Good news! All these pine trees are fighting global warming by producing oxygen. Happy now, Gore?
AGAl Gore's Head
Yeah. But I'd be happier if I had a set of lungs.
S6The Futurama Holiday Spectacular
What's that loud, boring sound you'll hear when I stop talking?
[gasps] It's an albino humping worm!
Why do they call it that?
[The ship begins to rock back and forth]
Because it doesn't have any pigment.
AGAl Gore's Head
Don't worry, the Futurama crew will be back next year with new episodes, starring Bender, Leela, and me, Al Gore, as Captain Lance Starman.
RNRichard Nixon's Head
That's what my poll numbers need: Happy voters enjoying some holiday cheer.
DCDick Cheney's Head
As your Vice President, I order you to steal that tree.
Do you not give a damn about the hallowed traditions of Robanukah?!
HHoschel
I reckon I do not. Anyways, Earth done run out of petroleum oil.
AGAl Gore's Head
I tried to warn you. [to Hoschel] One unit of free limitless solar power please.
[Hoschel steps out of the sun. He smiles when it reaches full power.]
HHoschel
That'll be... I dunno... ten bucks?
AGAl Gore's Head
Um, can you make change for a Nobel Prize?
Can someone please explain how you celebrate this crazy holiday? Preferably in song?
[singing] It's the violentest season of the year.
EElf
Old Kringle-bot has come to spread some mugs of Xmas fear.
Sugar-plummy visions will be dancing in your head
When I cane you from the comfort of my sled.
On Xmas Eve, we don our gay apparel,
Kevlar vests, asbestos stockings and a barrel.
Prof. Farnsworth': And if Grandma's Xmas fruitcake finally reaches critical mass,
It can be re-gifted straight to Santa's ass.
But the ornamental armaments are merely superficial,
The tinsel and the trappings are just icing on the missile.
The one thing that you need to make your Xmas day splendiferous
Is a pine tree; a pine tree that's coniferous.
We have to have a pine tree as coniferous.
[flies away] You're welcome.
I've placed instruments under your seats. Play 'em or I'll break 'em over your heads!
[Fry gets out a holophonor; the Professor, a fiddle; and Dr. Zoidberg, an accordion, and start playing klezmer music.]
Bender': [singing] Robanukah may sound as if it's Jewish,
But its ancient sounding customs are exceptionally newish.
So take a hearty swallow from your robo-kiddish cup,
Which will give me time to quickly make them up.
Do you spin a dreidel made from clay?
Bender': Mine is called a droidel and it's rigged to make you pay.
Do you eat these yummy tin-wrapped chocolate coins?
Bender': Better!
We got fembots with illegal five-speed groins!
Shalom, Ruth and Esther!
RRuth
Why with the music so loud?
EEsther
Would it kill him to turn up the heat a little in here?
Bender': But by far the most important thing is oil.
To keep the lamp light burning or to help the latkes broil?
Bender': No, we pour the holy lubricant out from the sacred vessel
Into this blessed pit so they can wrestle.
The extra made-up touch that makes Robanukah so special
Is the oil in which the nasty fembots wrestle.
[Hermes and LaBarbara provide backup on kalimba and drum respectively.]
KBKwanzaa-bot
The seven basic principles that go to make up Kwanzaa!
So sit yo' asses down and have some knowledge dropped upons ya!
Kujichagulia...
BSBarbados Slim and Bubblegum Tate
And umoja...
And the rest.
Now we get it!
KBKwanzaa-bot
Sit back down! There's gonna be a test.
My favorite's ujamaa.
BTBubblegum Tate
Cooperative economics.
KBKwanzaa-bot
[to Dwight] Yo, boondocks, I'm talkin' here! Put away the comics!
Ku'umba is another one, it stands for creativity.
BSBarbados Slim
Like the ever-changing nature of my sexual proclivities. [starts coming on to Zoidberg]
KBKwanzaa-bot
I think there's one called "nia," but I don't speak Swahili,
Sumthin' 'bout a pine tree and a oil-wrestlin' dealy?
That's from Xmas and Robanukah, you plagiarizing lout!
KBKwanzaa-bot
Yeah, I'm kinda losin' interest here. I'd best be rollin' out.
But before I go, the most important thing...
What's that, Black Santa?
KBKwanzaa-bot
You need seven Kwanzaa candles that you light up every night.
But they best be made of beeswax or y'all might as well be white.
[writing on notepads] They must be made of beeswax or we might as well be white.
S6Neutopia
It would've been nice to shop at Tommy Hilfiger one last time.
HHattie
It wasn't Tommy Hilfi-gigger. It was Linens 'n' Things!
PPetunia
The hell it was! It was a Juicy Couture!
I guess we all saw what we wanted to see.
Wait. Why didn't that hurt? [stretches pants to check] Aggghhh! My wing-wang's gone!
My girls!
My antenna!
HHattie
My kajigger!
My gonopores!
[slight pause in compilcation]
Look it up.
Give us back our genitals!
RARock Alien
Is that you, Borax Kid? I've got your fifty bucks. Oh, it's you. Why do you want your genders? You seem happier without them.
Being human's not about being happy, it's about loving and fighting and that Rasta McNasty we were doing last night, ha ha. We want that back!
Never bet against me being stupid!
Well, it was a lot of hard work, but it beats posing in skimpy, demeaning outfits.
Here are your skimpy, demeaning stewardress uniforms.
Mmm, you're cooking me back fat bacon.
That's not back fat bacon! That's your back fat bakin'!
I got your distress call and came here as soon as I wanted to.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Futurama pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.