Start the ship, Leela! Let's just steal the dish and get back to our own time.
But won't that change history?
Oooh, a lesson in not changing history from "Mr. I'm-My-Own-Grandpa"!
S3Roswell That Ends Well
PTPresident Truman
Whistlin' Dixie! I want this sent to Area 51 for study.
GGeneral
But Sir, that's where we are building the fake moon landing site.
PTPresident Truman
Then we'll have to really land on the moon! Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies! [In the Interrogation Room, Zoidberg is tied to a chair, smiling benignly and more than a bit creepily. Truman sits opposite him with the general and other man behind him] If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed. If you're here to make war, we surrender.
Oh, I'm sorry. Now I'll axe you again. Where is the mi-cro-wave?
SSalesman
Sir, your wife is hysterical, so I'll address this to you. This oven is lightning-fast. It only takes five hours to cook a pot roast.
Ooh, that's good news! You know, you don't cook enough roasts, Leela.
[Leela turns on stove, setting the Professor's tie on fire]
[to salesman] Women!
GGeneral
What's your purpose?
Alright, officer, I'll move it along.
MOMilitary Official
What the general means is, why did you come to Earth?
Not a day goes by I don't ask myself the same question.
Well, settle in. Without a microwave, we're stuck in this time period.
Oh, Lord! We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, and then the terrible tragedy of his death.
Fry, stop interfering with history! I don't wanna have to memorize a lot of new kings when I get back.
I had no choice. I was about to not exist. I could feel myself fading away, like Greg Kinnear.
She sure is pretty. You ought to marry her and father some children right away.
EEnos
Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling you're only going with girls 'cause you're supposed to?
What?! Don't ever, ever say or think that again!
[after Fry accidentally kills his grandfather] And you...are...outta here!
What the hell have you done, Fry?
Relax! She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out.
Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look!
MMildred
[wearing glasses and knitting] Come back to bed, deary.
[screams] It's impossible! I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather?
Isn't it obvious?
[Fry shakes his head.]
You are!
S3Godfellas
Make Bender take a nap in a tube! [removes the torpedo] Come back when I had some sleep, baby.
[noticing she mistook Bender for an actual torpedo] That's not Torpedo #3! That's not Torpedo #3 at all!
You know, I was God once.
Yes, I saw. You were doing well, until everyone died.
Bender, being God isn't easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you, and if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch. Like a safecracker, or a pickpocket.
Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money!
Yes, if you make it look like an electrical thing. When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.
Look, I miss Bender almost half as much as you do, but you can't bring him back this way! It's hopeless!
You can't give up hope just because it is hopeless! You gotta hope even more, and cover your ears, and go: "Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah!"
Well, you obviously won't listen to reason... So I guess I'll listen to idioticness and come with you.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Futurama pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.