Rachel Green quotes from Friends

Rachel

How about: for a girl, Rain?

Ross

Rain? "Hi, my name is Rain. I have my own kiln and my dress is made out of wheat."

Phoebe

I know her!

Rachel

How about James?

Ross

Oh, I like James.

Rachel

...for a girl.

Ross

Veto!

Phoebe

Is it me...? Or its just that Veto is starting to sound really good...

Ross

Oh. Oh. Thank God, most women don't even feel them.

Rachel

Okay, no uterus, no opinion.

Phoebe

Oh, hey Rach.

Rachel

Hi.

Phoebe

Hey, happy valentine's Day.

Rachel

Oh, you, too.

Joey

Hey, so ah how's it going living over at Ross's?

Rachel

It's good, except he makes us watch The Discovery Channel [slightly annoyed tone] all day long.

Rachel

Did you know that something really boring happened to someone really ugly in the middle ages?

Rachel

I had to get away from all the yelling. Mona is dumping Ross.

Monica

Poor Ross. [Monica and Chandler run over to the window to spy on Ross]

Chandler

Great. We have to watch him doing yoga in his underwear, but for this he closes the drapes.

Joey

I... I think I'm falling in love with you.

Rachel

[After a moment] Who you talking to?

Rachel

What's the final head count on my baby shower?

Phoebe

About twenty. A couple of people from work had something else to do.

Monica

Also, both of your sisters called, and neither can make it.

Rachel

What? You mean they're not coming to a social event where there's no men and no booze? That's shocking!

Phoebe

Well, the interview...

Chandler

What about it?

Phoebe

Y'know! You don't make a very good first impression.

Chandler

[shocked] What?!

Phoebe

Oh you don't know.

Chandler

Are you serious?!

Phoebe

Yes, when I first met you, you were like, "Blah, blah, blah." I was like, shhh!

Chandler

What is it that I do?

Phoebe

Well it's just like you're trying too hard. Always making jokes, y'know, you just--You come off a little needy.

Chandler

[To Rachel] Did you like me when we first met?

Rachel

Chandler, I'm not gonna lie to ya, but I am gonna run away from you. [Gets up and hurries out]

Rachel

Seriously, Ross, breathe louder, that's great.

Ross

Y'know, We should probably ask the doctor if she even knows how to deliver a baby that's half-human, half-pure evil!

Ross

This is insane! I'm not gonna make love to you just so you'll go into labor!

Rachel

Make love? What are you, a girl?

Ross

A great way to get into a man's pants.

Rachel

How may centimeters am I dilated? Eight? Nine?

Three.

Ross

Just three? I'm dilated three!

Rachel

How may centimeters am I dilated? 8, 9?

3.

Ross

Just 3? I'm dilated 3!

Monica

I can't believe this is taking so long. How're you doing?

Rachel

Not bad. You know that feeling where you try to blow a St. Bernard out your ass?

Ross

And soon someone will call her "Mom."

Ross

Let's go - one more time - one final push. Ready? 1... 2... 3!

Ross

Keep pushing!

Rachel

Are you okay?

Ross

[Slowly getting up] You have no idea how much this hurts!

Ross

Keep going! Keep going!

Rachel

Mon, what am I gonna do? It's been hours and it won't stop crying.

Monica

"She," Rach. Not "it." She.

Rachel

Yeah. I'm not so sure.