Harley Quinn quotes from Harley Quinn

Harley Quinn

All my condolences to you. He seemed like a really great guy.

Clayface

Yeah, good guy.

Kite Man

So, so sorry.

King Shark

He was a real mensch.

Clayface

Can we go now?

[furiously] OH MY GOD, GET OUT OF HERE!

Poison Ivy

YOU came up with 'Two-Face'?

Harley Quinn

And I didn't get a single royalty...

Bane

You cannot run from your problems, Harley. Hate weighs you down. Only love sets us free.

Harley Quinn

[Realising what she has to do] Ivy.

Poison Ivy

[Immediately getting it] No.

Harley Quinn

It's okay.

Poison Ivy

Don't, don't do this.

Harley Quinn

Have a good life, get married, make babies. Name them Harley. The girls and boys.

Poison Ivy

Harls!

Harley Quinn

See? It totally works. You know I love you. Bye, Ive.

Harley Quinn

Probably be best if you turn around your merry band of meatbags.

Commissioner Gordon

And why the hell would I do that?

Harley Quinn

Gordo, I have a flying army from a hell planet under my control.

Commissioner Gordon

Well, I made my decision! And I never back down from my decisions. It’s a terrible quality that has ruined most of my personal relationships, so bring it!

The Joker

The storybook is real? Where is it?

Harley Quinn

I don't know, but I think you do. Are you sure you can't just remember?

The Joker

It's like I see the book, but… everything else is cloudy.

Harley Quinn

That's disappointing because I really, really, really don't wanna have to do this.

The Joker

Do what?

Harley Quinn

I'll be seein' ya soon, Mistah J.

Dr. Psycho

The point is, I'm gonna do what you never could, because you are a pussy!

Harley Quinn

Pussies are powerful. They birthed all of humanity!

Commissioner Gordon

I was a C-Section.

Batman

[In flirty tone] Wonder Woman, you look bangin'.

Harley Quinn

What?

Wonder Woman

Batman, are those pecs real or is it just the suit? [Giggles]

Harley Quinn

Gross.

Superman

These pecs are definitely real. Give them a grab. Don't-a be shy.

Harley Quinn

Oh, gross! Did you just spray them with Ivy's love pheromones?!

Wonder Woman

[In seductive tone] Maybe we should see what's under these costumes. [Giggles seductively]

Harley Quinn

Or not! A lot of not! PLEASE, NOT!

Harley Quinn

I sometimes can't get over the fact that Ivy has sex with you.

Kite Man

Oh. She does.

Harley Quinn

[driving] Where's the exit?

Poison Ivy

Oh, for the shit of shits! This is why I didn't want to get married here, the parking lot is a damn maze!

Poison Ivy

Okay, let's do this!

Kite Man

Hell, NO!

What?

Kite Man

I should have known the third time I proposed, every step in our relationship I've had to do over, and over, and OVER! And-and-and I'm not... after all of this, I am NOT redoing my wedding!

Poison Ivy

Don't... don't you want to marry me?

Kite Man

Of course I do! But you don't! I saw your face during the vows, and I knew your heart wasn't in it. I may be simple, but I'm not a fool. It is hard for me to finally admit it, but since you refused to, I will. I'm not the person for you!

Poison Ivy

No... ah, shit...

Kite Man

Like you said, Ivy, I deserve the best.

Harley Quinn

I'm really sorry, Ivy! Kite Man will come around, he always does!

Poison Ivy

Yeah, but you know what? I won't! I mean, he's right! I've been denying a lot of myself for a long time! I guess, I guess it seemed easier for me to just go along with it, you know? And now I realize I hurt a lot of people delaying the inevitable!

Harley Quinn

Well, people change, Ive!

Poison Ivy

Yeah! Yeah, people DO change! I mean look at you, what you did for me today! You... you showed me the Harley I always wanted to see, you know?

Harley Quinn

You... you don't think I'm chaotic, crazy and make a bunch of messes?

Poison Ivy

No, you definitely do that. But you're trying to grow, and actually doing it! And that... I mean, for me, that is what matters!

Harley Quinn

I love you, Ive!

Poison Ivy

[smiles] I love you too, Harls.

Clayface

Harlivy! You look radiant!

Harley Quinn

Ah, thanks. We've been doing a ton of fucking.

Harley Quinn

I'm getting nervous about Kylie's and Brittney's improv skills with Gordon.

Poison Ivy

They're trained professionals. I'm sure they can buy us at least another five minutes.

Oooh, no. We've been bad.

Oooh, we need someone to punish us.

Not Commissioner Gordon!

We're respect and fear him so much.

Two-Face

Something about this doesn't seem right.

Commissioner Gordon

Hold on. Let's hear 'em out. [Two-Face switches the lights on to see their faces.] What the...? Adult film actresses Kylie Kyriptonite and Brittney Bionic?

I'm a huge fan.

Loved you in The Drilling Joke.

Please, sign my gun.

Can I get an autograph? I-it's for my husband.

Hello, Alfred! Looks like the prodigal son has returned.

Harley Quinn

What up, Gotham City? You ready to lick up my toe? Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy are back! [to Dick] Now, that's how you make an entrance, you fucking dork.

Poison Ivy

This is beyond messed up.

Harley Quinn

You know, I should hate 'em, but damn it, the girls got moves.