O' cruel fate, to be thusly boned! Ask not for whom the bone bones - it bones for thee.
S3Godfellas
That galaxy is signaling in binary. I should signal back, but I only know enough binary to ask where the bathroom is. You speak English?
I do now.
[Prof. Farnsworth is searching for Bender with his Smelloscope]
Anything yet, professor?
I'm afraid the Smelloscope can't locate Bender. His fragrance is too mild. It's being overwhelmed by local sources.
[Everyone looks at Zoidberg]
Hooray! People are paying attention to me.
So do you know I'm going to do something before I do it?
Yes.
What if I do something else?
Then I don't know that.
MMalachi
My Lord, the infidels on your back no longer believe in you. They say their prayers go unheeded.
Of course they go unheeded! How am I supposed to hear prayers coming out of my ass?
Hmm...finding God. That's important, yeah. But you know what might be a treat for everyone? If you let me use the telescope to find my lost friend Bender.
M1Monk #1
I don't know what to say, other than... absolutely not! Sure, your loss is a tragedy, but our work...
Come on, you guys have forever to look for God. All I'm asking is one measly lifetime to find my friend.
M2Monk #2
He speaks out of love for his friend. Perhaps that love in his heart is God.
M1Monk #1
Oh, how convenient! A way of looking for God that doesn't require looking through a telescope. Get back to work!
Oh, no, the monks! We forgot to let them out of the laundry room.
Do we have to? They're monks, after all. I'm sure their God will let them out, or at least give them more shoes to eat.
Fat chance! You can't count on God for jack! He pretty much told me so Himself. Now, come on. If we don't free those monks, no one will.
So that's my story, Father Changstein el Gamahl. Is there anything religion can do?
FCFather Changstein el Gamahl
Well, we could join together in prayer.
Uh-huh, but is there anything useful we can do?
FCFather Changstein el Gamahl
No.
S3Future Stock
DNDefrosted Neanderthal
As a caveman frozen in a glacier, I faced different challenges. [crying] The hardest thing was seeing my wife on display in the British Museum.
TGThat Guy
There are two kinds of people: sheep and sharks. Anyone who is a sheep is fired. Who's a sheep?
Errr, excuse me... which is the one people like to hug?
TGThat Guy
Gutsy question. You're a shark.
Question. Do you have to have been cryogenically frozen to get the free... [the guy closes the door on his face] You didn't let me finish! I was going to say "to get the free food".
I'll ruin you like I ruined this company!
Zoidberg owned 51% of the company?
The shares were worthless, and he kept asking for toilet paper!
This isn't a business. I've always thought of it more of a source of cheap labour, like a family.
We can't compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil! Ours is small and neutral!
TGThat Guy
Switzerland is small and neutral! We're more like Germany, ambitious and misunderstood!
Look, everyone wants to be like Germany, but do we really have the pure strength of will?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Futurama pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.