Tom quotes from Hell's Kitchen

Tom!

Yes, chef?

You're sweating in the fucking food! We're in danger of being closed down before we even open. Get it in the bin and start again.

(to the Blue Team) Okay, listen up, here we go. On order, two covers table 24. Appetisers: one spaghetti, one Salad Saint-Jacques. Entrées: one duck, one chicken. Let's go, all together.

Would you please repeat it chef?

Move your fat ass, and read it yourself, okay?

Fair enough, chef.

Four minutes to the window, one spaghetti, one Salad of Saint-Jacques.

Yes, chef.

Four minutes?

We need two quails, chef, with that?

Two quail? Gabe--

No, no, I know chef--

Sh--shut the fuck up...

Yes, chef.

Would you [voice cracks] MIND not being so rude?!

Yes, chef.

There's quail nowhere on that ticket!

Yes, chef.

Just listen!

Yes, chef!

Concentrate!

Yes, chef!

4 minutes to the window!

Yes, chef!

One spaghetti of lobster -

Yes, chef!

- one scallops!

Yes, chef!

Now, would you like me to fucking e-mail that to your BlackBerry?

No, chef.

MOVE YOUR ARSE.

Yes, chef!

One duck and one chicken!

I have a duck and a chicken ready for it's sides.

(to Giacomo) And taste that. Taste that there. Just taste that. Why has he fried the cabbage?

I don't know chef.

It's like glue! Is that what you want to do is to start sneaking things in there?

No chef.

So, you agree it tastes like shit.

You still served it?

Sorry, chef.

Hey, hey, and you want a restaurant in Vegas?

A lot of work to do chef.

Hey, why don't you become a hairdresser? Poncing around with women's hair?

So, blue team. Tortellinis, but sadly, no sauce.

[slouching against the counter] May I speak?

No tortellinis...

May I speak?

...from the red team. (to Tom) May you speak? May you stand up straight and stop acting like a slob?

Well I'm trying... no, I need to-

No no - cut the fucking bullshit, will you? Just stand up straight, at least look like a fucking cook!

Yes, chef.

[mocks Tom] Do I slouch and slob and talk like this like some big fat fucking slob?

(interview) Who do you think you're talking to? He doesn't want to get into a street fight with me. Trust me.

You've stopped caring now. I can see it in your attitude.

No, I haven't.

Yes, you fucking have. You stopped caring now. What do you care about?

I care about making an ass of myself right now.

Really? Hey, congratulations. Exactly what you're just doing.

(to Tom) This order here is 7:35. Hello? Stop! Hey, lis--Stop! Come here, you... you idiot. Now I've FUCKING HAD ENOUGH! What I'm trying to tell you in your fucking eyeball, is that the quail in the spaghetti now, and you're putting the quail in.

No, I have the ones there.

THAT'S FOR-- THAT FUCKING ORDER THERE!!! [pounds the counter; the restaurant falls completely silent as the diners brought their attention, except for some ambience in the background] You're not bothered, are you? It doesn't hurt, does it? [stutters, points to his heart] There's nothing here.

No, it does. I can't yell. I can't cry. All I have to do is do it. [Tom's meat pan catches fire and Tom starts blowing it]

Oh, my God. [Gordon visibly gets even more stressed] THE DUCK'S BURNT!! YOU'RE COOKING IN A BURNT PAN, YOU FUCKING DICK!! [Tom keeps blowing the fire and it gets bigger] Oh, my God, leave it! Leave it! LEAVE IT!! JUST FUCKING LEAVE IT!! [places the pan off the burner and the fire goes out] You're going to blow fire in your face, you fucking DONKEY!!! Keith.

Yes, chef.

Get on the meat section, and stick next to him, and don't let him cook a FUCKING thing! And you (Tom), open those big eyes and watch what the fuck this guy's doing.

Yes, chef.

Shut it and watch!

Yes, chef.

SHUT IT!!!

I'm waiting on--

SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU!! YOU DONKEY!!!