TV show quotes
Guess what? Emma laughed today!
What? And I missed it 'cause I was giving a makeover to that stupid hippie? What'd you do to get her to laugh?
Well, I sang... I rapped... 'Baby Got Back'.
What? You sang to our baby daughter a song about a man who likes to have sex with women with giant asses?
Well... if you think about it, it actually promotes a healthy body image, because even women with big bottoms, or juicy doubles, can... [Sees how angry Rachel is] Please don't take her away from me.
No, no we're not together. We're not a couple- we're definitely not a couple.
Oh! Sorry.
Wow, you, uh, you seem pretty insulted by that. What, I'm not good enough for you?
We're not gonna have this conversation again.
You sang "Baby Got Back," didn't you?
Nothing else works, this girl is all about the ass!
[Monica and Phoebe greet Amy]
Monica So, welcome! Uh, is this the first time you're seeing Emma?
Yeah, I-I think so. [to Phoebe ] It's nice to meet you, Emma. [Amy holds out her hand to Phoebe]
[she shakes Amy's hand and corrects her] Phoebe.
Oh, that's a funny noise.
I was thinking about changing her name. I'm just not really a big fan of "Emily".
Emma.
[to Phoebe] Emma, Ross wants you.
PHOEBE!
[whispers to Ross] Why does she keep making that noise?
You know, this is classic Rachel!
Yeah, right! Remember in high school, when I died and didn't give you my baby?
This might be my one chance to have a child. You know that I've been busy focusing on my career.
What career?
I'm a decorator!
You decorate Dad's office and you're a decorator! Okay, I went to the zoo yesterday. Now I'm a koala bear!
Why can't you be supportive?
You want to talk supportive? You didn't come and visit me when I was in the hospital having the baby!
You didn't come and see me in the hospital when I was getting my lips done!
I did the first time! And do you want to know why I'm not giving Emily to you?
It's Emma.
WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON?! [to Amy] I'm not giving you Emma because there is no way you could handle the responsibility of a child!
How hard could it be? You do it! [Joey laughs but stops when everyone stares at him.] You want to know why you don't want me to have the baby? Because you don't want me to be happy! You have always been jealous of me!
Of what? Your lack of responsibility? Your immaturity? Your total disregard for other peoples' feelings?
To name a few!
[Chandler is livid at a china plate being broken.]
All right, that's it!! This is our apartment and you can't behave this way! If you can't act your age, you shouldn't be here at all! Those plates may not be as nice as the pretty pink ones that I picked out, but they're important to Monica! And I want you to apologize to her right now!
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry!
That's better! Now I want you to apologize to each other, and mean it!
[The sisters apologize to each other.]
By the way, that fight was totally arousing!
[The girls glare at Chandler and walk away.]
[to Chandler] Well done! If I die, Rachel dies and Monica dies, you can totally take care of Emma!
Really? Thanks!
So... now do I get Joey?
Okay. But you should know he eats five times a day and shoves pennies up his nose!
[Knock on the door]
Who is it?
It's your favorite sister!
Jill?
Amy!
Hide my rings!
Emma, this is your first thanksgiving. What are you thankful for? Mommy's boobies?
A lot of people are thankful for those.
[Rachel gave Bill her phone number.]
Oh, I have to get my number back. Oh, my, he's gone!
"Oh, I have to get my number back. Oh, my, he's gone." Dead on.
Chandler, you have to tell Joey that you're not in Tulsa.
Don't you think it's better for him to think that you're cheating on me than for him to think that I'm cheating on him? [Monica looks at him strangely] I heard it!
Oh god, remember the girls' nights we used to have? Sitting around talking about you and Ross?
Oh god, it seems like forever ago!
I know. So what's going on with you and Ross?
Well, uhm. I don't know. I mean, for a long time nothing. But actually, right before you picked me up, Ross and I had a little thing.
Oh my god, I love things, what happened?
Well, first he told me he liked how i looked and the we had a little... eye contact.
Eye contact? I hope you were using protection.
And I heard him say, as he flew out of sight, "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!"
Wow, you really wrote that?
Uh-huh.
Wendy's a fat girls name.
Are we still on that?
No, you're right. Let's talk about something else. Let's talk about snow. Do you think it's snowing in Tulsa, where my husband's having sex on a copying machine?
So, is everyone else working on Christmas Eve, too?
No, I sent everyone home.
You are such a good boss.
Yeah, I know. It's just me and Wendy.
Who's Wendy? That sounds like a girl's name.
Well, yeah...
Oh, Wendy was the one who was runner up for Ms. Oklahoma.
You're alone in the same room as the second prettiest girl in Oklahoma?
Well... The second prettiest that year. If you count it now, she's probably the...
Oh, Chandler, stop talking.
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