Harley Quinn quotes from Harley Quinn

Kite Man

So, uh... this is awkward turtle.

Poison Ivy

No... why, why would that be?

Harley Quinn

Because we had an affair while you were dating, and you left him at the altar for me, and now we're all seated at an award show where you and I are run for "Best Couple"...

Kite Man

Bingo-bango.

Poison Ivy

Okay, bitch... Wait, what happened to you? You know what? I can guess. Let's win this Villy, crush the acceptance speech, and make that trophy a cuck.

Harley Quinn

Totally. How?

Poison Ivy

By making it watch us have crazy sex until dawn. Duh.

Harley Quinn

Okay, I absolutely love that image, but Ive, I'm so sorry. You had real anxiety all night and... I should have helped. I was so fixated on that award when I was with Joker 'cause it was the only validation I've ever got. But that was a bad relationship and I've grown beyond that. So who cares about a dumb trophy? [gently touches Ivy's face] I got the real award right here.

Poison Ivy

Aaw. That is so sweet. But I should have been more excited. I mean, this is important to you, so it is important to me.

Might I be your service? I tell you where Swamp Thing is, if you can outdrink me.

Harley Quinn

Let's make some shit disappear, Chris Angel!

We broke up. Bruce is so clingy. Even for an eccentric billionaire he's got baggage. Workaholic, obsessed with clean eating, and of course, those major abandonment issues from seeing his parents murdered as a child.

Harley Quinn

Well, congrats for freeing yourself from the chains of hetero hell.

Harley Quinn

Why are you smiling?! You were seconds away from being puppeted by a leprechaun in a funky hat.

Batgirl

I knew you'd come back, Harley. You may not be a bona fide hero, but you're not as ruthless as you think.

Harley Quinn

[Immediately beats the Mad Hatter to death with her baseball bat] You were saying?

Batgirl

Yeesh! Did you really just kill him to contradict me?

Harley Quinn

I like killing assholes. Don't read into it.

Batgirl

Whatever you say... friend.

Harley Quinn

[Sighs] We are in the area of friendship. We're not making bracelets yet. [Brief silence] We're NOT! Oh, and FYI, when someone texts "LOL period", the conversation is over!

Batgirl

Got it. Where you goin'? Off to do another good deed?

Harley Quinn

LOL PERIOD! [Leaves]

Bruce Wayne

[in one of his memories] As a man, I'm flesh and blood. I can be ignored. I can be destroyed. But as a symbol, as a really cool, super serious symbol, I can be incorruptible. I can be everlasting.

Harley Quinn

[to Bruce's child self] You grow up to have a real savior-complex. Who do you think you are? You don't sound like Bruce Wayne there. You sound like... [gasps] Holy shit! You're...

Kid Bruce Wayne

I'm Batman. [lightning strikes]

Harley Quinn

How could Bruce be Batman? I mean, sure, he's the richest man in Gotham, so that explains all the vehicles, and he always goes missing at big galas when villains show up... Okay, if you come to think of it, it's very obvious.

Kid Bruce Wayne

Wait 'til you hear who Superman is.

Kid Bruce Wayne

I don't trust clowns with secrets.

Harley Quinn

I'm barley clown-themed anymore. I just dress like this because it's hot. I mean, check out how good this booty-shorts make my ass look. [Kid Bruce looks confused.] Nevermind, you're eight.

Harley Quinn

You're disgusthing. All this destruction and mayhem for what? Do you really like this?

Mistah J likes it. Whatever he likes, I like.

Harley Quinn

Oh, and that accent. Oh, my God! So heavy, girl. Ease it down.

Who do you think you are?

Harley Quinn

Not you. Not anymore. Someday you'll get with the love of your life and realize how foolish you've been all those years.

The Joker

Too bad, you'll miss the wedding.

Harley Quinn

We haven't talked about marriage YET.

Harley Quinn

Hey, you never told me stopping baddies is this much fun. Being a hero is supposed to be lame.

Batman

It has its moments. Costume looks good on you, Quinn.

Harley Quinn

You don't think the shorts are too short? I like to show off a lil' something, but come on. This is a thong.

Poison Ivy

Maybe if I just go to the Green, I can find a way to control them.

Harley Quinn

No, absolutely not! The last time you went there, you almost died.

Nightwing

What other choice do we have?

Poison Ivy

I hate to say this, but the Bludhaven boner's right. Plus, I know what to expect now. [to Harley] I've got this, peanut.

Harley Quinn

Who knew confidence was my kink?

Poison Ivy

Okay, while I'm in there, you and the Bat Freaks try to stall them off.

Harley Quinn

And you're delegating. Oh, I'm gonna need to change my shorts. [Ivy pulls her closer and passionately kisses her.] Oh God, I love you.

Poison Ivy

I know. Now, go!

Harley Quinn

Okay, so which way is the Batcave?

Nightwing

What? What is this Batcave you speak of?

Batgirl

Yeah, it sounds, um, scary. Not some place I'd like to go.

Harley Quinn

Guys, I know Bruce is Batman.

Nightwing

Bruce Vilanch is Batman? Wow! Jokes and crime-fighting?

Batgirl

What a guy!

Poison Ivy

Harley, face it. You... [inhales] you've evolved. You want to help people. You're not a villain anymore.

Harley Quinn

That is not true.

Poison Ivy

Why won't you just admit it?

Harley Quinn

Because I don't wanna lose you.

Poison Ivy

[Genuinely surprised] Do you really think that you would lose me?

Harley Quinn

If we don't want the same thing, what is that mean for us?

Poison Ivy

Look, if running the Legion of Doom with me isn't for you, it's okay. I don't want you to compramise yourself. We're equals in this relationship and that's why it's so great. We can fully have different passions. I mean, if I didn't leave you during your craft beer phase, I'm not leaving you now.

Harley Quinn

Yeah, I know, I could not pull off those cargo shorts.

Poison Ivy

Look, as long as you're honest with me, I will support whatever you want to do.

Harley Quinn

But what if I don't know exactly what that is? Look, I know I don't want to kill Joker and I don't want to do big evil plans, but... do I wanna help people? Maybe. I don't know. I haven't really let myself think about it. People are saying I'm not a villain anymore which is fine, like, whatever, labels are lame, but... I'm not ready to identify as... the other thing.

Poison Ivy

You know what? Then we're gonna figure this out together. Right? BFFGFFs. That's us, right?

Poison Ivy

So, okay. That's what you've decided.

Harley Quinn

It is. I was alone for so long carrying around this trauma. Then I met you and I fell in love which helped me get past it. I'm finally in a place where I can actually think about what I want. It's exciting. And scary.

Poison Ivy

I'm so proud of you.

Harley Quinn

So, is Lex gonna be pissed you didn't killed Joker?

Poison Ivy

Oh, he probably wants me even more right now...

Harley Quinn

Hmm. God knows I do. [kisses Ivy]

Harley Quinn

Hey, assholes!

Batgirl

[Excitedly] Ooooh!

Nightwing

Harley? What are you doing here?

Harley Quinn

Yeah, with Baty in the clink, I thought you silly rodents might need a little help. Hm? Don't worry, Nightwing. You still got the best looking ass out of all of us.

Nightwing

Mmm, let's give her a chance.

Batgirl

Are you ready?

Harley Quinn

Like in general or is there some specific we need to do?

Batgirl

Welcome to the fam, Harley!

Harley Quinn

Thanks for waiting me, you fucking dildos! [Smiles] I'll take the stairs.