[On the phone] Hi, this is Blair Waldorf, I was wondering if any of the pieces I put on hold today were picked up. The diamond necklace. Okay, thank you. [Looking up at the ceiling] Thank you, thank you!
“Seventeen Candles” · Season 1, Episode 8
In this episode: Blair Waldorf (4), Chuck Bass (4), Nate Archibald (3), Gossip Girl (2), Serena van der Woodsen (1)
AAnne
May I remind you that it was your own rash actions that got us into this predicament.
We're in this predicament because Dad has a drug problem. I was trying to help him.
AAnne
Then help him.
[About his mom] She wants me to give Blair her ring.
What? You guys broke up.
Yeah, I know. I mean, wait, how did you know?
Predictably, your ex ran the old, uh, grill-the-best-friend play.
Whoever thought monarchy was dead didn't realize it just changed zip codes. So, what will it be, Nate? Blair Waldorf's hand or your father's head?
Something as beautiful deserves to be seen on someone worthy of its beauty.
Blair, stop. You can talk to me.
[Crying] We ended it. I wanted to tell you, but a part of me thought that if I didn't say it out loud, then it wouldn't be true. It was my birthday wish for us to get back together, but now, I think it's really over.
Speak of the devil and he doth appear -- wearing his trademark scarf. Careful, B, hell hath no fury like a Chuck Bass scorned.
Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It's been...awhile since my last confession.
PPriest
What troubles you, my child?
[Sighs] After being broken up with my boyfriend for exactly twenty minutes, I succumbed to inebriation, performed at a Speak-Easy, and surrendered my virtue to a self-absorbed ass. The only good news is that he's a total pig who'll act like it never happened, thank God.
PPriest
Ahem.
Sorry. Truthfully, I'm not even Catholic.
PPriest
[Sarcastically] You don't say?
But losing my virginity to Chuck Bass? None of my friends will ever understand. I'm ready for my punishment. Whatever you and God think is fair. Flogging, fasting, putting that thing with the teeth around my thigh like Silas.
PPriest
How about some food for thought instead? Don't drink, keep your clothes on, try avoiding those who might cause you to stray.
Oh, I plan to. Thank you, Father. That was very good advice. [Gets up to leave but comes back] You don't grant birthday wishes, do you?
PPriest
I'm a priest, not a genie.
Well, the next time you talk to Him, would you ask Him to send my boyfriend back to me?
Where's the girl?
In my dreams, I was trying to get some shuteye. What's on your mind?
It's my mom.
Sounds Freudian.
She wants me to give Blair her ring.
What? You guys broke up.
Yeah, I know. I mean, wait, how did you know?
Predictably, your ex ran the old, uh, grill-the-best-friend play. Tried to find out where your head was at. So uh...where is your head?
Spinning. I mean, my mom wants me to get back with Blair so Eleanor won't pull out of their business deal. It's all cause of my dad's whole trial thing, you know?
Hey, I'm sorry about all that. But look, if you're done with Blair, be done. Don't cave to your parents wishes if they're not your desires.
Excuse me? Where's my boy? Seal the deal, tap that ass? Money marries bigger money?
Look, I care about three things Nathaniel. Money, the pleasures money brings me and you. I'm just trying to have your back here. Your parents have been controlling you your whole life, if it doesn't end now, when will it ever?
Are you ready for your present? [Blair pulls his hair] Ow! If you wanted to play rough all you had to do was ask.
[Lets go of Chuck's hair] You nauseate me.
All this talk about how you have to be with Nate or the world will end, face it. It's over.
You sound like a jealous boyfriend.
Yeah, right. You wish.
[Thinks and then lets out a laugh] No... You wish.
Please, you're forgetting who you're talking to.
So do you. Do you...like me?
[Pauses] Define like.
You've got to be kidding. I do not believe this.
How do you think I feel? I haven't slept, I feel sick, like there's something in my stomach. Fluttering.
Butterflies? [Chuck looks horrified] Oh no, no, no, no, this is not happening.
Believe me, no one is more surprised or ashamed than I am.
Chuck, you know that I adore all of God's creatures and the metaphors they inspire. But those butterflies, have got to be murdered.
Fine, it wasn't that great anyway.
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