Lorelai Gilmore quotes from Gilmore Girls

Michel

For the last two weeks I've been drinking 2% Milk in my coffee every single day!!

Lorelai

Insert gasp here.

Michel

That's two full weeks of two cups of coffee every day. It used to be one cup but then the coffee started tasting so good I added an afternoon jolt. And now I've found out that I've been consuming an extra billion calories a day.

Lorelai

At least it's not affecting your ability to do math. [To Sookie] Isn't this bouncing bothering you?

Sookie

It was but now it's like having a Beyoncè video on.

Emily

Plus I think he had a gun in his pocket.

Lorelai

Maybe he was just happy to see you.

Lorelai

No mom, that's not a car, that's a rap video set.

Emily

I ordered it especially because it's got the darkest windows available. They said its the car that Jay-Z uses when he's in town. I assume that's some sort of entertainer.They kept telling me it's got bulletproof windows. As if that's a selling point!

Emily

Maureen this is my daughter Lorelai. She has a headache. They tend to make her babble.

Oh I'm sorry. Would you like some aspirin?

Lorelai

Oh no thanks I'm ok. I've had the headache for 38 years.

Rory

You're grounded!

Lorelai

Sorry, Mom! Kimmy saw this guy at the mall, who was a total Chachi and he bought us a Slurpee and we totally lost track of time.

Rory

I called you twice! I left messages. I called the national guard, who didn't answer because they're all in Baghdad.

Lorelai

Well, I just checked my messages.

Rory

I won't be ignored, Dan!

Lorelai

What's this?

Richard

Don't touch that!

Lorelai

Oh my God! It's weapons of mass destruction! Quick! Get the president on the phone! If he's not in the oval office, try the ice cream room!

Lorelai

Voices in my head... totally normal, right?

What?

Lorelai

There's only two. That speak English.

So, what are you gonna do? Only you can make you wait. Nobody else can. You need to decide what you want and what you're willing to give up to get it. And then you've got to be okay with that. Or you've got to be okay with waiting.

Lorelai

I could lose him if I push too hard.

You don't really seem to have him now, at least not the way you want to have him. You won't get anything unless you ask for it. Then if you ask for it and you don't get it, maybe it wasn't worth having in the first place. Some things are just never meant to be. No matter how much we wish they were.

Lorelai

I can only imagine what you could do if you had a couch.

Luke

Hell, you were going so fast-

Lorelai

Yeah, that's me! I'm fast...I'm the perfect storm of caffeine and genetics. Ha!

Sookie

We are the champions - my friends And we'll keep on fighting - till the end - We are the champions - We are the champions! No time for losers... Oh! I'm a fantastic arm wrestler. You know what I think did it? Whisking! All these years of whisking has given me incredible forearm strength. People are always like why take the time to hand whip fresh cream? And I've always been like I don't know why I do it, it's just something I do. But now I know, because I've been training for this day. I mean, Wow! I am strong. And the omelet flipping definitely is part of it. You know when you use one of those really heavy cast iron skillets and you 'flip, flip.' I mean, that's all in the wrist you know? And that's what they say, you know, that's what people say about arm wrestling too, that it's all in the wrist, and Man I have super bionic super power super wrists! I mean who knew I possessed such...Honey? Something's wrong huh?

Lorelai

Yeah.

Rory

Well, you know, I guess we don't have to talk about...stuff. Yeah..

Lorelai

Who say we always have to be talking? We can not talk!

Rory

Course We can.

Lorelai

Okay, we should probably talk about how we're not gonna talk cuz I don't think we should just go right into it.

Lorelai

This pile is Luke's stuff. This pile is stuff that reminds me of Luke.

Rory

What's that pile?

Lorelai

That's Babette's intimates.

Rory

Oh. Of course.

Lorelai

I mean, how would I pass the time until my one and only offspring, the fruit of my loins…

Rory

Too early.

Lorelai

… loin-fruit that she is, straggled out of bed to grace me with her presence? But then I asked myself, "WWTBFCD?", and it came to me in a flash: I'm gonna make waffles!

Rory

"What would the Barefoot Contessa do?".

Lorelai

Exactly.

Rory

Barefoot's one word.

Lorelai

Shut up, loin-fruit.

Rory

I see you feng-shui'ed the furniture.

Lorelai

It was so un-feng-shui'ed before, it was ridiculous! Here — to document our journey.

Rory

Xie-xie!

Lorelai

Oh! God bless you.

Rory

That's "thank you" in Mandarin.

Rory

Well just tell them real quick. Like ripping a band-aid off.

Lorelai

Ripping a band-aid off that's been super glued, stapled, and surgically imbedded in my arm.

Rory

Just tell them and we can move on. We can talk about more pleasant things like the Middle East.