What is it about me? Is it my hair?
Yes, it's exactly that, Chandler. It's your hair.
You have homosexual hair.
S1 E8The One Where Nana Dies Twice
[Ross' grandmother woke up from being "dead" and then died.]
GMr. Geller
She may have died.
LAunt Lillian
She may have died?
GMr. Geller
We're looking into it.
S1 E9The One Where Underdog Gets Away
Wow, you guys sure have a lot of books about being a lesbian.
Yeah, you know, you have to take a course, otherwise they don't let you do it.
[talks to his unborn baby] And everyone's telling me, "You gotta pick a major, you gotta pick a major." So on a dare, I picked paleontology. And you have no idea what I'm saying because, let's face it, you're a fetus. You're just happy you don't have gills any more!
[complaining about her Thanksgiving] Did anyone ever give a hoot about what I wanted? NO, NO, NO, NO! And I'm just... [her voice gets very squeaky and high-pitched]
Okay, Monica, only dogs can hear you now.
Do either of you have the keys?
The oven is on!
Oh, I've got to get my ticket!
Wait, wait, we have a copy of your keys.
Well then, get it, get it!
Hey, hey, that tone won't make me go any faster.
Joey.
That one will.
Here's to a lousy Christmas.
And a crappy new year!
Hear, hear!
S1 E10The One with the Monkey
Phoebe [singing]:
I made a man with eyes of coal and a smile so bewitchin'
How was I supposed to know that my mom was dead in the kitchen?
La lalala laaa la lala La lalala la la...
My mother's ashes, even her eyelashes, are resting in a little yellow jar.
And sometimes, when it's breezy, I feel a little sneezy...
So I'll be just as pathetic as the rest of you.
Yeah, you wish.
Hey, do you guys know what you're doing for New Year's?
[They all hit her with pillows]
Gee, what? What is wrong with New Year's?
Nothing for you, you have Paolo. You don't have to face the horrible pressures of this holiday: desperate scramble to find anything with lips just so you can have someone to kiss when the ball drops! Man, I'm talking loud!
Well, for your information, Paolo is gonna be in Rome this New Year, so I'll be just as pathetic as the rest of you.
Yeah, you wish!
Hey, that monkey's got a Ross on his ass!
S1 E11The One with Mrs. Bing
[Rachel hands out copies of her steamy romance novel draft to the gang.]
Oh, and -- and on page 2, he's not reaching for her heaving beasts.
What's a niffle?
You can usually find them on the heaving beasts.
All right, all right, all right. So I'm not a great typist...
Wait! Did you get to the part about "his huge, throbbing pens"? I tell ya, you don't wanna be around when he starts writing with those!
I just got to the part about "her public hair."
What are you guys doing out here?
Uh... uh... Well, Joey and I had discussed getting in an early morning racquetball game. But, um, apparently, somebody overslept.
Yeah, well, you don't have your racket.
No, no I don't, because it's being restrung. Somebody was supposed to bring me one.
Yeah, well you didn't call and leave your grip size.
Okay, you guys spend way too much time together.
[Chandler is setting the record straight with his mother and Joey's listening in
[to Ross] ... and then he said, "When are you gonna start acting like my mom?" then she said "When are you
gonna realize I have a bomb?"
Are you sure she didn't say "When are you gonna realize I am your mom?
Oh... That makes more sense.
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