Lorelai Gilmore quotes from Gilmore Girls

Rory

Before I knew it, Grandma was telling me how important it is for a person to be properly presented to society.

Lorelai

Ugh!

Rory

And how every young girl dreams of this day.

Lorelai

Argh!

Rory

And how there are flowers.

Lorelai

Oh, Lord!

Rory

And music.

Lorelai

Please!

Rory

And cake.

Lorelai

Oh yeah, the cake's actually good.

Rory

And when I got back from Grandpa's office, they all invited me out onto the patio.

Lorelai

No no no, please tell me you did not go out onto the patio.

Rory

I went out onto the patio.

Lorelai

Ugh, Rory, that's like accepting the position as the drummer in Spinal Tap.

Lorelai

I swear, there is nothing in the world my mother is better at than getting someone to agree to something that in any other universe, they would never ever consider.

Rory

Mom.

Lorelai

I am still convinced she had something to do with Lily Tomlin doing that movie with John Travolta

Lorelai

See; now only a lady can gracefully walk around a room with a book on her head while eating Kung pow chicken. I mean a great lady can even spit the peanuts back into the container without anyone noticing.

Rory

Wow!

Lorelai

Yeah, well don't be intimidated. You have to practice and practice to get to my level.

Rory

Anyone want the last egg roll?

Dean

Err...no!

Lorelai

Hey, where are you going?

Rory

To get the last egg roll.

Lorelai

Getting the egg roll yourself?

Rory

Yes!

Lorelai

No, ladies never get their own egg rolls, ladies never get their own anything they don't even get their own ideas.

Rory

Oh boy!

Lorelai

They just sit helplessly and wait for some young strong man to come by and assist them. They don't step in puddles, they don't step over puddles, and they can't even look at puddles. They actually need to be blindfolded and thrown in a sack and carried over puddles.

Rory

Isn't there a moratorium on how long ladies are supposed to talk?

Lorelai

Err…no! Now repeat after me "I am completely helpless".

Christopher

May I have this dance?

Lorelai

I don't know. Do you have a trust fund? Always make sure.

Lorelai

Ugh, they totally just snuck that modeling thing in.

Rory

Hmm, my mom's a model. Maybe you'll get to date Leonardo DiCaprio now.

Lorelai

Plus, now I have to plan the whole stupid thing.

Rory

"Lorelai Gilmore". Nope, doesn't sound model-y enough. You need something that stands out more. How about "Waffle"? We could call you Waffle and say you're from Belgium.

Lorelai

Okay, I'm crabby, I need to do something about it. [on phone] Hey Mom!

Emily

Well, hello.

Lorelai

So I went to my first Booster meeting last night, did Bitty tell you?

Emily

No, she did not.

Lorelai

Oh, well, maybe she's still stuck under that desk. You might want to send someone out there to look.

Emily

Well, it's certainly nice to hear you finally getting involved.

Lorelai

Yes, in fact we're planning a charity fashion show next weekend, and I volunteered to organize it.

Emily

Well, good for you.

Lorelai

Yes, and since I know how concerned you are about how Rory's perceived at Chilton, I knew you'd want to be involved somehow, so you're gonna be one of the models.

Emily

Excuse me?

Lorelai

Yeah, so it's next Saturday, be there at four, and we'll provide hair and makeup.

Emily

Lorelai, you can't be serious.

Lorelai

Oh, and we'll need your measurements also.

Emily

This is ridiculous.

Lorelai

Mom. You said you wanted me to be involved. Well, I'm involved now. Don't you want to do your part to ensure Rory's future?

Emily

All right.

Lorelai

Start measuring.

Rory

You feel better now?

Lorelai

Waffle's very happy.

Lorelai

That's what you got busted for, ringing a bell?

Rory

Yeah, mm hmm.

Lorelai

That's it? Bell ringing?

Rory

Yes.

Lorelai

Uh, were you at least smoking a Cuban cigar while you were doing it?

Rory

Mom.

Lorelai

No, I mean, bad girl. How many times have I told you not to ring bells?

Taylor

This goes well beyond a head of lettuce, young man. The charges against your nephew are numerous. He stole the 'save the bridge' money.

Luke

He gave that back.

Taylor

He stole a gnome from Babette's garden.

Luke

Pierpont was also returned.

Miss Patty

He hooted one of my dance classes.

He took a garden hose from my yard.

My son said he set off the fire alarms at school last week.

Lorelai

I heard he controls the weather and wrote the screenplay for Glitter!

Lorelai

Very tasty. New cook?

Emily

Yes, Marisella. She’s introduced us to some wonderful dishes so charmingly specific to her native country.

Lorelai

What country is she from?

Emily

One of those little ones next to Mexico.

Lorelai

How charmingly specific.

Lorelai

What?! Why?

Rory

Because, Paris wants the first issue back to be a double issue, so we have to prep over break, and… she says the news never sleeps.

Lorelai

What about Paris? Does she ever sleep?

Rory

I think she periodically makes a whirring noise and then just shuts down.

Lorelai

[after the original Bracebridge Dinner is cancelled] Let's invite everyone!

Sookie

Everyone who?

Lorelai

Everyone everyone!

Sookie

Everyone everyone who?

Lorelai

Everyone we know, everyone we like...

Sookie

Let's invite everyone!

Lorelai

An out of control, over the top slumber party!

Sookie

I love it!

Rory

Me too!

Lorelai

Done! Spread the word.

Luke

I haven't said I'd come yet so I'm certainly not gonna suddenly become your messenger boy. [Lorelai gives him a glaring look] Eight o'clock?

Lorelai

Seven.

Luke

Right.

Luke

Gotta say sleigh rides are a little much but these horses are really beautiful.

Lorelai

[sitting behind the horse] Yes, especially from this angle.

Luke

Not just from this angle.

Lorelai

No, seriously don't back track. The horse has got a nice butt there.

Luke

That's not what I'm saying.

Lorelai

Nice firm hinie.

Luke

Stop talking about the horse's hinie.

Lorelai

Hey Mom, you didn't make it back to the room last night. Did you get lucky?

Emily

Could you be any cruder?

Lorelai

Yeah, I could be cruder. Hey Mom, did you get lai...

Rory

Thanks for coming!

Rory

One sec. You know Mom, I hate to bring this up, but I think there's a really obvious solution to our problem.

Lorelai

I know hon.

Rory

You do?

Lorelai

Yes. And frankly, I think if I sold you into white slavery, I would miss you.

Lorelai

You are not seriously sitting there.

Emily

No. It's a hologram. Lifelike, isn't it?