TV show quotes
I order you to dispose of that toxic waste properly or bribe me. Either way, it'll cost you $500.
500 real dollars? That's an outrage! Professor, I can take care of that waste for only $499 and one hundred cents.
Hmm, I know that's a rip, but I'll pay for the convenience.
Isn't there anything more you can tell me?
Nothing that wouldn't be a waste of your time.
That is impossible, because my time is worthless.
[Leela emerges from the mutagenic lake with an octopus on her head]
The lake didn't mutate me. What is going on here?
It worked for me. I used to be a little blonde girl named Virginia.
Am I a game to you?! Or some kind of even more boring Truman Show?!
Leela, don't shoot!
But they killed my parents!
Close!
[Fry removes the hoods from the mutants, revealing that they are in fact Cyclopses]
They are my parents!
Isn't that the same machine that makes noses?
It can do other things, why shouldn't it?
[Bender and Planet Express Ship are arguing over using tax money to fund controversial art.]
Would you censor the Venus de Venus just because you can see her spewers?
Ugh, it's filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we're at it?!
Why not indeed?!
Bender! Ship! Stop bickering or I'm going to come back there and change your opinions manually!
I saw you at Elzar's with those two "ladies of the evening." Explain that.
Okay, I like a challenge. [thinks for a second] Ah! I got it. I'm going to be completely honest with you, Planet Express Ship. Those women you saw me with were my accountants.
Your accountants? Oh, I would dearly love to believe that were true. So I will!
Knowing which pickup lines fizzle, and which ones sizzle keeps us on the cutting edge of flirtation technology!
Is heaven missing an angel? Because you've got nice cans!
[Test subject eyes dummy in annoyance]
My two favorite things are commitment and changing myself.
[Test subject brings the dummy into a deep embrace]
Does that dummy have a brother?
What is this emotion you humans call "wuv?"
Surely it says "love."
No, "wuv," with an earth w. Behold!
This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!
You could have picked a better time to break up with the ship, Bender.
Ah, the moment felt right. Call me old-fashioned, but I like a dump to be as memorable as it is devastating.
Remember, we need to show these people that we are not bitter husks of human beings, who long ago abandoned hope of finding love in this lifetime. Leela, you'll have to do some acting.
Check.
This is ancient Earth's most foolish program. Why does Ross, the largest friend, not simply eat the other five?
Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps.
Oh, honey, look! The tapirs! It says here that the babies lose their pajama-like coat after their first year. Isn't that interesting, honey?
Yep, mind-numbingly interesting.
I'm afraid I can't do that, Leela.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Futurama pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
