You know, Zapp, someone ought to teach you a lesson.
If it's a lesson in love, watch out. I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What did I call it, Kif?
Ugh... sexlexia.
S2War Is the H-Word
Dammit, Kif! Where's the little umbrella? That's what makes it as scotch on the rocks.
SSoldier
This is the worst part. The calm before the battle.
And then the battle's not so bad?
SSoldier
Oh right. I forgot about the battle. [whimpers]
[To Bender] Wait, If you say the A-word, this planet will blow straight up to the H-word.
RNRichard Nixon's Head
Accompaning you will be our top peace negotiator, Henry Kissinger.
HKHenry Kissinger's Head
How are you?
Is he any good?
RNRichard Nixon's Head
Looking like that, he talked his way into Jill St. John's bed. Enough said.
That young man fills me with hope. Plus some other emotions which are weird and deeply confusing.
I'm de-promoting you, soldier. Kif, what's the most humiliating job there is?
Being your assistant.
Wrong. Being your assistant.
Oh, god, I've never been so happy to be beaten up by a woman.
Let's do it again sometime.
[On a bouncing ball.] At last, war has made me into a man... Wee!
[last lines]
We think it's better if you don't know.
Oh, come on, I'm not gonna say it. Please? Oh, is it "please"?
Nope.
Hmm...words I never say...oh, I know: "Thanks"!
Bender, stop trying to destroy the world!
Is it "sorry"? No. "Funder-ful". Umm... "non-alcoholic"? "Compassion"? "Shrimp toast"? "Antiquing?" [lightning flashes, cuts to end credits] I'm alright!
S2The Honking
RVRobot Villager #1
Some say unholy things happen up there.
RVRobot Villager #2
For example, all of us say that.
Pfft! Supersticious robot mumbo-jumbo!
RVRobot Villager #2
Mumbo, perhaps. Jumbo, perhaps not.
WRWill Reader
To my lazy, spoiled son Tandy, who never understood the value of a dollar, I leave my entire $20 million fortune.
TTandy
[whispers to girlfriend] Is that a lot?
That painting! The eyes are watching me!
[The Professor moves his drink in front of the painting. The painting's eyes follow it]
It has motorized sensors attached to motion detectors.
So does my butt, but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although...
Just as I suspected. These robots were buried in improperly-shielded coffins. Their programming leaked into the castles wiring through this old, abandoned modem allowing them to project themselves as holograms.
Of course! It was so obvious!
Yes, that sequence of words I said made perfect sense.
We're all scared, it's the human condition. Why do you think I put on this tough guy facade?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Futurama pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.