Chandler: Where are the guys? I'm ready to get drunk and see some strippers.
Monica: It's 9:30 in the morning!
Chandler: They got a breakfast buffet.

Chandler: [Phoebe eats his sandwich out of his hand] I've got a Phoebe in my sandwich.

Chandler [imitating Roger]: "Here's some little-known facts about couscous: they didn't add the second cous until 1979."

Chandler: [offering Joey a game of Playstation] Hi, my name's Chandler! I just moved in next door, and I was wondering if you'd be interested in battling me in a post-apocalyptic world for control of the galaxy's last remaining energy source.
Joey: Sure.

Chandler: [When he finds out he won't be in the wedding] I can't believe this it's like figure skating team all over again. I mean synchronized swimming, I mean the balance beam - help me!
Ross: Football!
Chandler: Thank you!

Chandler: Ah, "Hotties of the Paleontology Department." There's a big-selling calendar, eh?

Chandler: All right, check out this bad boy. Twelve megabytes of RAM, 500 megabyte hard drive. Built-in spreadsheet capabilities and a modem that transmits at over 28,000 BPS.
Phoebe: Wow. What are you gonna use it for?
Chandler: Games and stuff.

Chandler: All right, look. If you absolutely have to tell her the truth, at least wait until the timing's right. And that's what deathbeds are for.

Chandler: Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realise I am totally naked.
All: Oh, yeah. Had that dream.
Chandler: Then I look down, and I realise there's a phone... there.
Joey: Instead of...?
Chandler: That's right.
Joey: Never had that dream.
Phoebe: No.
Chandler: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now I dont know what to do, everybody starts looking at me.
Monica: They weren't looking at you before?
Chandler: Finally, I figure I better answer it. And it turns out it's my mother, which is very very weird, because- she never calls me!

Chandler: Because I told everyone he slept with dinosaurs.

Chandler: Brenda, a bee! Yes! it's flown into your blouse and you'd better undo your buttons lest it sting you!

Chandler: Can you see my nipples through this shirt?
Rachel: No. But don't worry, I'm sure they're still there.

Chandler: Did you do it on our invitations?
Ross: Not on the ones we sent out.
Chandler: Oh, so, just the ones you gave back to us and we had framed?

Chandler: Do either of you have the keys?
Monica: The oven is on!
Rachel: Oh, I've got to get my ticket!
Joey: Wait, wait, we have a copy of your keys.
Monica: Well then, get it, get it!
Joey: Hey, hey, that tone won't make me go any faster.
Monica: Joey.
Joey: That one will.

Chandler: From now on it's gonna be the four of you guys and me and the Mrs. Little Woman. Wife. The old ball and chain.
Monica: Old ?
Chandler: Young hot ball and chain.