Lorelai Gilmore quotes from Gilmore Girls

Lorelai

Hey, I have a huge dilemma that I need your opinion on!

Rory

[annoyed] What?

Lorelai

Am I more beautiful today than I was yesterday?

Rory

Oh boy.

Lorelai

I'm just not sure. 'Cause at first, I looked in the mirror and I thought, 'Yes, definitely a huge improvement!'

Rory

Can I have my pillow back?

Lorelai

And then I thought, 'Maybe it's not that I'm more beautiful today, maybe I was just as beautiful yesterday, only I lacked the self-esteem to recognize it!'

Rory

Where's my tie?

Lorelai

In your drawer?

Rory

I'm looking in the drawer.

Lorelai

Mm, check the living room.

Rory

Why would my tie be in the living room?

Lorelai

Because it's been seeing the doily on the coffee table. I'm sorry, I did not want you to find out this way!

Lorelai

[finding Rory at her parents' house] So, last time I saw you, you said 'I'll see you at home.' You want to fill in the blanks?

Rory

I don't know. I just had to get out, go anywhere.

Lorelai

So you picked Hell?

Lorelai

[on the phone] Hmm, what are you wearing?

Max

Nothing.

Lorelai

You must be very popular.

Max

And chilly.

Lorelai

That's right. You are. You're fixing my porch rail. . . . At six thirty in the morning!

Luke

It was the only time I could do it.

Lorelai

Why? Why?

Luke

It was broken. I noticed last time I was here. It could hurt somebody.

Lorelai

Luke, we sleep around here. Okay, we like it. It makes us pretty and keeps us from killing our crazy friends.

Luke

You're gonna wake the neighbors.

Lorelai

UGH! Could you pound one more thing while you're out here? Your head! And a for-sale sign on the lawn because we're moving. So that's two things. The sign and your head. And in that order 'cause otherwise you'll be too dizzy to do the sign thing.

Lorelai

The freaking Blue Man Group is outside our house!

Rory

I was sleeping through it!

Lorelai

It had to have woken you up.

Rory

No my insane mother, Margot Kidder Gilmore, woke me up.

Taylor

All right, the nays have it. Let the record reflect it. Lorelai, I hope that's not food in those bags. Food is not allowed at town meetings.

Lorelai

No, Taylor it's not. It's, um, diapers for the little ones.

Taylor

What?

Lorelai

Dorsal fins and Cucamonga!

Taylor

What did she say?

Lorelai

[to Max] I confuse him till he loses his train of thought and then he moves on. Hot dog?

Rory

You should walk down the aisle to Frank Sinatra, with a huge bouquet of something that smells really good.

Lorelai

Pot roast!

Rory

How am I supposed to get into Harvard if I have no wilderness skills?

Lorelai

I don't know honey. Maybe you'll have to give up your dream of majoring in Logging.

Lorelai

Boy, they keep making that ketchup slower and slower, huh?

Luke

It's the Heinz family's little joke.

Rory

If the house was burning down, what would you save first, the cake or me?

Lorelai

Not fair! The cake doesn't have legs!

Lorelai

Hm, that Chilton has taught you some big words.

Rory

That's kind of the point.

Lorelai

They're taller.

Rory

Not this again.

Lorelai

There's more of them.

Rory

Mom, the flowers on the wallpaper are not growing or reproducing.

Jess

[about Luke] What, are you sleeping with him or something?

Lorelai

Excuse me?

Jess

I don't know, the whole starry eyed "you're so much better off, just give it a chance" speech... You're either really naive, or you're getting some.

Lorelai

Ugh. There have been very few moments in my life where I have actually wished I had one of those enormous cream pies you can just smash in someone's face, but this is definitely one of them.

Luke

What are you doing talking to him about stuff like that?!

Lorelai

I'm trying to help you.

Luke

I don't need your help!

Lorelai

Uh, yeah you do.

Luke

Oh, here we go again with this "I'm not prepared for this" crap!

Lorelai

This is not crap, this is the truth! Luke, you should've heard him talking.

Luke

I don't need to hear him talking, he's my nephew and I know what I'm doing. And I'm getting a little tired of your condescending-

Lorelai

I am not being condescending!

Luke

Oh, you have a kid, so you know everything, right?

Lorelai

I have a kid, so yeah, I know a little more than you do.

Luke

You know, you ever think maybe you just got lucky with Rory? I mean, you did get pregnant at sixteen! That doesn't show the greatest decision making skills, now does it?

Lorelai

Wow... two pies.

Luke

What the hell you talking about?