And here, look, they've got these wheels that pop out the bottom so you can roll around. Apparently, walking is too much exercise. Kids, kids! Roll your way to childhood obesity!
Wow. Kids today have such an easier time getting fat.
S9 E15The One with the Mugging
S9 E16The One with The Boob Job
Oh...baby-proofing... Why is this such a big deal now? Y'know, when I was a kid it was like.. "Whoops! Joey fell down the stairs!" or er.. "Whoops! Joey electrocuted himself again!"
[Rachel tries to install baby-proofing things in the apartment.]
Are you saying that women can't do it?
Women can do it; you can't.
Monica, will you please tell Joey that he's a pig?
[to Joey] You're a pig. [to Rachel] And you can't do this.
Well, I found the hardware store by myself!
The hardware store's just down the street.
There's a hardware store down the street?
[Monica and Chandler each borrow money from Joey, forcing him to lie to them both until they find out.]
Joey! Why did you tell Chandler that Monica was getting a boob job?
Because she is!
Joey, Chandler knows I borrowed the money.
Mm-hmm! For your boob job!
MRMonica, Rachel, Chandler
It's over, Joe!
Okay. So I'm out four thousand dollars and nobody's boobs are getting any bigger?
S9 E17The One with the Memorial Service
Alright, wait a second, why would Ross tell everyone in your class that you are as... [reads from the screen] "gay as the day is long"?
Because I told everyone he slept with dinosaurs.
But that's clearly a joke. This could easily be true.
I'm dead and no one cares.
I look like a man!
Just one problem at a time, please. Ross, you only gave them one day's notice, of course no one's going to come in just one day. And Monica, it's probably the way you stand.
S9 E18The One with the Lottery
[The friends are about to arrange the lottery tickets, in a bowl at the breakfast table]
We need to sort through the tickets as quickly as possible to see if we won. Does anybody have any ideas how to organize this? [abruptly] How about this - we divide them into six groups of forty, and the remaining ten can be read by whoever finishes their pile first.
[raising her hand] I have another idea!
Sorry, idea time is over!
Are all of the tickets in the bowl?
Yeah.
What about the ones on the nightstand?
There are no tickets on the nightstand!
Yes there are, I saw them a few minutes ago!
[Rachel goes to the nightstand to investigate]
[uncomfortably] No you didn't! You must be mistaken!
There were twenty tickets on the nightstand!
Chandler, sense the tone!
[Rachel returns with a bunch of tickets in her hand]
Well, well, well, look what Mommy found! [everyone gasps]
Fine! I bought twenty extra tickets for me and Chandler!
[gasps] The psychic also said that I would be betrayed!
I can't believe this! I thought we were all in this together!
You just got in five minutes ago!
Three! I don't know why that's important!
I was with you the whole time we were in Connecticut! When did you get those?
When you were reading the dirty magazines without taking off the plastic!
[sniggers and turns to Ross] I'll show you how!
Suppose one of your special tickets wins? How are you going to feel when you win the lottery and lose all your friends?
If I win the lottery you guys are not going to leave me! Someone gave me a basket of mini muffins last week and I couldn't get rid of you for three days!
Chandler, would you tell her that what she did was wrong?!
[turns to Monica] She's right, you shouldn't have bought tickets just for us. [Monica gasps] Let me finish. [turns to Rachel] However, it doesn't look as though I'm going to get this job, so I can't afford to have principles. So screw you, the tickets are ours!! [snatches the tickets from an open-mouthed Rachel]
[jubilantly] There's the man I married! [high-fives Chandler]
Believe me, if you win the lottery, it's the last you're going to hear from any of us!
Fine! Don't be my friends! I'll buy new friends! And then I'll pay for their plastic surgeries so they look just like you!
That's it! I want my share of the tickets!
[snatches the bowl from Rachel] I want my tickets too! And I'm buying the Knicks! And Steffi Graf!
[snatches the bowl from Joey] I want mine too! And if I win I'm going to put it all into a very low-yield bond!
[tries to put all the tickets into the bowl] You guys! We've got to keep all the tickets together!
No! [snatches the bowl] We should divide them up, and I should get extra because we used my car to buy them!!
If anybody gets extra tickets it should be me; this whole thing was my idea!! [snatches the bowl]
Oh yeah! Thanks for inventing the lottery!!
[about Emma] How do you know she's gonna start talking?
Well, when I talk to her I almost feel like she understands what I'm saying.
Kind of like Joey...
If we're going to do that, we should probably call me Daddy, too.
I like that, Daddy.
I, uh, I was just talking about Rachel.
Oh, is Daddy getting angry? Is Daddy going to spank me?
Well, that depends. Have you been a bad g-- No, I can't.
S9 E19The One with Rachel's Dream
Why don't you take Ross?
Uh, don't you think that would be a little weird? I mean, two guys in a romantic inn...
No, not if their room has two beds!
[Browsing the brochure] I guess... It still seems a little... [Enthusiastically] moonlight boat ride!
[playing guitar and singing] And there's a country called Argentinaaaa, it's a place I've never seeeeen. But I'm told for fifty pesos you can buy a human spleen. Humaaan spleeeeen. Olè! [Olé is spanish, but anyway..., and they speak Spanish in Agentina, but anyway...]
Not my first time in a hotel, my friend.
OK, how about this? [Picks up the remote control]
No, no, no, you can't take the remote control!
Yes, but the batteries...
[Ross claps his hands]
Thank you, thank you very much!
Let's celebrate with some maple candy!
No!
At least tell me where you hid it.
I got you something from Vermont! [Sits down at the table]
[Without looking up from what she's doing] Besides tampons and salt? [;;Then looks] Ooh! My...! Maple candy! That's so sweet of you. [Opens the box] That's weird... it's empty!
[Then Ross enters]
[Sounds excited] Hi you guys! what's going on, you... you guys wanna hang out... or... ? [Looks around the room nervously] do you... do you guys hear a buzzing?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Friends pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.