Turanga Leela quotes from Futurama

By the way, your pal Fry fell in the dungeon. Take him a taco so he doesn't die and stink up the place.

Leela

Come on, Al. Can't you let the little guy out?

Geez, Leela! Twice in one day? I'm not Superman!

ASAlcazar's friends

WOOOOO!

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Leela, you have to get me out of here. It's horrible! Eating scraps, letting my waste drop where I stand like an animal in the zoo.

Leela

Animals go on the corner.

The corner! Why didn't I think of that?

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Leela

Hey, where'd you get this couch and that TV set and all this stuff?

They were giving it away on the street corner. Just like you, Leela!

ASAlcazar's friends

WOOOOO!

Leela

Too bad they weren't giving away the three things you actually need: Mouthwash, a back wax and stain-proof underwear.

ASAlcazar's friends

WOOOOO!

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Leela

Alright, Alcazar, I just have one last question for you.

What's that?

Leela

If you can change form, why didn't you change it in the one place that counts?

EEveryone

WOOOOO!

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Good news, everyone! The university is bringing me up on disciplinary charges. Wait…that's not good news at all!

Leela

Whatever you did, Professor, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation.

Yes, but they won't listen. Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain but when you put it in the body of a great white shark, ooh, suddenly you've gone too far.

S2 A Clone of My Own

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Come on, Leela! Step your big boot down on the gas pedal.

[She does. Cut to Near-Death Star Landing Pad, the ship takes off and the landing gear goes up. The guest drop off door opens and three guardbots fly out. Guardbot #1 shoots at the ship and two laser bolts hit the engine, causing it to shut down. The ship falls onto the landing pad and the guardbots' hover-ships buzz around it. Cut to Ships Cockpit, an alarm beeps and a red lights flashes]

Leela

They've blown out one of our engines!

[fast] Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it!

Leela

Only the Professor knows how to fix it. We have to wake him up.

[She grabs Farnsworth's night shirt and shakes him around. Fry blasts him with an air horn and Bender empties a chest cabinet full of water over him]

Try shocking him!

Your social security cheque is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words!

Damn it, we'll have to fix the engine ourself.

Leela

We can't, you bastard! No one knows how it works. It's impossible!

[Cubert comes around and puts his hand in the air]

Cubert

Nothing is impossible. I understand how the engines work now. It came to me in a dream. [He lifts an access hatch and starts fiddling with some wires under the floor] The engines don't move the ship at all. The ship stays where it is, and the engines move the universe around it.

That's a complete load!

Cubert

Nothing's a complete load! Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about. Right, Professor? [Farnsworth mumbles. Cubert closes the access panel] Let's ride!

S2 A Clone of My Own

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Leela

Don't, Hermes! You have so much to live for!

I get it: reverse psychology.

Professor Farnsworth

Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know!

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Leela

I'm having a poker game tonight with some of my old cryogenics lab coworkers. Would any of you like to join?

I don't know. I only gamble with chumps.

I'll play.

I'm in!

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You can't just waltz into the Central Bureaucracy. It's a tangled web of red tape and regulations. I've never been, but a friend of mine went completely mad trying to find the washroom there.

Leela

Then we'll need a guide, someone who's been there before.

Oh, I've been there. Lots of times. [laughs maniacally]

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[Spoken] Requisition me a beat!

[Number 1.0 plays some music]

[Singing]

When I was four there was a hurricane in Kingston Town,

With a foot and a half of water,

Everyone was alright but I cried all night,

It blew my alphabet blocks out of order,

And they said, "This boy's born to be a bureaucrat,

Born to be all obsessive and snotty,"

I made my friends and relations file long applications,

To get into my 10th birthday party.

LaBarbara

But something changed when my man turned pro.

I was sortin' but I wasn't smilin'.

LaBarbara

He forgot that it's not about badges and ranks.

It's supposed to be about the filing! People!

We didn't choose to be bureaucrats,

No, that's what almighty Jah made us,

We treat people like swine,

And make 'em stand in line,

Even if nobody paid us!

They say the world looks down on the bureaucrats,

They say we're anal, compulsive and weird,

But when push comes to shove,

You gotta do what you love,

Even if it's not a good idea.

Zoidberg!

Zoidberg

They said I probably shouldn't be a surgeon.

Farnsworth

They pooh-poohed my electric frankfurter.

Leela

They said I probably shouldn't fly with just one eye. [A tube hits her in the eye.]

I am Bender. Please insert girder.

Everybody sing Jamaica! [He limbos under the flying tubes]

AAll

Jamaica!

Just the bureaucrats, Jamaica!

BBureaucrats

Jamaica!

The grade 19's!

Morgan Proctor

Jamaica.

[Hermes starts a conga line with the bureaucrats]

Sing me home!

When push comes to shove,

You gotta do what you love,

Even if it's not a good idea!

[He picks up a red tube, takes Bender's disk out of it and throws it into Bender's head. Bender's personality resurfaces]

I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor!

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Exciting news, people! The pet licence I requisitioned for Nibbler has arrived!

Leela

Hermes, that's sweet. I didn't know you cared about Nibbler.

Dream on, woman! I'd like to put the little bastard in a sack and toss the sack in a river, and hurl the river into space, but I do like filling out requisitions, and these were some doozies!

S2 The Deep South

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[Bender and Fry talk about the size of a fish they used to caught]

Leela

You're both out of your league, boys. Because right now, you're looking at a girl who owns her own harpoon.

Harpoon my ass. [snickers]

Leela

Okay. [Throws harpoon into Bender's rear end]

S2 The Deep South

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Every time something good happens to me you say it's some kind of madness or I'm drunk or I ate too much candy. Well I saw a real mermaid. And I wish for once my friends would have decency and kindness to believe me.

Leela

[whispers to Farnsworth] Ocean madness.

[Fry storms out]