Dipper Pines quotes from Gravity Falls

Mabel

Ah, the pool. Sparkling oasis of summer enchantment.

Stan

Yeah, nothing like sitting in a moist tub with strangers. It's like the bus but wet.

Dipper

[looking at a towel] Why would a sun need to wear sunglasses?

Soos

It's best not to think about it.

Wendy

Hey, Mr. Pines.

Stan

Wendy?! Where's the lifeguard?

Wendy

I am the lifeguard. I make the rules, sucka. Boosh. [throws more balloons]

Stan

[fleeing] AAH! SHE'S ATTACKING ME WITH WATER!

Dipper

Wow, you work here?

Wendy

I found out lifeguards get free snack privileges. Plus I get the best seat in the house.

Dipper

Yeah, you do! [laughs for a moment, then whispers to himself] I've been laughing for too long.

Soos

Dude, are you and Wendy having a secret staring contest? 'Cause I think you're winning.

Dipper

Soos, shhh.

I have never met anyone like you.

Mabel

Me too. Except for a zombie, a gnome, and a couple of cute vampires.

Dipper

I don't remember the vampires.

Mabel

I don't tell you everything.

Dipper

Mabel? Is everyone here tonight?! What, is Soos here too?

Soos

[Falls off of the fence in the background.] I'm okay.

Dipper

Go home, Soos.

Soos

You got it.

Dipper

Mabel, if you don't hand over those pool supplies, I'll lose the coolest job ever.

Mabel

Okay, I understand. Hey, look! Wendy in a bikini!

Dipper

Really? At night?

Mabel

Dipper, you're a lifeguard! Give him CPR!

Dipper

Mermen don't breathe air!

Mabel

Then give him reverse CPR, doi!

Dipper

[Repeatedly fills his mouth with water and spits it into Mermando's] I hate this, I hate this.

Mabel

[Takes a picture of Dipper and Mermando with their lips together] Haha, blackmail.

Thank you for saving me, but why didn't you just roll me into the lake?

Dipper

Agh!

Dipper

Alright, let a pro on the field. Or floor...whatever.

Stan

AH, MY HEAD! IT HIT ME RIGHT IN THE HEAD!

Dipper

Soos, can I sleep in your break room tonight?

Soos

Sure, dude. [Opens door to reveal small room full of pipes.] You just gotta make your body go like a video game puzzle block. The trick is to hold perfectly still. [Repeatedly burns arm on pipe.] Ow! Wait, wait. Ow! Wait, wait. Ow! Wait, wai. Actually felt kind of good that time.

Mabel

Get ready to be poked by the fun stick. Boop.

Dipper

Ow.

Dipper

[in Grenda's body] Oh, no! Then again, I like having muscles for once.

[in Mabel's body] Wow! Now I have tiny little doll hands!

[in McGucket's body] Cool, I'm Santa Claus.

McGucket

[in Candy's body] Whoo-ee! [laughs] I've regained my innocence!

Dipper

[in Waddles' body] Well, I guess I'm a pig now. So, that's a thing.

Soos

[in Grenda's body] This body's not that different from my old one.

Mabel

SEV'RAL TIMEZ is playing at the the Gravity Falls Civic Center and Buffet.

Dipper

Ughh, Sev'Ral Timez? Aren't they that boy band that came a decade too late?

Oh Oh! Girl you got me actin' so Cray Cray! (Cray-Cray!) You say you won't be my baby! We're not threatening!

Dipper

Mabel, you know all those boy bands are fake - Right?

Wendy

Dipper's right. They're just a manufactured product of the bloated corporate music industry.

Mabel

You're making my dance sad.

Mabel

You guys can't ruin this for me. Mabel's got backup.

Hey guys.

Candy

Woo-Hoo.

Mabel

I'm ready for the greatest night of our live. [singing] "How many times am I gonna love ya?"

"SEV'RAL TIMEZ!"

Dipper

Uhhh, GIRLS.

Wendy

I know, Right?

Dipper

So wait...You actually believe my theory?

Grunkle Stan

You're darn right I do. And we're gonna get to the bottom of it...Right after I get to the bottom of this brown meat.

Grunkle Stan

It's APOCA-LICIOUS!

Dipper

All right, it took all day, but I converted it to a record. And now we can slow it down to see if the mind-control message theory is correct. Prepare to have your mind blown.

Stan

Spit-take, here I come. [sips Pitt Cola]

Stan

Hmm... that's not spit worthy. What gives?

Dipper

What? Is that it? [fiddles with the speed] Ugh, This was so stupid! Course there's no hidden mind-control messages. Mabel was right. Wendy just likes the song. She just likes Robbie.

Wendy

[entering with Robbie] Hey, Dip. Forgot my keys.

Robbie

What's up, junior? What are you doing? Trying to come up with an equation to make girls like you? [laughs]

Wendy

Ready to go to Lookout Point?

Robbie

Heh, am I. [leaving with her] Later, dorks. Catch ya on the rewind. [chuckles] I made that up.

Stan

I'll rewind your FACE!

Dipper

Wait a minute. Stan, rewind!

Stan

[spits soda into Dipper's face] Holy mackerel! Now there's your spit-take!

Dipper

Ha ha! I knew it! It's mind control after all! Oh no! I've got to save Wendy!

Stan

Finally, a good reason to punch a teenager in the face! Let's roll!