[The friends are about to arrange the lottery tickets, in a bowl at the breakfast table]
Monica: We need to sort through the tickets as quickly as possible to see if we won. Does anybody have any ideas how to organize this? [abruptly] How about this - we divide them into six groups of forty, and the remaining ten can be read by whoever finishes their pile first.
Rachel: [raising her hand] I have another idea!
Monica: Sorry, idea time is over!
Phoebe: Are all of the tickets in the bowl?
Monica: Yeah.
Chandler: What about the ones on the nightstand?
Monica: There are no tickets on the nightstand!
Chandler: Yes there are, I saw them a few minutes ago!
[Rachel goes to the nightstand to investigate]
Monica: [uncomfortably] No you didn't! You must be mistaken!
Chandler: There were twenty tickets on the nightstand!
Monica: Chandler, sense the tone!
[Rachel returns with a bunch of tickets in her hand]
Rachel: Well, well, well, look what Mommy found! [everyone gasps]
Monica: Fine! I bought twenty extra tickets for me and Chandler!
Phoebe: [gasps] The psychic also said that I would be betrayed!
Ross: I can't believe this! I thought we were all in this together!
Monica: You just got in five minutes ago!
Ross: Three! I don't know why that's important!
Joey: I was with you the whole time we were in Connecticut! When did you get those?
Monica: When you were reading the dirty magazines without taking off the plastic!
Joey: [sniggers and turns to Ross] I'll show you how!
Rachel: Suppose one of your special tickets wins? How are you going to feel when you win the lottery and lose all your friends?
Monica: If I win the lottery you guys are not going to leave me! Someone gave me a basket of mini muffins last week and I couldn't get rid of you for three days!
Rachel: Chandler, would you tell her that what she did was wrong?!
Chandler: [turns to Monica] She's right, you shouldn't have bought tickets just for us. [Monica gasps] Let me finish. [turns to Rachel] However, it doesn't look as though I'm going to get this job, so I can't afford to have principles. So screw you, the tickets are ours!! [snatches the tickets from an open-mouthed Rachel]
Monica: [jubilantly] There's the man I married! [high-fives Chandler]
Rachel: Believe me, if you win the lottery, it's the last you're going to hear from any of us!
Monica: Fine! Don't be my friends! I'll buy new friends! And then I'll pay for their plastic surgeries so they look just like you!
Rachel: That's it! I want my share of the tickets!
Joey: [snatches the bowl from Rachel] I want my tickets too! And I'm buying the Knicks! And Steffi Graf!
Ross: [snatches the bowl from Joey] I want mine too! And if I win I'm going to put it all into a very low-yield bond!
Phoebe: [tries to put all the tickets into the bowl] You guys! We've got to keep all the tickets together!
Monica: No! [snatches the bowl] We should divide them up, and I should get extra because we used my car to buy them!!
Joey: If anybody gets extra tickets it should be me; this whole thing was my idea!! [snatches the bowl]
Chandler: Oh yeah! Thanks for inventing the lottery!!

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