[Chandler is practicing advertising slogans.]
S9 E11The One Where Rachel Goes Back to Work
How hard can it be, right? "Cheese. It's milk that you chew." "Crackers. Because your cheese needs a buddy." "A grape. Because who can get a water melon in your mouth?"
I got one. "Socks. Because your family's feet deserve the best."
Honey? Leave it to the pros.
Phones: bringing you closer to people...who have phones.
"Marriage. It's not for everybody."
SSteve
So, do you have any other questions about advertising?
No, no, but - let me show you what I can do. [picks up a bagel and a donut] "Bagels and donuts: Round food... for every mood."
SSteve
Monica warned me you might do that.
S9 E12The One with Phoebe's Rats
Hey, when did we become one of those couple who let our rat babies control our lives?
[doing a crossword puzzle] Hey, Mike - what's the capital of Peru?
Lima.
No, it starts with a V and ends in an X. And hopefully with a T-O in the middle.
You know, you're right. The capital of Peru is Vtox.
[about Emma's new nanny, Molly] What's the big deal with her? Maybe she's attractive in an obvious kind of way.
Yeah, obvious beauty's the worst. You know, when it's right there in your face. Me, I like to have to work to find someone attractive. Makes me feel like I earned it.
S9 E13The One Where Monica Sings
Ya, ho.. ya. OK, sure, look, can we, can we talk about what happened here last night?
Sure, just gimme a second to get all huffy and weird like you. *harrumphing* Do you believe that whoever did something over here last night did what they did or didn't do, I mean come on!
I actually came in here hoping to have a mature conversation with you about us, but I can't do that with someone who hides my messages and brings crazy women back to my apartment.
None of the sane ones wanted to come back with me.
S9 E14The One with the Blind Dates
Today is the 6th.
No. [Shows Chandler a calendar]
Yes. It's also 2003.
That means I may be done ovulating! I may also have served some very questionable meat at the restaurant!
[On the phone with Rachel, panicking because Emma's missing] Hey, Rach, by any chance, did you come by here and pick Emma up?
No, why?
Oh, my...! Then that means...[Just then, Joey comes in the door holding Emma] Oh, Emma! Thank God! There you are!
[Worried] Wha-what do you mean "There you are"?! Where was she?!
[Forgetting Rachel was still on the phone] Oh, uh, we were just playing peek-a-boo. She loves it when I'm dramatic. [Quickly hangs up]
[To Joey] Why the hell did you take her?!
Because you two were having [Whispers last word so Emma doesn't hear] sex!
No, we weren't.
Don't you lie to me. I can tell by Chandler's hair. [To Chandler] You are so lazy. Can't you get on top for once?
[Embarrassed, tries to fix his messy hair] All right, we were! We were trying to make a baby. Monica's ovulating.
Which is more than I can say for myself as of 2:00 today. [He and Chandler laugh, and Joey indicates that he peed on Monica's ovulation sticks]
You guys! Seriously, those sticks are expensive!
Hey, it is unacceptable that you'd have sex with Emma in the next room. I'm gonna have to tell Rachel about this.
MCMonica and Chandler
No, no! Please don't. She'll kill us.
Hey, I gotta. Unless...
Unless what?
Unless you name your first-born child Joey.
What? Why?
Hey, I may never have kids. And someone has to carry on my family name.
Your family name is Tribbiani.
[Thinks this over for a few seconds] Oh-ho, you almost had me. [He leaves, and Chandler covers his face with his hands at the sheer ignorance of Joey]
S9 E15The One with the Mugging
Okay, I wasn't rich like you guys, okay? I didn't eat gold and have a flying pony. I had a hard life! My mother was killed by a drug dealer.
Your mother killed herself!
She was a drug dealer!
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