Rachel Berry quotes from Glee

Santana

You know what? This is not...hey honeys, this is not a Big Red commercial, all right? No me gusta.

Rachel

Whoo! Party! My turn. My turn. [spins the bottle and it lands on Blaine]

Kurt

This is outstanding!

Rachel

Blaine Warbler, I am going to rock your world. [kisses Blaine for a long time]

Kurt

Okay, I think we've seen enough.

Rachel

[stops kissing Blaine] Your face...tastes awesome. I think I just found a new duet partner!

[singing] Don't you want me baby?

Santana

I want you! I do!

Rachel

The date was lovely. We saw Love Story at the Revival Theatre - we even dressed up as the characters.

Kurt

[says sarcastically] That's not gay at all.

Rachel

Blaine and I have a lot in common.

Kurt

A sentiment expressed by many a hag by many dating a gay.

Brittany

[looking at the audience] You guys, I'm really nervous. Ke$ha has been a culture icon for weeks and I really wanna do her music justice.

Sam

We haven't had enough rehearsal.

Mercedes

Or any at all.

Finn

And most of our assembly performances usually end in some kind of riot.

Rachel

Never fear, teammates. [hands plastic cups to everyone] Now it's a Broadway tradition for nervous performers to take a shot of whiskey before going on to calm their nerves and to mask the stench of bad dental hygiene. [pours her drink in each cup] In that tradition, I have mixed us a playful showbiz cocktail of what was left in my dad's liquor cabinet. There's some Brandy and Vermouth, Portwine, and Scotch in here and also some Kool-aid and some crumbled up Oreos.

Santana

Oh my God, this tastes like cough syrup.

Rachel

There's also cough syrup in here.

Cheers.

Rachel

To Ke$ha!

Figgins

And now, performing the hit song Tik and also Tok, by rapper Key-dollar-sign-ha, New Directions.

Brittany

[throws up on Rachel]

Brittany

Oh my God.

Rachel

[disgusted and leaves the stage]

Santana

[throws up also and coughs]

Brittany

Everybody drink responsibly.

Rachel

[finishes singing] It's called "Only Child".

Finn

Yeah, I got that. Uh...it's better than "My Headband". That's for sure. But it...feels like you're playing scared. You're only dealing with easy pain. You gotta get to the hard stuff. That's what's relatable to everybody.

Rachel

I'm perfectly capable to accessing my pain. I cry every time I sing a solo.

Finn

Exactly. When you sing, I can feel it. I guess you got to go inside yourself to wherever the singing comes from, and write from there.

Rachel

[sits next to Finn] Have you even ever tried to write a song?

Quinn

[voiceover while watching Rachel and Finn] Sometimes I worry about Finn. I mean, how damaged does a guy have to be, to be into some as annoying as Rachel? Still, he is a good guy and I do really like him. And he's my first love and first loves are forever. And another thing, without him I'm never going to get one of these. I know what you're thinking. "Prom queen? You're smart and super pretty and relatively sane for a girl. Does being prom queen really matter to you?" Well, it does. Prom queens live, on average, five years longer than regular people. It's probably because they smile all the time. And smiling has been proven to ward off diseases. But I can't do it without Finn. He's a shoo-in for prom king, and after winning the big game, he'll help me land crucial swing votes. Amazingly, the only person standing in my way is her and her damn talent. If I'm going to guarantee he doesn't stray with her, I'm going to have to play it right. They say keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. Well, Rachel Berry, you just got yourself a new best friend.

Mercedes

So what are we going to do now?

Rachel

I think we should write original songs for Regionals.

Santana

All those in favor of voting Rachel down a second time?

Quinn

[playing on the piano then stops when she sees Rachel] You're late.

Rachel

We're friends, right?

Quinn

Yeah, I guess so.

Rachel

I mean with everything that happened last year? You gave your baby to my mom. We kind of bonded over that.

Quinn

What's your point?

Rachel

My point is I know we haven't spent a lot of time together this year, but I thought we were close enough that we could be honest with each other.

Quinn

Go ahead, ask me.

Rachel

Fine. Are you and Finn together?

Quinn

Yes. It's been a couple of weeks. It's like Groundhog's Day with you, Rachel. How many times do you have to make the same mistake to realize it's not going to work out?

Rachel

Well, thank you for being honest with me, Quinn, and I'm happy for you and Finn, but don't go and try to rewrite history. It was real between us. He chose me over you.

Quinn

And how long did that last for?

Rachel

Why are you being so mean?

Quinn

[walks towards Rachel] Do you want to know how the story plays out? I get Finn, you get heartbroken, and then Finn and I stay here and start a family. I'll become a successful real estate agent and Finn will take over Kurt's dad's tire shop. [voice starts breaking] You don't belong here, Rachel. And you can't hate me for helping to send you on your way.

Rachel

I'm not giving up on Finn. It's not over between us.

Quinn

YES IT IS! You're so frustrating! And that is why you can't write a good song, because you live in this little school girl fantasy of life. Rachel, if you keep looking for that happy ending, you are never going to get it right. So we're done with that and why don't we just return to our work?

Finn

Hey, break a leg.

Rachel

Last time we were here you told me you loved me.

Finn

I really like your song.

Rachel

Listen carefully because, I mean every word of it.

Rachel

[to Sunshine] You're a terrible spy.

Artie

Seriously, with your size, you could easily sit in the air ducts for days.

I'm not a spy. I heard about your benefit concert on Facebook and I wanted to preform. I know what it feels like to be an academic decathlon. No one pays attention to you. No one cares. It's not right. We studied so hard.

Quinn

Yeah but you're with Vocal Adrenaline. How do we know we can trust you?

Because I have nothing against all of you. I have 600 Twitter followers. I can get them all to come.

Finn

How many tickets have we sold so far?

Four. No one's interested. It's sad.

Please, just let me show you what I can do. I would like to sing the perfect song of neglect, All By Myself. I'm such a better singer than everyone else so I know how it feels. I'm all alone at the top. Also, I'm really short, so even when I'm in a group of people I feel like I'm wandering alone in a forest.

Rachel

There's no way she's singing in our auditorium, okay? She's the enemy.

I say we give her chance. I mean, you owe her Rachel. You sent her to a freakin' crackhouse.

Rachel

[sighs exasperatedly]

Rachel

Are you saying you want to be carried in in a giant egg?

Lauren

[whispers to Mercedes and Mercedes smiles] We'll get back to you.

Finn

What's that saying? The show's gotta go all over the place or something.

Rachel

You mean the show's got to go on.