Blair Waldorf quotes from Gossip Girl

Serena

Blair, stop. You can talk to me.

Blair

[Crying] We ended it. I wanted to tell you, but a part of me thought that if I didn't say it out loud, then it wouldn't be true. It was my birthday wish for us to get back together, but now, I think it's really over.

Blair

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It's been...awhile since my last confession.

What troubles you, my child?

Blair

[Sighs] After being broken up with my boyfriend for exactly twenty minutes, I succumbed to inebriation, performed at a Speak-Easy, and surrendered my virtue to a self-absorbed ass. The only good news is that he's a total pig who'll act like it never happened, thank God.

Ahem.

Blair

Sorry. Truthfully, I'm not even Catholic.

[Sarcastically] You don't say?

Blair

But losing my virginity to Chuck Bass? None of my friends will ever understand. I'm ready for my punishment. Whatever you and God think is fair. Flogging, fasting, putting that thing with the teeth around my thigh like Silas.

How about some food for thought instead? Don't drink, keep your clothes on, try avoiding those who might cause you to stray.

Blair

Oh, I plan to. Thank you, Father. That was very good advice. [Gets up to leave but comes back] You don't grant birthday wishes, do you?

I'm a priest, not a genie.

Blair

Well, the next time you talk to Him, would you ask Him to send my boyfriend back to me?

Chuck

Are you ready for your present? [Blair pulls his hair] Ow! If you wanted to play rough all you had to do was ask.

Blair

[Lets go of Chuck's hair] You nauseate me.

Chuck

All this talk about how you have to be with Nate or the world will end, face it. It's over.

Blair

You sound like a jealous boyfriend.

Chuck

Yeah, right. You wish.

Blair

[Thinks and then lets out a laugh] No... You wish.

Chuck

Please, you're forgetting who you're talking to.

Blair

So do you. Do you...like me?

Chuck

[Pauses] Define like.

Blair

You've got to be kidding. I do not believe this.

Chuck

How do you think I feel? I haven't slept, I feel sick, like there's something in my stomach. Fluttering.

Blair

Butterflies? [Chuck looks horrified] Oh no, no, no, no, this is not happening.

Chuck

Believe me, no one is more surprised or ashamed than I am.

Blair

Chuck, you know that I adore all of God's creatures and the metaphors they inspire. But those butterflies, have got to be murdered.

Chuck

Fine, it wasn't that great anyway.

Serena

Mom is such a hypocrite. And all these years, she's been riding me about my behavior.

Eric

And here, she's just mad at you for being her.

Dan

And all this time my dad has been giving me advice based on a girl he dated...a girl "a lot like Serena".

Jenny

Her mom.

Blair

If you think about it, it makes total sense that your mom was a groupie. I mean, only a woman that had completely satisfied her sexual appetite in her youth would ever marry your step dads.

Serena

Blair, can we not talk about my mom's appetite?

Dan

No, or who satisfied her.

Serena

That's just...

Gross!

Blair

What was that?

Chuck

I should ask you the same question. Perfect gentleman? Perfect date? That broken record was a hit last year. Get with the times, he bores you.

Blair

You almost made a fool of me in front of the New York Times. Which proves my very point: you can't be trusted. Nate is a gentleman. He would never cause a scene.

Chuck

Never get your blood going, either.

Blair

Speaking of going, that's what you should do. Carter Baizen is on his way here, right now.

Chuck

What? What the hell are you doing with Carter Baizen?

Blair

He left his jacket here yesterday and I'd rather you be gone when he got here. There have been enough scenes for today.

Blair

What are you doing here, Nate?

Nate

Well, I, um... Look, you know, after rehearsal I just, uh, I couldn't stop thinking about you. I mean, the ball's something we've talked about doing together since we were, like ten years old. And I've given you every reason to hate me.

Blair

True. Keep going.

Nate

And the Prince, he's a great dancer and all. But, is there any chance you'd go with me instead? For old times' sake.

