Rachel Berry quotes from Glee

Rachel

Hey, I have something I want to talk to you about.

Kurt

Please, not another pregnancy.

Rachel

I think you and I are a little more similar than you might think.

Kurt

That's a terrible thing to say.

Rachel

I know you are lonely.

Kurt

[stopped moving for a moment]

Rachel

I can't even imagine how hard it must be to have feelings in high school that you can't act on for fear or being humiliated or ridiculed or worse. We're gonna win nationals this year, and you know how we're gonnna do that?

Kurt

... ?

Rachel

Because we have you.

Kurt

That's true...

Rachel

That's 12 people who love you just for being exactly the way that you are. Look, I know you're lonely, but you're not alone. So, I was wondering if you would may be want to sing a duet with me, I think you'll be really happy with my song selection. It's sort of everything that both you and I love.

Kurt

But the duet competition is over.

Rachel

I know. I thought this one could be for me and you.

Finn

I don't know what's going in this script and it's not in a cool Inception way.

Rachel

Just try it, okay? Okay, so they take off our wet clothes and we do the rest of the scene in our underwear.

Finn

Wait, I'm in my tighty whities?

Rachel

Yeah.

Finn

I can't be on stage in front of the whole school in my tighty whities. They're gonna be able to see my whole business.

Will

And action! [Music starts and the elevator starts going down]

Rachel

[walking backwards to the elevator with Finn] Oh Brad, let's get out of here! I'm cold, I'm wet and I'm just plain scared!

Finn

Well I'm here. There's nothing to worry about.

Mercedes

[turns around and opens the elevator door]

Rachel

[turns to Mercedes] Ahhh! [faints]

Rachel

I'm sorry, what exactly did we do?

Finn

No, it's us, the boys.

Mike

And Tina.

Will

[turns around and sees everyone as little kids] Okay, I definitely have a fever.

Looking good Puckerman. Someone's been eating their Wheaties.

[kisses his muscles] These guns are fully loaded.

Young Rachel

Mr Schue? I for one think we should use our set list for Sectionals to explore the ouevre of one Bernadette Peters.

Young Brittany

Someday, I'm going to Paris to visit the Oeuvre.

Young Mike

I just want to dance.

Young Mercedes

Mr. Schuester? You look a little green.

Rachel

[Writes "Me" on the board] Class, in Mr. Schuester's absence I'd like to go around and ask everyone what songs you want me to perform at Sectionals.

Santana

You know what? Let me at her! Tu eres loca!

Rachel

Did I just hear something about a substitute? [slips and falls]

Yes! It works!

Rachel

[gets up and fixes herself] Well, at least I didn't fall and break my talent. I'm fine.

Holly

Hey Rachel!

Rachel

Hello, Ms. Holiday. I'd like you know that I have a very severe bruise on my right buttocks from your game of gansta rap musical chairs. I'll be going on record with the school nurse later today.

Rachel

Ladies, the Kurt/Karofsky bullying situation is getting way out of control. Kurt's miserable. He's losing weight and not in a good way and he's barely fighting me for solos anymore.

Tina

We've all been teased but something about what Karofsky's doing is so much worse.

Rachel

We're all lucky enough to have boyfriends on the football team. I say we band together and demand that they confront Karofsky.

Quinn

Okay, first of all, I'm not dating Sam. And second of all, I think you set the feminist movement back fifty years.

Rachel

Look, guys like Karofsky only respond to muscle.

Quinn

So, we're going to fight violence with violence?

Rachel

No! Look I'm not saying that we should hit him, I'm saying that we need to defend Kurt and there's strength in numbers.

Tina

So I'm confused. [Turns to Brittany] Are you and Artie officially dating now?

Brittany

Deal with it. When you guys ever fooled around, did he ever just, like, lie there?

Santana

[Walks in] Why didn't you tell me we were having a Glee girls meeting?

Rachel

This is a meeting for Glee girls with boyfriends. We're going to make them stop Karofsky from bullying Kurt.

Santana

Okay, I'm dating Puckerman.

Quinn

You're getting naked with Puckerman.

Tina

Besides, Puck can't mess with Karofsky. He's on probation. If he gets in a fight with him, he'll be sent back to juvee.

Rachel

Mm-hmm. So now if you'll excuse us.

Santana

[scoffs] You're so on my list, dwarf. [leaves]

Rachel

Look if something bad happens to Kurt and we didn't do anything to stop it, we'll never be able to live with ourselves.

Finn

Karofsky plays right guard. If he gets pissed at me, I'm gonna get sacked more times than Jay Cutler, which means we're gonna lose, which means Beiste is gonna make Sam quarterback.

Rachel

Is being quarterback more important to you than helping out the kid who's gonna be your stepbrother?

Finn

We both know I can help him more if I stay on top. Kurt's gonna be fine. Rachel, I'm sorry, I want to, but I can't.

Rachel

I've never been so disappointed in you before.

Rachel

Wait.

Finn

What?

Rachel

I have to tell you something... I never had sex with Jesse. I-I lied... to make you jealous. But this is good, because now neither of us have done it, we can save it, for each other.

Finn

Awesome.

Finn

If she found out, she'd break up with me.

Santana

And that would be bad because?

Finn

Because I'm in love with her and I don't wanna hurt her feelings.

Santana

Don't you see that that midget is like an anchor dragging you down to the depths of Loserville?

Finn

Stop it, Santana, that's my girlfriend! I think you should leave.

Santana

[Gets up] Okay. Well, maybe I'll tell her. I mean, if you two broke up, we'd be free to see each other, right?

Rachel

[Walks in] Hey. What are you guys doing?

Santana

Nothing. I was just leaving.

Rachel

Aren't you going to tell me how pretty I look?

Finn

You look amazing.

Rachel

What?

Finn

I... I just really love you.

Rachel

I love you, too.

Rachel

You need something much more personal than that. This is about you. Do you ever fantasize about your own funeral?

Kurt

No.

Rachel

I do. Finn throwing himself into the grave out of grief and all of the heartfelt speeches and regrets.

Kurt

That's insane.

Rachel

Clearly, no one in the Glee Club appreciates me. Is it so wrong for me to fantasize about them finally realizing how amazing I am, but it being too late?

Rachel

What I meant to say was, "wow, that really sucks. I'm sure you were really good."

Kurt

I was. I mean, I think I was. Being in The Warblers has really made me question everything I thought about myself.

Rachel

Yeah, what has become of us, Kurt? ...So, do you miss us?

Kurt

I do. Being a Warbler is great, but I don't think they appreciate my individuality as much as you guys did, and I can't help but think that I let you guys down.

Rachel

It's your life, Kurt, and you weren't safe at Mckinley any more, and we all get it.

Kurt

How come you were never this nice to me before?

Rachel

You were my only REAL competition.

Kurt

[smiles] True, true.