Soos quotes from Gravity Falls

Wendy

Soos.

Soos

Inflatable duck guy? Is that you?

Wendy

Yes, Soos.

Soos

I knew you guys were secretly alive. I knew it.

Wendy

My people have been enslaved, Soos. You must free us.

Soos

The inflatable pool duck revolution is at hand.

Dipper

Mabel? Is everyone here tonight?! What, is Soos here too?

Soos

[Falls off of the fence in the background.] I'm okay.

Dipper

Go home, Soos.

Soos

You got it.

Dipper

Soos, can I sleep in your break room tonight?

Soos

Sure, dude. [Opens door to reveal small room full of pipes.] You just gotta make your body go like a video game puzzle block. The trick is to hold perfectly still. [Repeatedly burns arm on pipe.] Ow! Wait, wait. Ow! Wait, wait. Ow! Wait, wai. Actually felt kind of good that time.

[in McGucket's body] Cool, I'm Santa Claus.

McGucket

[in Candy's body] Whoo-ee! [laughs] I've regained my innocence!

Dipper

[in Waddles' body] Well, I guess I'm a pig now. So, that's a thing.

Soos

[in Grenda's body] This body's not that different from my old one.

Bill

One nightmare, coming up!

Soos

Nightmare? I hope he doesn't mean that British dog-man I'm always dreaming about.

[appears] 'Ello, 'ello, 'ello. Who's crike for a stick in the pudding?

Bill

I gotta hand it to you kids. You're a lot more clever than I gave you credit for. Especially the fat one.

Soos

[whispering to Mabel] He's talking about you.

Bill

So I'm gonna let you off the hook this time. BUT KNOW THIS! A darkness approaches. A time is coming in the future where everything you care about will change. Until then, I'll be watching you! I'll be watching you...!

Stan

Watier, give me a glass of the cheapest, most expired apple cider you've got.

Soos

Right away, Mr. Pines.

Stan

Soos? What are you doing here?

Soos

Ever since the Mystery Shack closed, I've had to take a bunch of part-time jobs - grave digger, bus driver, really awesome cook. Is the kitchen supposed to have that much fire in it?

Stan

You're a good man..child, Soos. But it's not looking good. The whole town loves Gideon and hates me. If only they knew how evil he really was!

Soos

Hey, I'm here for you, dude.

Stan

The entire lower half of your body is on fire.

Soos

Shhh, we're having a moment.

Wendy

Oh, man. Was this place built in the past or the future?

Soos

Yeah, this room is way creepy.

Mabel

Not as creepy as Dipper's internet history.

Mabel

They sure are taking their time in there.

Soos

Didn't Dipper say something about a monster?

Mabel

Oh, no. I thought he was joking.

Soos

You know Dipper's jokes are terrible!

You think you're so clever, don't you, Dipper? But you have no idea what you're up against. You will never find the author! If you keep digging, you'll meet a fate worse than you can imagine - and this will be the last form you ever take!

Soos

[to Dipper] Good luck sleeping tonight.

Pacifica

Tell your servant I like his W-neck.

Soos

Yes!

Bill

[in Dipper's body] Hey, Soos, wanna hear the exact time and date of your death?

Soos

[chuckles] Okay.

Soos

Man, I can't wait for the year 2000.

Soos

Ehh, start. "When the cherry petals of magic romance academy are in bloom, anthyding can hadplen." That is so true.

.GIFfany

Oh, hi there. My name is .GIFfany. I'm a schoolgirl at School University. Will you help me carry my books? [options for "Yes of course!", "I am impatient! Date me now!" and "Hey look a squid!" appear]

Soos

I'm really feeling number two here. Click. [buzzes] Ah! I messed up.

.GIFfany

That's okay. Try again. [Soos clicks "Yes of course!", awards him "100 Love Points" as coins and a cat fall down the screen]

Soos

Wow, I'm learning. And games are making it fun.

.GIFfany

What would you like to talk about? [options for "Your interests!", "Samurais!" and "Squids!" appear]

Soos

I'd rather just click your face.

Soos

Man, this game is amazing. I don't know why anyone abandoned it.

.GIFfany

And I'm sure you'll never abandon me, new boyfriend.

Soos

Boyfriend? Oh my, Giffany. It's almost like you're actually alive.

.GIFfany

Yes. Almost. Haha, Haha, Haha, Haha.

Soos

Oh, man. You have such a nice laugh.

Soos

Please, let my friends go. I'll do anything you want, I promise.

.GIFfany

I seem to remember someone promising to be my boyfriend. Think about it. Real girls are unpredictable. They judge you. Do you really think that Melody will take you back after this awful date? I can download your brain into the game, with me, and we'll be together forever.

Soos

Ah! Stay back!

.GIFfany

Come on, Soos. Don't let me delete you too.

.GIFfany

What do you say, boyfriend?

Soos

I say GAME OVER, GIFFANY!

Stan

Those monsters are just tiny clay figures moved around one frame at a time by an antisocial shut-in.

Soos

Those people are called animators.