Blair

Nate, after what you pulled on my birthday, the only thing we should be doing together is moving on.

Nate

Yeah, I know. [Pause] Look, I haven't worn this sweater since forever. I just pulled it off, and I found this. [Shows Blair the heart pin]

Blair

It's my pin. I sewed it there so you would always have my heart on your sleeve.

Nate

I know. I figured you might want it back or something.

Blair

No! It was a gift. [Considers Nate's offer] The Prince will understand. Maybe we should go to the ball together... as friends.

Nate

Absolutely.

Blair

But only as friends.

Nate

Just friends.

Blair

You know, I called you about an hour ago, BTW. You're late.

Serena

Um, you're lucky I'm even here at all. It's Christmas Eve and I still haven't found a gift for Dan. Now, all the stores are closing and I'm totally screwed. Do you have any idea what you can buy for under fifty dollars these days?

Blair

I don't know. A single entrée in a mid-price restaurant? Three-quarters of a DVD box set? Maybe a pair of Wilfrid stockings?

Serena

Oh, stockings! Yes! Great idea for Dan! Blair, please, this is serious.

Blair

I don't know, why don't you buy him a gold money clip for forty-nine, ninety-nine. He won't know the difference.

Blair

If you didn't pay your rent with it, what did you do with Chuck's money?

Vanessa

I may have created a medical grant for teens with genital herpes. In his name.

Blair

Is there a reason you're here?

Serena

Stay. Don't let these things make you run away like it did me. Like it does everybody in our world.

Blair

Every thing's horrible. My whole life is falling apart.

Serena

So, rebuild it. You're a Waldorf, remember? People don't tell you who you are, you tell them. Stay and fight. I'll fight with you.

Blair

I'm so embarrassed. I'm so...

Serena

So, what? Start over. It can be done, I should know. We can get through this together.

Blair

Promise?

Serena

Promise. [hugs Blair]

Blair

Did you tell Dan I slept with Chuck?

Serena

What?

Blair

You did You told your low rent boyfriend and he told his social climbing sister who wears my hand-me-downs who blabbed to Nate!

Serena

No, Blair - Dan and Jenny aren't like that. They would never do that.

Blair

You don't get it, do you? The rules are different for the Serena van der Woodsens of the world. People expect you to be party and be wild, sleep with whoever you want, run away, come back...You shot your reputation to hell a long time ago. It doesn't matter what you do but I'm a Waldorf!

Serena

Well since you and your reputation obviously don't need me and my low rent tastes, you and the Waldorf name can weather this storm alone.

Blair

I will.

Blair

You're all I have left.

Chuck

Actually, you don't even have me.

Blair

Enough.

Chuck

I'll try to be more succinct. You held a certain fascination when you were beautiful, delicate and untouched. But now you're like...one of the Arabians my father used to own. Rode hard and put away wet. I don't want you anymore and I can't see why anyone else would.

Blair

Cat! Cat! Cat! Ew!

Nate

You don't have a cat, Jenny.

Blair

My name is Blair.

Nate

You don't have anyone. [Smirking]

Blair

But I'm Blair! I'M BLAIR!!!

Blair

What's happening?

Dorota

You have bad dream and you're sleeping with your chocolate.

Blair

Lady Godiva, my only friend.

Blair

What does she think she's doing?

Serena

She's giving you the perfect opportunity for niceness. C'mon, be nice!

Jenny

Serena, I know you're doing something with Dan tonight. But Blair, um, we're all going to Butter and I was wondering if you wanted to join us?

Serena

She'd be delighted. YES! [Serena claps for excitement] BUTTER!

Jenny

Great.

Serena

Great! [Serena smiling happily]

Blair

Very nice.

Serena

Thank you.

Blair

How do you manage to get out of everything unscathed?

Serena

Because I'm nice. You should try it sometime. C'mon, um, compliment me, tell me my hair looks beautiful.

Blair

But your hair looks disgusting. Did you even shower today?