“Episode One” quotes from Hell's Kitchen

It's my coconut and pomegranate root salad.

And what's cooked on the plate?

Hmmm.... the nuts are toasted.

(sarcastically) The nuts are toasted?

Yes.

Well fuck me! We've toasted nuts for 29 minutes and then grated a coconut! [tastes her food] It's fine. [Virginia smiles] As far as rabbit food goes because it's all raw and crunchy.

Tom!

Yes, chef?

You're sweating in the fucking food! We're in danger of being closed down before we even open. Get it in the bin and start again.

[comes up to the hotplate] Gordon?

Let me just serve this table.

Why is there no pumpkin in my risotto?

Right, can you get out of the way? One spaghetti, one risotto.

I want the next pumpkin risotto.

Oh? Are you always going to be that rude and interrupt when I'm trying to talk?

I just want more pumpkin, that's all I want.

Right, well I'll give you more pumpkin and I'll ram it right up your fucking ass. Would you like it whole or diced? Can we get security and get Knob back to the seat please, yes?

I just want pumpkin.

This has been open for an hour and a half. We have served fucking zero.

Yes, chef.

I've put more food in the bin tonight than I've ever seen in ten years!

Service, please.

Yay!!! [Heather tries to shush Sara] Sorry. Sorry.

What's going on?

Heather West

Nothing, chef. Nothing chef.

Who's shouting and screaming? Hey, Sara, let me just tell you something. You're not a fucking cheerleader so stop acting like one. Because we have nothing to fucking smile about. And listen, ladies, that has been one hour and forty minutes for four starters. And personally, I wouldn't laugh, or scream, or start wetting your knickers, because that is fucking embarrassing.

Heather West

Yes, chef.

(interview) Nobody deserved to be shouted at. I feel like a little worm on a big fucking hook right now!

Just take one good look at yourselves in the mirror, 'cause it's a fucking disgrace!

What do you guy think we should do about the sauce?

What have you got?

I have a whole bunch of lamb stock and...

This is veal stock! This isn't lamb stock, this is veal stock. There's no way in hell we can pass this off as fucking lamb sauce.

(interview) I was totally desperate. Desperate enough to go over to the other team and ask them for some lamb stock. [crosses into the blue kitchen and goes over to Giacomo] May I have some lamb stock, please?

I don't think so.

[laughs] No way! Get out!

Please, you guys?

No way.

You guys don't want to share any with me? You guys don't know if you might need something in the future.

I don't give a fuck.

(interview) It was horrible. It was horrible. No matter what I did, something was messed up.

We are so fucked it's unbelievable.

[chanting] I WANT MY FOOD! I WANT MY FOOD! WE WANT OUR FOOD! WE WANT OUR FOOD!

Listen to that shit! (to Jean-Philippe) I can't take it anymore. Shut it down. (to both teams) Stop! Turn it off!