[The friends are about to arrange the lottery tickets, in a bowl at the breakfast table]
We need to sort through the tickets as quickly as possible to see if we won. Does anybody have any ideas how to organize this? [abruptly] How about this - we divide them into six groups of forty, and the remaining ten can be read by whoever finishes their pile first.
[raising her hand] I have another idea!
Sorry, idea time is over!
Are all of the tickets in the bowl?
Yeah.
What about the ones on the nightstand?
There are no tickets on the nightstand!
Yes there are, I saw them a few minutes ago!
[Rachel goes to the nightstand to investigate]
[uncomfortably] No you didn't! You must be mistaken!
There were twenty tickets on the nightstand!
Chandler, sense the tone!
[Rachel returns with a bunch of tickets in her hand]
Well, well, well, look what Mommy found! [everyone gasps]
Fine! I bought twenty extra tickets for me and Chandler!
[gasps] The psychic also said that I would be betrayed!
I can't believe this! I thought we were all in this together!
You just got in five minutes ago!
Three! I don't know why that's important!
I was with you the whole time we were in Connecticut! When did you get those?
When you were reading the dirty magazines without taking off the plastic!
[sniggers and turns to Ross] I'll show you how!
Suppose one of your special tickets wins? How are you going to feel when you win the lottery and lose all your friends?
If I win the lottery you guys are not going to leave me! Someone gave me a basket of mini muffins last week and I couldn't get rid of you for three days!
Chandler, would you tell her that what she did was wrong?!
[turns to Monica] She's right, you shouldn't have bought tickets just for us. [Monica gasps] Let me finish. [turns to Rachel] However, it doesn't look as though I'm going to get this job, so I can't afford to have principles. So screw you, the tickets are ours!! [snatches the tickets from an open-mouthed Rachel]
[jubilantly] There's the man I married! [high-fives Chandler]
Believe me, if you win the lottery, it's the last you're going to hear from any of us!
Fine! Don't be my friends! I'll buy new friends! And then I'll pay for their plastic surgeries so they look just like you!
That's it! I want my share of the tickets!
[snatches the bowl from Rachel] I want my tickets too! And I'm buying the Knicks! And Steffi Graf!
[snatches the bowl from Joey] I want mine too! And if I win I'm going to put it all into a very low-yield bond!
[tries to put all the tickets into the bowl] You guys! We've got to keep all the tickets together!
No! [snatches the bowl] We should divide them up, and I should get extra because we used my car to buy them!!
If anybody gets extra tickets it should be me; this whole thing was my idea!! [snatches the bowl]
Oh yeah! Thanks for inventing the lottery!!
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