Something stinks!
Well, we're in the woods, honey. It's probably a skunk.
DJ'D.J.
I know that smell. Kimmy, put your shoes back on.
S5The King and I
See, I've got twins coming. And I want them to be proud of their old man, you know? I want them to be able to see platinum records on the wall.
GIGuy in Bar
Babies don't care about platinum records. They care that someone's there to love them, to hug and kiss them. Shame on you for snapping at your family like that, and over a picnic?
Yeah, well, it's worse than that. I ended up breaking a promise to my 4-year-old niece.
GIGuy in Bar
I really wish you hadn't told me that. You want to be a success? Start by being a good husband. A good uncle, a good friend. After that, the rest is just gravy.
S5The Legend of Ranger Joe
Michelle: Thank you for finding my shoes, Uncle Hermes.
Jesse: You're welcome. What'd you call me?
Michelle: Uncle Hermes. That's your name.
Jesse: Who told you my name was Hermes?
D.J.: Grandma.
Jesse: She's lying!
Rebecca: Jess?
Jesse: Okay. It's... Hermes.
Hermes was not only the Greek God of Swiftness, but it's also my great-grandfather's name. I'll have you know, he saved the whole town from destruction when he raced a river of lava down a mountain barefoot. All right? He went to tell the whole town a volcano erupted. 'Course, no one was left in the town, 'cause who could miss a volcano erupting? But the point I'm tryin' to make here is the name Hermes is equated with strength, courage, and very hot feet. So now, who among you will make fun of a name so bold and so courageous as Hermes? Huh?!
I'm sorry, honey.
We didn't realize the name meant so much to you.
Good.
Did you want me to call you Uncle Hermes?
[scoffs] No. What am I? Some kinda geek?
S5The Volunteer
[to DJ] Did you hear Eddie laughing at the dog show today? He just told you today was the best day he's had in a long time. You know, Deej, you can do a lot for a person just by being with them and caring about them.
EEddie
We gotta start taking field trips to this house! In one afternoon, I saw a dog show, a forest ranger and a pregnant man!
NNurse
Eddie. You need a nap.
S5Gotta Dance
Come on, Danny, the kid's got a dream. Let her go for it. Heck, if I was that focused on my music in the 70's, who knows what would have happened.
Yeah. Maybe that would have been you dancing in the "Macho Man" commercials with that headdress.
S5Happy Birthday, Babies (1)
Is it almost time for my party?
You've got two and a half hours still.
How long is that?
Two "Sesame Streets" and a "Mister Rogers".
I'll never make it.
Michelle, you have to know no matter how old you get, you're always gonna be my little princess. Just like Stephanie's always gonna be my little lady bug. And D.J.'s always gonna be my little tennis ball head.
Anybody wanna trade?
Is there something you'd like to say to me?
Michelle, we said Happy Birthday to you at breakfast and everywhere else we say you today.
But I'm 5 years old. This is a very big day.
JRJesse and Rebecca
Happy Birthday, Michelle.
Don't say it if you don't mean it.
JRJesse and Rebecca
Happy Birthday, Michelle!
Why, thank you.
S5Happy Birthday, Babies (2)
This is Comet, my pet stegosaurus.
That's not a stegosaurus! That's a Golden Retriever.
You got a bad attitude.
Rebecca: Danny, what is this?
Danny: Becky, it's your own camera crew. You know Mark and Eppy.
Rebecca: I know who they are. What are they doing in my room?
Danny: Don't you remember when you first announced you were pregnant on Wake Up, San Francisco? You promised all of our viewers that we'd get to see the whole thing on tape.
Rebecca: Yeah. Well, that's when I was thin, my hair was done, and I wasn't sweating.
Danny: That's not sweat. That's a mother's glow.
Oh, honey. I'm so glad you made it on time.
In time for what?
The birth of our babies.
Oh, that's right. You're having my baby. [sings] What a lovely way of saying how much you love me!
Jess, just hold my hand.
Won't your husband Donny be jealous?
Jess, you're my husband.
I got a wife and a baby in the same day. Radical!
S5Nicky and/or Alexander
Wake up San Francisco. Hi I'm Danny Tanner and temporarily filling in for my co-host, Rebecca "Hurry back soon" Donaldson. Is Vicky Larson.
VVicky
Actually it's "Vicky I'm going to be here for four weeks, so get used to it" Larson.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Full House pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.