it anymore. Shut it down. (to both teams) Stop! Turn it off!

(to the Blue Team) Okay, listen up, here we go. On order, two covers table 24. Appetisers: one spaghetti, one Salad Saint-Jacques. Entrées: one duck, one chicken. Let's go, all together.

Would you please repeat it chef?

Move your fat ass, and read it yourself, okay?

Fair enough, chef.

Four minutes to the window, one spaghetti, one Salad of Saint-Jacques.

Yes, chef.

Four minutes?

We need two quails, chef, with that?

Two quail? Gabe--

No, no, I know chef--

Sh--shut the fuck up...

Yes, chef.

Would you [voice cracks] MIND not being so rude?!

Yes, chef.

There's quail nowhere on that ticket!

Yes, chef.

Just listen!

Yes, chef!

Concentrate!

Yes, chef!

4 minutes to the window!

Yes, chef!

One spaghetti of lobster -

Yes, chef!

- one scallops!

Yes, chef!

Now, would you like me to fucking e-mail that to your BlackBerry?

No, chef.

MOVE YOUR ARSE.

Yes, chef!

One duck and one chicken!

I have a duck and a chicken ready for it's sides.

(to Giacomo) And taste that. Taste that there. Just taste that. Why has he fried the cabbage?

I don't know chef.

It's like glue! Is that what you want to do is to start sneaking things in there?

No chef.

So, you agree it tastes like shit.

You still served it?

Sorry, chef.

Hey, hey, and you want a restaurant in Vegas?

A lot of work to do chef.

Hey, why don't you become a hairdresser? Poncing around with women's hair?

All I want to know is we're going to eat tonight or not.

Honestly, for the first time in my fucking cooking career, yeah? I'm in a kitchen with muppets. Thank you, sir.

So, blue team. Tortellinis, but sadly, no sauce.

[slouching against the counter] May I speak?

No tortellinis...

May I speak?

...from the red team. (to Tom) May you speak? May you stand up straight and stop acting like a slob?

Well I'm trying... no, I need to-

No no - cut the fucking bullshit, will you? Just stand up straight, at least look like a fucking cook!

Yes, chef.

[mocks Tom] Do I slouch and slob and talk like this like some big fat fucking slob?

(interview) Who do you think you're talking to? He doesn't want to get into a street fight with me. Trust me.

Chef Scott, this oven is cold. It's coming out cold.

What, you're just noticing this now?

No, I noticed it earlier.

Dude, you don't have the fuckin' gas on, stupid!

Why is the oven not on? Hello, dirtbrain. [voice cracks] WHY is the oven not on?!

I'm not sure, chef.

You're not sure. YOU DONKEY!

You've stopped caring now. I can see it in your attitude.

No, I haven't.

Yes, you fucking have. You stopped caring now. What do you care about?

I care about making an ass of myself right now.

Really? Hey, congratulations. Exactly what you're just doing.